A Prize-Worthy Life...

A win is always exciting to watch.  We let Carter stay up to watch the Steelers game on Christmas evening. It was a nail-biting victory, after coming from behind for the entire game.  There was great uncertainty up until the final seconds whether they would win or lose the game.  When the winner is the underdog, or has to undergo a great trial, or has to come back from a great deficit, it makes the win truly more glorious.

1 Corinthians 9:24 NIV

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

What does it mean to live a prize-worthy life?  I've been pondering that for the past week as we battled our way through another round of sickness during Christmas...the dreaded stomach flu.  Talk about discouragement...talk about extreme fatigue.  There were moments I was truly in despair...moments the strength to keep going wasn't my own, but straight from the Lord.  This was a time, already heavy-laden with emotion as holidays often are...a time of reliving past Christmases and thinking about those who are no longer with us...

How, Lord, how can I keep my head held high when it seems like the odds are so stacked against me?
How can I race forward for that coveted prize when I feel like I can barely place one foot in front of the other?  How can I maintain the motivation, the focus, the drive, the perseverant spirit to press on and not give up or give in to discouragement?

 Psalm 119:32 AMP

I will [not merely walk, but] run the way of Your commandments, 

when You give me a heart that is willing.

I don't have what it takes on my own.  God gives me the "heart that is willing."  He gives me exactly what I need, when I need it.  He gives me the desire to run, not just walk.  He enables me to overcome my fatigue, my grief, my greatest struggles and gives me that desire to "win."

Philippians 4:9 AMP

 Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you.

I love the Amplified version of this verse...His Peace offers us "untroubled, undisturbed well-being."  This kind of peace isn't shaken by the trials we go through...it is enduring.  

I long to live a life worth of the prize.  Coming to the end of one year and beginning a new one gives reason to pause, to look back, to re-evaluate, and to set new personal goals. With the new year, might we all find Hope in the One who offers hope in our darkest hour and might we desire to live a life that is truly prize-worthy...

Christmas comes quietly...

 Christmas is here...though it doesn't feel like it this year.  As much as I planned ahead and prepared...wrapped gifts and baked cookies...this year Christmas is drifting in quietly without much fanfare or the usual traditions taking place.  Everyone in our house has been sick on and off for a month and this week another wave of sickness has us pretty much quarantined from the world.  I haven't had more than a few hours of sleep any night this week...the kids are stir crazy from being trapped in the house for so long...I don't feel ready for Christmas to arrive...

As Christmas Eve comes to a close, I am thinking more about the real meaning of Christmas...the events that took place over 2,000 years ago that give us reason to pause amidst the holiday craze, to acknowledge the sacrifice that God made for us, in the form of a tiny and helpless baby...His own Son.

I couldn't help but dwell on some of my Christmases past tonight while sitting in church...of the way things once were...of the loved ones lost...of the grief I am carrying.  I shed a few tears tonight, just remembering...   I could not help but wonder about the future...what memories my children will carry with them from their own childhoods...what Christmas will look like 10 years ...20 years from now...how things will be different.



The message my Pastor gave was not the traditional Christmas story...but a message of hope....of love...of trusting in the Lord, even amidst great trials.

Fear not...

You are Mine...

All the frustration, the fatigue, the pain I have been carrying like a leaden weight across my shoulders falls away when I read those words.  I dwell on the birth of a Savior tonight...One Who knows me...by name...and calls me His own.

I think about the night He was born...there was no great fanfare, no eager crowds to welcome Him, not even a legitimate room for Him to be born in...just a lowly stable.

And in this humble setting, He came...love in it's purest form...giving up everything, expecting nothing in return.

He came for Me...He loves me...I am His.  There couldn't be a greater gift at Christmas time.

Comfort and Joy...

Sleeping peacefully...during the daytime!

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. 

Philippians 4:12-13

This is the season that abounds with things that bring us comfort...we enjoy crackling fires, snugly sweaters and blankets, warm mugs of hot cocoa, and evenings spent indoors in the company of family and friends.  We sing familiar Christmas carols, many proclaiming messages of  peace, joy, beauty and love.   We bask in our long-founded traditions...in the familiar...in the comfortable.

But life doesn't always allow us the luxury of staying in these places of familiarity and routine and predictability.  I now find myself in a place which I'd affectionately call, "the newborn haze."  These are the most dreaded times for any parent...operating on barely any sleep...spending more time awake at night than cozy in bed.  And the days are long too...the demands constant...  In this place of nearly constant dis-comfort, how do I find joy?  When life is less than comfortable, how do we still find contentment and peace?  Does God care...does He see our struggles and really care about them?  Does He have reasonable expectations of what we can truly handle?

Something my pastor said in his sermon on Sunday that really challenged me was that, "If we had the power of God there are many things we'd change; but if we had the wisdom of God, we wouldn't change a thing."














My  personal comfort isn't necessarily paramount on God's to-do list.  As much as I'd like it to be, that just isn't the case.  But just because I am in a place of difficulty, of trial, of struggle, of pain, I should not lose faith.  God's infinite wisdom gives Him a perspective so much greater than mine.  He is working, even in the midst of the most difficult days and times.  He is shaping me into the person He wants me to be, in spite of and even THROUGH the difficult seasons.  Therefore, my joy is not and should not be contingent on my comfort

When I pause to do some real soul-searching, I realize that it is always in the difficult times that I feel closest to God.  I cry out to Him more, not when my days are breezing by easily, but when I'm gripping on that narrow ledge of sanity by the very tips of my fingers.  I can to All Things...  How many hundreds of times have I heard this verse and paid little heed to it's true meaning?  I have joy in my heart today...not because anything in my life has been easy or comfortable for the past two years...

I have joy because I Have God.  

Coming into Focus...

The drive to the hospital was a harrowing one. Every bump, every shift, brought on a new wave of nearly-unbearable pain.  The end goal of a soft bed, warm blankets, a tiny baby, was all my mind could focus on.

As I sat in recovery with those wonderful, warm blankets tucked over me, brand new baby on my chest. I could not help but think of another baby...born at Christmas time.




I thought about that Christmas night when Mary could feel her own childbirth pangs coming on.  Riding on a donkey at 9 months pregnant.  No hospital...no doctors, not even a bed . A smelly, animal-filled stable was their last resort...scratchy hay to lie on. Here the Savior of the world was born, in total obscurity and in the most humble and lowly of settings.


Maintaining our focus on God in the midst of all the pressures and distractions we face each day can be difficult...especially during the holidays.  At the very time of year He should be at the forefront of our thoughts, He is often pushed to the back burner.  Being with a newborn right now forces me to be very focused on only the most critical daily functions...Eat...Sleep...Shower...there isn't time or energy for much else.  Perhaps I should apply so much focus to my walk with the Lord...realizing there really isn't anything in life that deserves the kind of attention and devotion and time commitment that He does.

Jeremiah 9:24 ~ "Let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth.  For in these I delight," says the Lord.


When I fully understand and KNOW God, I can't help but keep Him in focus.  I look at my new baby and am speechless that He exercised that kind of love for me...that He went so far as to send His own Son...for ME!  And in the form of one so completely and totally helpless. That kind of vulnerability...that kind of humility, is mind-blowing...coming from the Creator of the Universe!  He delights in showing me love...I stopped to think about that this morning.  The pressures, the stress, everything else seemed to fade into the background as that fact soaked in.









May you take some time also, as we near the Christmas holiday, to redirect your thoughts toward Him...to appreciate all that He has done...continues to do...for you.  May you truly Know Him...and Understand what it means to be loved by Him.

She Bears Good News...

  Four years ago, while lying on the couch with then newborn Sienna, I happened to watch part of a documentary on Harriet Beecher Stowe.  I was fascinated by her story and decided to read her novel, Uncle Tom's Cabin, which I finished during the many hours of nursing a tiny baby.  The book was so gripping...the characters drew me in...the story was heart-wrenching.  One character in particular tugged at my heart, and this was the little girl, Evangeline.  I loved her compassion, her kindness, her love for everyone she encountered, her faith...the way she ministered to, encouraged and loved "Tom".  Her plight brought me to tears and I knew after reading the book that if I ever had another daughter, that would be her name.

A month ago, I looked up the meaning of the name Evangeline and was delighted to see it meant "the bearer of good news."  In a season where my family has had to deal with SO much bad news, I cannot help but feel the depth and significance of this new blessing so much more potently.  Her middle name is Ruth, which was my dear grandmother's name.  Ruth means "compassionate friend."  I hope that her namesake is what she will indeed live up to...a woman who will spread good news to the world around her while she offers compassion and friendship to others.

In these first days we have had with her, I have watched my other children embrace her with great big smiles and open arms.  I feel a joy, so much deeper than I have felt for a long time...experiencing again for the fifth time now the miracle of childbirth....the instant of transitioning from the most excruciating pain to the most intense joy for a new life.



We are excited to welcome little Evangeline into our family this week...such wonderful "good news" indeed!

Good Medicine...

"Come and take your medicine!"

Ah, a phrase I dread all year long...one that always seems to plague us over some major holiday or during the entire winter.  This year, it was Thanksgiving that was sabotaged by all four kids being sick and then passing it on to me.  39 weeks pregnant and sick...oh what fun!

No one in my house likes to take medicine...well except for the perpetually (even-while-sick) happy Lawson, who cheerfully gulps his down and immediately, enthusiastically asks for "more???".

As much as I hate administering medicine, I am so thankful for it when we truly need it.  You gain a new perspective on the awful-tasting stuff when you have multiple sick kids who are in misery and you observe what effect it has on them.  After this long stretch of illness in the family, I read a verse the other morning that touched my heart...Proverbs 17:22.

How can I have a cheerful heart...even on the difficult days?   What steps can I take to opt for optimism rather than focus on the problems in life?

"A cheerful heart is like good medicine..."

The key is the heart...something that may seem so underwhelming...so trite...perhaps so forced at times.  Am I really expected to be "cheerful" right now, Lord?  Nothing seems to be going my way.  While others seem to walk an easy road, mine always seems to be uphill and covered in potholes.  

Be of good cheer... a message we hear more at this time of year than any other.  I haven't the strength, the willpower, the faith to conjure up this cheer on my own.  Flood my heart with cheerfulness today, Lord God.  Teach me what it truly means to be thankful, appreciative, to dwell on the good, to keep my focus and perspective in the right places, and never to allow a spirit of defeat hold me back.  

Anxious thoughts...and Heavenly Peace

 His little brow was deeply furrowed with concern as his sister screamed out in distress.  He came over and compassionately gave her the biggest hug his little arms could give, patting her back with one hand.  "OK, Si-ne-neh," he told her.  I love watching a two year old offer comfort to his older sibling.  She was hurting...he offered calm and reassuring comfort...isn't that a perfect reminder of what God does for us?

The Christmas Season is now upon us, and everywhere we turn, we are constantly reminded of of the things we should be doing, baking, buying, the cards we should be mailing...all the things we need to do to be happy.  It's certainly enough to induce a full-blown panic attack, even in the most calm and well-organized person.

Anxious thoughts paralyze us from experiencing the true joy that we were meant to... Anxious thoughts trap us in a downward spiral of worry, fear and doubt...blinding us to anything happening around us that is good.  Anxious thoughts shift away our focus from what is truly important...

Worry can overtake us in the blink of an eye, even on our best days...and there are so many things we can worry about....finances, relationships, safety, health, even our own value and self-worth....  

But God offers us comfort in the midst of this worry...He PROMISES to be there for us, with us, alongside us in the day to day grind.  He lets us know...it is going to be OK... His sweet embrace came to us at this very time of year, in the form of a helpless baby, reminding us what Heavenly Peace truly looks like.

When my head hits the pillow at night, do I have a million thoughts still racing around or do I have peace?  The blissful sleep of a baby or young child is precious to observe.  No matter the events of the day, they are not tormented - they depend on someone else for everything but have no concept of fear or worry.  They have total trust in their caretaker - that should be what we strive for also.

Where do you put your hope and trust?  When we truly put our trust in God, we need not worry or fear.  Cast all of your cares on Him...and just wait to see what happens.  Why waste another minute in worry...give your burdens over to the one who cares for even the tiniest sparrow.  Accept the gift of peace that He offers us, in the midst of this very busy time of year.  And may you sense, more and more, the indescribable blessing of His Heavenly Peace.

The Green Ribbon...

There is a time for everything...a season for everything under the sun...

I glanced out the window with great dismay as Sienna marched into the room.  Yes, there was still snow on the ground and a blustery wind blowing.  She assuredly put on her sandals and said, "I'm ready."  "Oh, Sienna...you can't wear that today.  It's freezing cold out!"  She looked down at her pretty pink leotard, but was not ready to concede this fight.  After much coaxing, coercing and threats of losing dessert for a day/week/the rest of her life, I got her to put some pants and a jacket on.  We made our way out to the car...at this point I'd managed to get her to move a whole 15 feet in the right direction in the last 15 minutes.  But it couldn't be that easy.  "I don't want to ride in that car seat!!!!"  Oh for goodness sake, is this really something worth fighting over???  There is a time to laugh and a time to cry...and right about now I feel more like crying!  Isn't the motivation of a fun gymnastics class enough to motivate her?

"But today is the day you will get your ribbon at the end of class, Sienna."

Pause...she thinks this over...

"But I wanted a pink ribbon, not a green one.  I don't want that ribbon!"  (She had found out ahead of time the color of this session's ribbon since Reese already received hers last week.)  "You don't want your special ribbon?"  I asked her incredulously.  "Won't you be sad if you don't get your ribbon?"  With not a second of hesitation, she shot back, "No.  It's not pink!"

Give thanks in ALL circumstances...

How often do we stubbornly stick up our noses at the very things we ought to be thankful for?  How often do we whine and complain and take for granted some of the greatest blessings in our lives?  As millions celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow and reflect on the things we are thankful for, I'm reminded that there are always...ALWAYS things in my life, many things, to be thankful for. How often do I sound just like my four-year-old in my own reactions to things that happen in my life?  How often am I stubbornly insisting on my way, even when everything points me in another direction?

From my limited, human perspective it is very easy to look at a situation and ask, "Why God?"  "This isn't the way things are supposed to be."  "Can't you fix this/change that/heal this person/make this situation right again?"  I didn't sign up for the "green ribbon"...I don't want it!!

Sienna did end up accepting her ribbon prize at the end of her class.  She stood up, holding it proudly over her head with a big smile on her face.  May we all take a few minutes to dwell on the blessings in our lives.  May we accept, with grace and dignity, the challenges we face.  In whatever season of life you find yourself today, God is there.  In whatever trial or test or deviation from "the plan" you can rest assured that He has a master plan, so much greater than we could ever imagine.

Fairness and Faith...

 It took great grit and determination, (and several changes of gloves) on this wet, blustery morning, to roll and smash together a small snowman.  It was not the best snowman they ever made, nor the prettiest, but the effort that went into building it made it all the more special, and made the achievement all the more noteworthy. It took much time and enduring the cold...but the result was well worth it. They were undeterred by the sheer lack of snow...they could have given up, but they didn't.  They had faith that their efforts would be rewarded with success...and they were...

God does not dole out blessings in equal measure...we go through seasons where life is hard, and seasons where things seem to go our way.  While some are basking in financial security and wealth, others are barely scraping by.  While some are blessed with great health, others are constantly battling illnesses.  While some seem to avoid tragedy and difficulty, others are immersed in it on a nearly constant basis.  It may seem as though the pressures bear down relentlessly...and it can be tempting to feel that life is not fair...

Some may think that having a belief in God somehow entitles us to an easier life...that the minute we decide to follow Him, our road will become less bumpy, our relationships will become less complicated, our worries will fade away...  We boldly come before God with expectations of what He can and should do for us...and He ever-so-gently reminds us, with His ever-present Grace, that He ultimately knows what is best....what is fair...what we truly need.

This morning as we drove to church, I was reminded of George Muller...a man who demonstrated his faith very publicly and was forced to do so again and again.  While he should have been receiving bountiful blessings for his steadfast work with orphans, he was constantly in a position of relying solely on God's provision for their most basic needs.  When they literally had nothing to eat or drink, he prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving, with all the children seated at the table...and the food and milk showed up...  He could have given up hope...so very many times, but he did not lose faith.  He could have become bitter that God continued to test his faith over and over again, but he didn't.

He recognized something that many of us fail to about faith...that it is meant to be tested...

Perhaps this is the key...in order for His work to be accomplished, God needs us to be not confidently striding through life, but down on our knees in a posture of prayer.

Persevere...Do not despair...be anxious for nothing..

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  

James 1:2-4

Willful Obedience...

 I was finishing up the kids' bath the other night and Lawson was the first one finished.  He sneaked out the door and downstairs as soon as he was dressed, while I finished getting the girls out and dressed.  I went down to find him, and as I turned the corner into the dimly lit kitchen, I could hear rustling in the pantry.  He peeked his head out as I came near, and grinned a big grin, revealing chocolate-stained teeth.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.  He answered with just one word.  "Candy!"

Give a two-year-old even a small measure of freedom and you quickly realize he will often choose the wrong path!  You hear the phrase willful disobedience pretty frequently...but this week I've been thinking of something infinitely more important in the Christian walk...

Willful Obedience

Disobedience, to me, hardly seems willful...in truth, it seems as though it's like second nature to disobey, even from a very early age. What parent has ever had to teach a child how to disobey?  You can all pause to laugh now!!  As all of my kids sat in the family room arguing and carrying on this morning, I urged them to make peace and work it out.  But the fighting only intensified after my entreaties... I was pushed to the limit..."Does anyone ever listen to me??"  I shouted at them.  How can I, do I, teach them to obey...and describe for them the peace that will descend over our family when they do?

Disobeying is easy...natural...human nature.  It happens, so often, with very little thought at all.  What is not so easy is the act of obedience.  We may know what is right ...but do we choose to do it?  Do we frequently cave to urges that we know will take us down the wrong path, or do we consciously, willingly choose to obey?  As I was reflecting on this...I began to do a mental inventory of the blessings that come when we do obey....of how disobedience sows discord and anger and bitterness and frustration in relationships (whether with God or our fellow man), while obedience sows joy, peace, kindness to others and satisfaction.

While I had a few precious moments alone yesterday, this thought struck me powerfully...how do I make God feel when I repeatedly disobey Him and His commands?  In that moment of total frustration when I cried out to my kids...I felt hurt, ignored, unappreciated, unloved, unheard...  It was sobering to think that I do the very same thing to God...All The Time.

He gives us rules for a reason...not to restrict us, but to free us from our own

 tendencies of making terrible choices.

Choosing the path of obedience is a life-long lesson, of trusting in His guidance and His plans for our lives, knowing that He will not lead us astray.  

Legacy of Love

It's easy to pass through life, never acknowledging the people who mean the most to us, do the most for us, have shaped our lives in the most positive ways.  Today, as we celebrate my Mom's birthday, I want to acknowledge and honor a woman who has done so much, for so many people over the span of her life.

As I thought about my mom this past weekend, there was one quality that stuck out to me more than any other: Unconditional Love.  My mom's steadfast, unwavering love for her family has been like a beacon of hope in a difficult and hard world.  Being a parent now myself, I've grown to appreciate more and more all that my mom did for me and what a blessed childhood I truly had.

At an early age, my mom instilled in me a strong work ethic, teaching me not just to do things but to do them well.  She also taught me the value of perseverance.  These qualities have served me well, whether during the years when I was still working, or now as a parent.  Perseverance in particular has been a crucial element of my day to day world...in handling the challenges of 4 children, in maintaining a healthy marriage, and in handling with strength and determination, the trials and challenges that I have faced.

My mom is also courageous.  I'm not sure if I will ever have the grace and poise to handle so much grief and heartache at once as she does. I never imagined my family could suffer a more difficult blow than losing my brother last year.  But this was followed just weeks later by the realization that my mom was in a struggle of her own.  She has courageously been fighting the difficult and discouraging fight against Alzheimer's.  Despite my deepest prayers and pleas for her healing, there has been a slow but steady chipping away at the Mom I once knew.  I never imagined going through this stage of my life without her....never thought this was even a possibility.  But when it is tempting to sink into despair...or to cry out at the unfairness of it all...I still look to her example, of calm acceptance, of trying to make the most of each day that we still have together, and of a quiet faith, that says "Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done..."

While my mom is the one who now needs more help with things she was, just last year, able to do on her own, the first words she speaks every time she enters my home are, "What can I do to help you?"    While many would be drowning in discontent, in bitterness, and in hopelessness, my mom forges ahead, still trying to find the positive in each new day.

Her faith and her faithfulness to her family have set a strong example for me to follow in my own role as a parent.  Her resolve to make the most of an incredibly difficult situation is inspiring and convicting at the same time.  I am blessed beyond measure to have the Mom that I do.

Heartbreak and Broken-Hearted

 I imagine myself, anxious and afraid, sitting with my feet dangling on the edge of an examination table.  I look with expectation toward the physician who is typing some notes on his laptop, brow furrowed in concentration, waiting for his diagnosis.  He turns to me, and without hesitation, he says, "You have a heart condition."

I sag a little under the weight of this news...but the reality is, it doesn't come as a complete shock to me.  I've known it for quite some time....you see, I was born with it.

"What can I do?" I ask him.  He looks at me with compassion and kindness in his eyes and says, "Realization and acceptance are the first steps to healing."

The heart condition I'm referring to here isn't something unique to me...no it's a condition that afflicts every one of us...it's a life-long, ever-present disease that eats away at our joy, our peace, our ability to live and exist in this world and truly enjoy it in the ways we were intended to.

You see, the heart is a tricky little organ.  It does so much more
than pump the life-sustaining blood through our bodies from a few weeks in-utero until the day we die.  Our hearts were created with a deep need...a longing to be filled...and with the capability of controlling our every desire and emotion and encounter as we walk through this long journey of life.

In my own life, I've discovered that it takes a very great heart break to realize or be reminded that  I have a broken heart.  

It takes a situation that plunges me far beyond my capacity to hope to help me recognize the true condition of my flawed, human heart.  I can only hide behind the guise of self-sufficiency for so long.  Eventually I will, and do, encounter a situation that is simply too intense for me to withstand on my own strength.  And in those moments of despair...that is when the true test begins, that is when my innermost beliefs and tendencies are revealed for all to see.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  Matthew 6:21

Had I not sought after the Lord, over and over again, my heart would have given up or given out by now.  I would have succumbed to the often tempting "solutions" of self-pity, or self-medication through food or material possessions...I would have fallen prey to total despair or great bitterness.  But He gives Grace to me...So Much Grace.  

He brings a kind of pure and effervescent joy to my world that is often dim, dark and desperate.

He takes away my heart of stone and gives me a heart of flesh again.  (Ezekiel 36:26)

By the grace of God, and that alone, I've been able to overcome the faltering, diseased condition of my heart.  He's given me a heart that is full and vital.  I cringe to think of what my life might look like today, had I not chosen to allow the Great Physician to heal my heart.  It is with total assurance that I can say, His Grace is Sufficient...and when I am weak, then I am strong.

The day that changed everything...

 November 10th...a special day in our family as we celebrate the birthday of our oldest son.  My dear, dear Carter is already 9 years old and I can hardly believe how the years have just flown by.  Thinking back to those first days and months as a new parent, all the things I didn't know...how very dramatic a change it was to go from a working woman to a stay at home mom....  it's crazy to reflect on how many things have changed.




 



I marvel now at the ways that parenting has changed me.  In a single day, I went from living my life pretty much exactly the way I wanted to do things, to being at the beck and call of a screaming infant.  Every second of my day (and night!) was devoted to his care and protection.  And I never, ever realized how needy a baby could be.







I've watched Carter grow from that first child to the older brother...times 3 (and soon 4!!).  I am so blessed and awed at this opportunity I've been granted, to have and raise these children.  The awesome task of teaching them all that they need to know stops me in my tracks sometimes.  It gives me a deeper appreciation for my own parents and all that they did and sacrificed for me.  It has both stretched and strengthened my marriage.  It has caused me to completely reevaluate my priorities and the things that are really important in this life.  It has given me a whole new perspective on my relationship with God...He as my Father and I as His child ...and the kind of love this implies.