I'd been planning to make this trip back to NJ for weeks now. I wanted to visit some family and friends and spend time at my childhood home before my parents make the move to Pittsburgh in just two weeks. I never dreamed, however, that this last visit would be a farewell of a much more sorrowful sort. Saying goodbye to my little brother yesterday was by far the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. It wasn't supposed to be like this... How do you ever feel "normal" again after you are hit by something like this? And yet, the message that keeps repeating itself in my brain is,
Hope.
I wanted to share what I said at his funeral yesterday...
God has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness.”
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses…For when
I am weak, then I am strong.
Passion
If I could think of one word to capture the person and
personality of my brother Ed, it would be Passion. Passion is defined as a strong or extravagant
fondness, enthusiasm or desire for anything.
My brother Ed was passionate about life, and living it to the fullest. Ed
attacked life with such vivacity, such determination and such a positive
outlook, he seemed to be surrounded by this aura of invincibility. Whether he was tearing up the dance floor
with his amazing swing dancing skills or defending his family from water
balloon-slinging rednecks on the beach at the Outer Banks, Ed was always our
champion. As we gather to say goodbye to
this man who was so full of passion and life, I don’t want to add more sadness
to your already heavy hearts. What I
seek to share with you first is what it was like growing up as Ed’s big sister,
and more importantly, I want to offer you a message of Hope.
I discovered at the age of three that no amount of passion
can always guarantee you’ll get what you want in life. For though I passionately wanted a little
sister, that June day Dad took me to the hospital to meet my new twin
brothers was the beginning of a roller-coaster ride of big-sisterhood. (God has quite a sense of humor!) I did grow to love and appreciate my little
brothers, and looking back on my youth, I feel so blessed to have SO many
wonderful, happy memories, many of which, Ed was a part of. And of course, from time to time and friend
and I would dress the boys up in little dresses and hair barrettes, which did
ease the pain of not having a sister…slightly…
Life with Ed was always an adventure….as children he had
seemingly boundless energy. Whether it
was digging and jumping in and out of 6 foot deep holes on the beach, swimming
in our pool, crazy games of full-contact mini-golf, he and Mark dancing around
the living room in my old ballet tutus, or riding turtle scooters in the
basement, Ed was always moving. I distinctly remember my jealousy when mom
started allowing him to eat two desserts after dinner to try and put some meat
on his bones. I’m not sure it ever
worked though… I also developed a pretty
tough skin being Ed’s sister. There was
the time he whacked both Mark and I over the head with a metal hoe. There was the time we thought it would be fun
to tie a rope between two bikes and pull the third sibling behind on
rollerblades. That didn’t last long
after I plunged face first into the pavement about a mile from home. We siblings would also invent creative games
to play outdoors such as jumping off the fence onto the swinging hammock, and dodging
a gallon jug filled with water that we threw at each other in the pool in a
game we called “Depth Charge”.
I had the opportunity to spend a lot more time with Ed
during the three years I was homeschooled.
The three of us were together every day during those middle-school years
and though at the time it seemed rather routine, (and maybe even a little
annoying being with my little brothers all day every day), it really did give
us a closer relationship. It was during
those years that Ed’s passion for music really began to develop. We even had our own band “Twins Plus
One”. During those years Mom and Dad
also very patiently taught us all to play tennis and the five of us would spend
many a fun evening out on the courts together in epic 2 vs. 3 battles.
Ed was passionate about experiencing life, having fun and
NEVER let fear of anything hold him back.
When we were in high school, we three kids got season passes to Six
Flags and I would drive us up after school, sometimes multiple times a week,
just to ride on our favorite rides for an hour or two. One of our favorite rides to go on together
was the teacups. Ed and Mark would get
that teacup spinning so fast I thought I might be dizzy all night! The three of us went skiing for the first
time in high school…and I’ll never forget it.
After the first trip down the beginner slope, we took the lift back up
to give it another try. But at the top,
as I was heading back to the beginner slope, Ed took a sharp turn to the right
and said, “See ya at the bottom!” as he cruised right down a black diamond
slope! On warm summer nights you could
often find us driving down the highway in my ’86 Civic…oldies music blasting on
the radio… belting out to words to some of our favorite tunes, like “Only You”
or “Driving along in My Automobile”. When
Ed decided he wanted to learn how to swing dance, he hired a private instructor
to come to our house, and recruited a bunch of friends to come take lessons out
in our backyard.
Ed would often humor me during my high school and college
years and go on runs with me. He was a much better and faster runner than me,
but I always enjoyed those times we spent together, sharing an activity we both
enjoyed. We talked about so many things
on those runs and I really valued the relationship we had…we could talk about
anything. Sometimes we would take our
runs to the beach, and just being there with my brother, in a place where I
always feel closer to God, was very special.
I’ll never forget the early morning trip to Philadelphia to
pick up Derrick (my husband) the first time he came to NJ to meet my whole
family. Ed and Mark had a list of stops
throughout the city for poor travel-weary Derrick. They shoved him out of the car in front of
the Art Museum and made him run all the way up and down the steps, and at one
stop, Ed climbed atop a giant sculpture of a tooth and pretended he was riding
it like a bull. And Derrick still stayed
with and married me!
I remember well how the three of us as children treasured
the special annual visits from our own “Uncle Eddie” from California. He would play cards with us and wrestle and
roughhouse with the boys to their great delight. And I was already beginning to treasure a
very similar relationship my own children were developing with their Uncle Ed. Ed was passionate about sharing his love for
adventure and travel with my children.
Everywhere I look around my house, there are trinkets and toys and
treasures that he brought back for them from all over the world….a platypus
from Australia, a little panda bear from Mongolia, hair clips from Italy, a
snowboarding beaver from Canada, a fan and coffee grinder from Indonesia, a
puzzle from Dubai, a book of Grimms fairy tales from Germany. What’s not to love about an uncle who brings
you a remote control helicopter to fly in the house and a real rocket that
shoots hundreds of feet into the air? Watching
Ed get to know and develop relationships with my children was very precious to
me. He truly loved spending time with
them and they adored the attention and fun-loving nature of their “Uncle Ed.”
Many of you have already expressed such wonderful and touching
sentiments about my brother, and I will forever cherish all of my memories of
Ed. But what I want to offer you today
is far more powerful and enduring. I want leave you with a message of HOPE. Where do you turn in your darkest hour? When all your securities seem to be crumbling
around you and life is more overwhelming than you can bear, how to you move
on? I’ve helped my kids to memorize
Psalm 23 (The Lord is my Shepherd) this year, and never before have I thought
so literally about what it’s like to “walk through the valley of the shadow of
death…” But if you know this Psalm at all, it goes on to say that we need not
fear evil…He is with us…He will make our cups run over… and surely goodness and
mercy will follow us all the days of our lives.
God has allowed death in this world, not so much to frighten us,
but to remind us of who we are, and what our limitations are, and what is
really important in life. God wants to walk closer to us than death ever could.
He has always wanted to be in close relationship to human beings, because
that’s why He created us.
An illustration that has helped me to cope with difficult
times is that of a tapestry. We look
around us and can only see a tangle of mismatched threads. There doesn’t seem to be any meaning or
purpose or order, because from our perspective it’s just a big mess. But God is the Author of a story too vast for
our comprehension. When you take that
mess of multicolored threads and turn it over to the other side, you suddenly see
the bigger picture, you see beauty and order and purpose. Our ability to hope is often a matter of
perspective.
I have a faith and a hope in God that is unshaken and
unswerving. If anything, this experience
has brought me closer to God than ever before.
Just knowing that He is there and
that He will never change is enough to keep me going through these very dark
days. My Hope is in the Lord. Seek the Lord while He can be found. Pray that you would come to know God in a
deeply intimate way. Pray that He would
wipe away your tears and give you your own Hope. Let your heartbreak be an impetus for you to
go out today and make a positive impact on the world. Mend a broken relationship, tell someone you
love them, forgive, and seek to know God in a deeper and more meaningful way. Do not let this opportunity, yes opportunity,
pass you by. May we all find a new
passion to live our own lives to the fullest.
Ed would have wanted that. When
all the world seems stormy and gray, may we take comfort in knowing that the
sun is still shining behind those ominous clouds. Remember…perspective…and HOPE!
Nahum 1:7 The Lord is good; a refuge in times of
trouble. He cares for those who trust in
Him.
