Comfort and Joy...

Sleeping peacefully...during the daytime!

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 

Philippians 4:12-13

This is the season that abounds with things that bring us comfort...we enjoy crackling fires, snugly sweaters and blankets, warm mugs of hot cocoa, and evenings spent indoors in the company of family and friends.  We sing familiar Christmas carols, many proclaiming messages of  peace, joy, beauty and love.   We bask in our long-founded traditions...in the familiar...in the comfortable.

But life doesn't always allow us the luxury of staying in these places of familiarity and routine and predictability.  I now find myself in a place which I'd affectionately call, "the newborn haze."  These are the most dreaded times for any parent...operating on barely any sleep...spending more time awake at night than cozy in bed.  And the days are long too...the demands constant...  In this place of nearly constant dis-comfort, how do I find joy?  When life is less than comfortable, how do we still find contentment and peace?  Does God care...does He see our struggles and really care about them?  Does He have reasonable expectations of what we can truly handle?

Something my pastor said in his sermon on Sunday that really challenged me was that, "If we had the power of God there are many things we'd change; but if we had the wisdom of God, we wouldn't change a thing."














My  personal comfort isn't necessarily paramount on God's to-do list.  As much as I'd like it to be, that just isn't the case.  But just because I am in a place of difficulty, of trial, of struggle, of pain, I should not lose faith.  God's infinite wisdom gives Him a perspective so much greater than mine.  He is working, even in the midst of the most difficult days and times.  He is shaping me into the person He wants me to be, in spite of and even THROUGH the difficult seasons.  Therefore, my joy is not and should not be contingent on my comfort

When I pause to do some real soul-searching, I realize that it is always in the difficult times that I feel closest to God.  I cry out to Him more, not when my days are breezing by easily, but when I'm gripping on that narrow ledge of sanity by the very tips of my fingers.  I can to All Things...  How many hundreds of times have I heard this verse and paid little heed to it's true meaning?  I have joy in my heart today...not because anything in my life has been easy or comfortable for the past two years...

I have joy because I Have God.  

Fall back

The Minion Trio

I've got to vent for just a minute here...this whole "Fall back" thing has got me a little riled up.  I mean, what kind of cruel joke is it to tired parents to hear everyone talking about this mythical hour of extra sleep???  Really...I think it ended up being about two hours less sleep for me since the kids were up late last night and then Sienna was up at 6:30 this morning...plus then all three of them were extra crabby since she woke everyone up earlier than usual. The only plus was that we were on time for church today, whereas every other week we are running at least 5 or 10 minutes late.  Now all the kids are ready for bed at 7:30 tonight, which sounds great except that they will all be up at 5 tomorrow...oh and Lawson totally missed that memo because he is still awake and will probably be up till his usual 12 or 1 AM bedtime.

We were at the thrift store on Friday and I almost left with one less pair of shoes.  We stopped by the shoe section because Reese needs dress shoes, and while I was looking at not paying attention, Sienna ripped off her sneakers and neatly lined them  up on the shelf and replaced them with a pair of monster slippers.  I looked down and she had these 5 sizes too large pink fuzzy monsters on her feet...ugh! Good thing I realized it before we left!

I caught Sienna two times yesterday in the bathroom trying to "brush" her teeth.  She squeezes the toothpaste onto her brush and sucks it right off immediately.  I guess this is her way of compensating for my not letting her eat candy for breakfast.  Fortunately it's just the training toothpaste so she won't give herself fluoride poisoning.  

...said no one ever

 I think I should just stop talking about sleep.  I mean, pretty soon, I'll be so used to not getting any, it won't even seem like a big deal anymore.  Kinda like a phase I went through in my younger years, but now, well I just don't need sleep anymore.  I'm so much more efficient when I don't sleep...all those extra hours of the day to get work done, or sit and stare at a fussy baby in the dimly-lit nursery.  Yup, I really wish I'd given up sleep sooner...said no one ever!!



There are so many things in life that are negotiable, but I'm pretty sure sleeping every night is not one of them.  So if I run through all four of the kids names before I arrive at the right one (and may throw in a couple names that don't even belong to our kids), don't judge, OK??

I thought it'd be nice to go for a bike ride with the kids yesterday since I haven't been able to ride my bike in like a year.  Derrick hooked the bike trailer up for me so I could pull Sienna, and Carter and Reese said they would ride their scooters.  Well we made it for about 5 minutes before Reese was too tired to scoot and Sienna was screaming at the top of her lungs to get out of the bike trailer.  My gosh, you'd have thought I was suggesting that they throw away all their toys, or run through a sprinkler on a freezing cold day.  This was all after I had tried to take a walk in the morning with the girls, because they wanted to push their baby strollers around the loop.  Reese made it halfway around before she said she was too tired to push it anymore.  Sienna barely made it across the street, so I had to run her right back home and run to catch up with Reese who was already 5 houses down and apparently deaf to my screams of "Wait up!"  "REESE!!!"

Am I making a big faux pas by nursing the baby in front of the kids?  Well, I didn't think so, but lately Reese and Sienna have both been hiking up their shirts so they can "nurse" their baby dolls in front of me, all while making slurping sounds so it sounds like their baby is really eating.

The Walking Dead [Tired]...

I'm doing it...I still don't know how.  The effort of putting one foot in front of the other grows harder by the minute, the longer the day wears on.  Yesterday was a 20-hour "workday" for me...and I am sure there are many more still in store.  My friends who already have four or more kids have earned my deepest respect.

The whole time you are pregnant it seems like you are constantly thinking, "I can't wait to have this baby."  And as soon as you have the baby, you are constantly thinking, "Geez, I sure had it easy before the baby arrived!!"

For some sick and twisted reason, refrains of the Lego Movie Theme song keep running through my head during these difficult days.    "Everything is Awesome!"

Yup, like when I was awake at 4 am and never did get to go back to bed, I was thinking "This is Awesome!  I love starting my day at 4 am!"  And  that same day when I had to wake Lawson up to take him to the pediatrician for a checkup at 8:30, yup that was awesome too.

Last night Derrick and I entertained the kids by playing "Just Dance" on the Wii for at least an hour.  Carter was playing too but Reese mostly watched.   At one point he was trying to dance while holding Lawson and I was trying to dance while holding Sienna.  It was awesome.

But this was really and truly awesome...I was checking out at Whole Foods yesterday and the guy bagging my groceries said something to me that no one ever does.  We were talking about the baby car seat wedged in my cart and he was joking about trying not to wake up the sleeping baby.  Then he asked, "So how are you doing?"  Everyone always asks how the baby is doing and I thought that was pretty remarkable some total stranger would ask me that.  My conclusion is, he either has a wife who recently had a baby, or he is the most empathetic person ever.  I called the store back a few minutes after I left to tell a manager that he was doing a good job.  People like that deserve a little extra recognition...

Be Fruitful....and Make a Pie...

...or an apple crisp if you're in a hurry.  hahaha  We visited a new apple orchard today and the kids had a lot of fun picking a bushel and a half more apples.  It was a gorgeous 80-degree day to be out picking and the dwarf trees made it possible for even Sienna to pick.  She loved picking the "big ones" of course!

Lawson enjoyed his first apple picking trip and celebrated by sleeping through the entire thing.   Carter and Reese enjoyed picking but the highlight was the "Apple Slingshot" they tried out at the end.  It was pretty impressive how far they were able to shoot the apples!

Almost as soon as we got back home, they were asking to peel them, so I had to come up with some quick apple recipes to use them up.  We liked the apple crisp and everyone liked these sauteed apples with dinner.

Each day that passes I get a little more used to this new way of life with four kids....and a little more used to not sleeping.  Lawson is still the best sleeper we've had, so far, but Sienna is giving us a run for our money all week with her refusal to go to sleep at night, dropping naps, and getting up at 5 am.

If I squeeze my eyes shut really tight and think back as far as I can remember, I vaguely recall a time when I could go to bed whenever I wanted, sleep soundly and uninterrupted the whole night through, and wake up (on my own!!) as late as I wanted the next morning.  That time seems like ancient history now as there are SO many interesting ways to be woken up from sleep when there are four children under one roof.

1. Screaming baby
2. Too Cold
3. Too Hot
4. Wet diaper
5. Peed the bed
6. Hungry
7. Thirsty
8. Room too dark
9. Room too light
10. Heard a noise
11. Scary dream
12. Sick
13. Not tired
14. Over-tired
15. Can't find blankey/animal
16. Teething
....and so it goes...



 With the first child, you still feel this sense of entitlement, like, "I deserve to sleep, it is unjust that you are taking away my ability to sleep...I will sleep again one day!"

Then you have another kid less than two years later and you (in this "I've been through this before" kind of wisdom) realize, sleep is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

But you stubbornly persist in hoping for that rest and in the meantime have a third kid.  And this time you get a crier...one who seeks to bring you to your knees and beg for mercy.  One who will do everything she can to break your spirit.

And you somehow manage to survive that and in your sleep-deprived insanity, decide to have yet another child still.  Well, now in addition to being completely insane in the eyes of most people, you had better just chuck those dreams of sleeping out the window for good.  You can lament the fact that you are always going to be tired or you can suck it up and make the best of it.  It can actually come in handy sometimes, like when you turn to your husband (who is holding your child) and ask, "Have you seen Sienna?"  Seconds pass with no answer and you suddenly realize your mistake...but you have sleep deprivation to blame, it's all good!

The whole gang!

Sleepy Time

 We've got one week of four kids under our belts now....and I must say, it's truly exhausting.  Lawson has honestly been a pretty decent baby so far...his crying is tolerable for sure, he sleeps fairly well at night for a newborn.  Last night he even slept two three hour stretches.  Problem was, half-way into the second stretch another little person was standing next to my bed trying to claw the blankets right off of me.  ( Not naming any names...SIENNA!!!)

The kids are doing pretty well with adjusting to a new sibling.  Sienna is still the toughest but we expected that.  Carter and Reese are adjusting to sharing a room pretty well...although they were gabbing till almost 10:30 last night.






I've been trying to sit in the tub once a day for a few minutes to soak and relax...and Sienna has caught on and thinks now it's fun Mommy/Daughter time.  She wanted to join me the other morning and took her clothes off..climbed right in and sat on my lap and immediately peed on me.  "My peed!" was her delighted reaction.  I was NOT as delighted.

Stinkin' Tired

At dinner tonight I got out some zucchini bread to offer the kids.  Reese said she wanted a piece but when I saw that she'd hardly eaten anything yet, I told her she had to eat some of her other food before I'd give her any bread.  She replied in her most drippingly dramatic voice, "I'm just too tired to eat anything, except zucchini bread."

I know the feeling!  Well sort of.  Being woken up every morning around 5 am by a certain someone...ahem, ahem, not naming any names...has a way of wearing a person down.  We are approaching the 1 year mark, so I do expect some major strides toward sleeping through the night soon....please????  The longest stretch each night is still only 6 hours....just not cutting it.  I assumed once she was crawling, there'd be better sleep.  Maybe when she starts walking?  Or enters 1st grade...who knows.  There's obviously no formula to figuring out sleep and the more I try to, the more frustrated I become.  So I'll accept my zombie-ish state as the new normal.

I guess next week is the official first week of Kindergarten...even though we've been working away at it all summer.  Next week is the first week of school of our school district, so why not make it official.  I have to confess, I'm having some major anxiety now that this whole homeschooling thing is becoming a reality.  I hope and pray I'm making the right decision for Carter, and the rest of the family for that matter. 

I'm dreaming of a white...Easter!?!

Ahhh, Easter...such a bright and fresh time of year.  The birds are starting to sing in the morning, there are flowers starting to sprout up out of the barren soil, buds are forming on the trees, and the air holds a new warmth to it that beckons SPRING.  But not this year!  Nope, I'm beginning to look at the extended forecast with a cringe on my face and think, maybe I should have bought the kids Easter snowsuits rather than sundresses and a polo shirt.  And like salt to an already gaping wound, we got another fresh inch or two of snow blanketing the ground last night, as if the 4 inches we received a couple days ago wasn't enough?!  I really do think it was warmer at Christmas time than it is right now.  The snow clinging to my little egg tree is such a depressing sight this morning.

In other news, Sienna had her 6-month checkup yesterday.  She is now weighing in at about 17 pounds is 25.5 inches long and is STILL not sleeping through the night!!!  No, the addition of solids to her diet a few weeks ago has made absolutely NO difference whatsoever.  She is still taking very few naps even during the day.  I could easily count on my fingers the number of good nights rest I've had since September, with a few fingers to spare.  Memo to baby:  S L E E P!!!!!!  I promise you will not miss anything exciting going on between the hours of 1 am to 6 am!!!

Reese's new obsession is tea parties.  We have had a tea party now every day for the past week or so. She picks out new "snacks" to have with our "tea" (water) each day.  I can't wait till she's old enough to take to a real tea party.

Survival

Well, little did I know I was jinxing myself saying we were getting better last time I wrote on my blog.  I ended up getting it too last Friday.  But thankfully, I got a much less severe version of what Derrick and the kids had so I'm pretty much back to normal now.  So yes, after 2 weeks of fending off nasty germs I think we have fulfilled our quota for this winter.  The kids have been fine since later last week and that's been the real kicker.  They are insane from being cooped up for 2 weeks with no friends to play with and Derrick and I are exhausted from trying to keep them entertained.  And of course Sienna is still waking up 2 or 3 times every night.  Truly no rest for the weary!  You really don't fully appreciate your health until you've been sick for a while.

To say I'm ready for spring would be an understatement.  I'd be willing to give up dark chocolate and chai tea for a year just to get a couple nice sunny 70-degree days in a row.  Sigh...

Reese has been giving us SUCH a hard time about eating her meals lately.  Around 4 pm I was just starting to get dinner ready and she very emphatically said to me, "I am not eating dinner tonight!"  Then 15 minutes later, she asked me in her sweet sing-song voice, "When is dinner going to be ready?"  When we did sit down to eat, I offered her some carrot souffle...a dish both kids have devoured in the past.  Her comment was,  "I won't eat anything that doesn't have M&M's in it!"  Um yea...not sure where that came from.  Not like anything else I made had M&M's in it.  When she did finally try it, she loved it and asked if she could have it for her bedtime snack and for dinner tomorrow too.  Oh how I love trying to rationalize with the completely irrational and ever-changing mind of a 3-year-old.

Carter said to us at dinner tonight, "When I grow up and have kids, I will let them play Mario Kart whenever they want."  We'll just see about that...

Better night...and day

 It is amazing what 9 straight hours of sleep can do for a crabby baby.  Yes folks, we have a new record!  She made it from 11 pm to 8 am without waking and is SOOOO much happier today.  Hallelujah!  There is hope...

Oh and don't you just love her combover!?!

Crybaby

 I really have a new appreciation for the word crybaby these days.  I mean, I think I'm a pretty tolerant person...I've learned what it means to be patient...you have to be patient if you spend all day every day with three kids.  But listening to a baby cry all day every day from 6 am until 7 or 8 pm...well that is the true test.  Listening to a baby scream all day while still trying to manage two other children...insane.  Not to mention, we still aren't sleeping through the night most nights...many nights we are waking up two, three....even 5 times when Carter and Reese also wake up.

She's bald everywhere but the top of her head!

We thought surely we'd get a break on the third child and she'd be at least a little more easy going, or like to sleep...but no.  She barely sleeps all day and cries whenever she is not being held.   Oh, and I failed to mention that it's not just holding her...you must be in constant motion.  Oh and it's not just any motion...it's like jumping up and down on a pogo stick, while walking, and jiggling a baby. UGH!!!  I will not fail to mention this to them over and over again when they are teenagers.

Three Months...

Three months...how they have flown.  Yesterday marked the big day...survival of the hardest first weeks of baby's life.  She even rewarded us last night with 7.5 hours of sleep!!

Sleepin' when the sun don't shine!

 Carter and Reese are loving their little sister more now that she can respond to them a little bit.  Oh what a difference a smile makes.  And I'm loving her a little more now that she is SLEEPING AT NIGHT.  Shhhhhh, don't jinx it!!!!  Last night we had a 7 hour stretch of sleep....oh my goodness was that amazing!

At the library story time this week the theme was, of course, Thanksgiving.  The librarian asked all the kids what their favorite thing was to eat at Thanksgiving dinner.  And what did my son yell out before anyone else could answer???  "Chicken!!!"

Carter and Derrick were out having a catch yesterday in the backyard.  Reese looked out the window and said to me, "Carter and Dadda are playing fetch!"

I just want to add that Sienna is wearing a cloth diaper in these photos and her butt amazingly does not look the size of a house.  I'm finally getting the hang of folding the prefolds!  We are close to the end of our disposable stash and I'm trying to ramp myself up for the big switch to cloth!!!

Big accomplishments

We had some big milestones yesterday in the Berad household.  After months of thinking that all my efforts to do school with my kids everyday were in vain, Carter surprised me by writing out the entire alphabet in chalk on the driveway. BE STILL MY HEART!   And better yet, I did not prompt him to do it...he did it on his own and even seemed to enjoy it.  Imagine that!

Reese playing with some "oobleck"

The second and very significant achievement happened last night when Sienna slept from 11 PM until 5:30 AM...the longest stretch of sleep (by far) that I've gotten since September 11th.    Oh, how I hope this will be repeated again soon.  Tonight would be fantastic, Sienna, if you care to give it another try!

Carter and Reese earn stickers on their charts for helping with chores and for good behavior.  Carter was asking for things he could do to earn stickers.  I told him he could take his dinner plate to the sink or feed the dog.  Then Reese chimed in with, "You could wash the car."  Yikes, that is a pretty tough task to complete in the dark and in 40 degree temperatures.  And wow, if I could get a car wash for the price of just one sticker, sweet!  Yea, he didn't go for that...

We made oobleck this week for a little fun project.  The kids loved it.  I did not really love the mess it made, but I guess it was worth it for some cheap entertainment.

 Today we hit the Children's Museum again since we haven't really left the house much this week.  The kids really get a kick out of this giant basket of yarn...don't ask me why, I find it a little odd.  But they think it's the coolest thing ever.

Brain cells... check!

 We've had another not-so-good sleep week with Sienna.  I was filling my mom in about her nighttime antics yesterday and she kindly warned me to take care, that my mental capacities might be slipping a little with the month and a half of sleep deprivation I've been coping with.  I was a little put out...I mean, seriously, I'm on top of things, I'm with it!  So what if I almost wore my bed slippers to Walmart the other day...that was one freak incident...everyone's allowed a slip-up now and then.  (I'll bet you can find people in Walmart wearing much worse than slippers anyway!!)  I'm still as sharp as a tack.

Well today I was trying to catch up with a couple of friends and ended up getting their voice mails.  At the end of the message I was leaving, I caught myself just about to say, "In Jesus Name, Amen" instead of "goodbye."  Whoa, good grief!  Maybe going 6 weeks on 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night is weakening my brainpower just a tad.  So I confused ending a phone call with ending a prayer...maybe my tacks are not as sharp as they used to be.  Thank you, my dear children, for giving me many white hairs, deeper wrinkles, and a head full of mush!  Can anyone tell me if these brain cells are ever restored later in life?  Better start looking for a tack sharpener...