Like a well watered garden...

 I took the baby out for a 45 minute run in her jogging stroller the other day, right in the peak of the afternoon heat and sunshine.  As I finished and trudged up the driveway, I was just aching for a nice, cold, refreshing drink.  I had a deep need at that moment and knew it would only be satisfied when I drank some water.

Over the holiday weekend we spent a LOT of time outdoors...the weather was absolutely perfect for working in the yard and gardens.  I began to think again about the need for water...how essential it is for these plants to survive.

Life is so very fragile.  I'm reminded again and again of this when I look back over the journey I've been on in the last few years.  My need for God, for His guidance, for His sustaining grace, mercy, forgiveness, and His peace are seared into my consciousness as I walk through this very deep valley.  Like that desperate gulp of water I take after an exhausting run...I grab hold of the Lord even more tightly during times of peril.  But He desires even more...He reminds me that the need is always there...
I need Him every day, just as much on the good days as I do on the bad...just as I need water every day to thrive and survive.  He will guide me ALWAYS, as the words of Isaiah 58:11 remind me.  He will make me like a well-watered garden.  He will not fail me!

I can choose to live out my faith in two ways.  In the first...I wait until I'm wilting and withering away...too weary of going at it alone...and then turn back to God.

In the second, I draw deeply from the well of His limitless spring of fresh, life-giving water every day.  I recognize my need, my absolute inability to manage on my own, relying on Him completely.  He satisfies me...He strengthens me...He will not fail.

Productive...

 Ah, the harvest...

We long for this time of year to come for so many months...and then suddenly, it is here.  Plants that were dead for so many months began to show signs of life again as the spring weather warms the soil.  They have endured many weeks of fluctuating temperatures and frosts and heavy rains...but now, in spite of the pressures and challenges (and the voracious bunnies and chipmunks)..they are flourishing.

Now there is the daily job of picking our shiny red, delicious strawberries. Tonight, with the help of the girls, I picked 4 pounds of the berries...it's kind of hard to believe, really...right in our own backyard!

 Watching our garden plants go from dormancy or tiny seedlings to the harvest is a lengthy and arduous process.  For so long there is doubt... will they survive...will there be anything to show for all this effort?

Don't grow weary...

This message reverberates in my mind tonight as I contemplate the hard work we put into our flower and veggie gardens today...pulling weeds, tilling the soil to make room for many new seedlings, planting the tiny seedlings in neat rows.  This message reminds me too of my faith...of the need to tend to it daily, to pull up any encroaching weeds, to guard it carefully with a covering of prayer.

In due season, I will indeed reap.  I will not give up, though it's tempting at times to allow life to swallow up my resolve, my determination, my hope.  I look at the small harvest from today, and I am reminded that all good things take time.  Never, never grow weary of doing good...the harvest will come.

Family is beautiful...

Sweet Dalis

 A quick trip to Lancaster this week was such a blessing to me and the whole family.  Especially on this week of so much heartache, I was reminded of the powerful bonds that carry us through these difficult times...encouraged by the others in our family who have suffered similar losses...bolstered to keep pressing on in this journey of life.

As I stood for a group photo with many cousins, aunts and uncles last night, it was as if I could sense the presence of my brother, who posed in so many similar photos over the years with me.  Today, I am particularly grieving his departure from this earth, missing the joy and laughter he brought to our lives, wishing he'd had the opportunity to experience what it is to be a "dad" to his beautiful daughter.  Every photo I see of her brings me new joy these days...I see her sweet, smiling face...a legacy that lives on for the years to come...

I treasure my family and all that they are and have been to me.  I would not be who I am today without their influences and without their prayers.  And I treasure my own family...the time we were given to get away from the craziness of life just to enjoy being together for a few days.

Family is truly beautiful!

Intensity...

"Did you see my new soccer shoes?  I have new soccer shoes!"

Every day for about the past 3 weeks now, Lawson has lived and breathed to wear his soccer shoes...from the minute he finishes breakfast in the morning, until we peel them, often wet and sweaty from his little feet at night.  Tonight at dinner, not only was he wearing the cleats, but he also insisted on clutching an orange soccer ball in his right arm while trying to eat.  This kid is intensely devoted to his sports...whether it's football, hockey, basketball or soccer...he loves them all and never stops moving.  He will slide open the door in the kitchen after breakfast each morning and proclaim, "It's a nice day out!"  (Which in toddler speak means, "I'm going outside right now.")  It could be raining...it could be sub-zero temperatures...that's no matter to him.  He just wants to get out there and play play play.

I love watching my kids...so much of what they do is done with such an intensity.  They aren't afraid to throw themselves entirely into whatever pursuit they fancy, with no fear of failing.  Carter and Reese competed in a Field Day Event last week and it was so great, watching them rotate through ten different events and seeing the joy on their faces as they raced for a top place ribbon.

When I think about my walk with the Lord, I long to have the kind of intensity my kids have when it comes to my faith, my pursuit of Him.  I recognize as I delve into Scripture the full measure of His pursuit of me and it is so very humbling...that He relentlessly loves me, won't ever give up on me, has given everything for me.

I read a great verse from Isaiah in the Amplified version today...

And therefore the Lord [earnestly] waits [expecting, looking, and longing] to be gracious to you; and therefore He lifts Himself up, that He may have mercy on you and show loving-kindness to you. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) are all those who [earnestly] wait for Him, who expect and look and long for Him [for His victory, His favor, His love, His peace, His joy, and His matchless, unbroken companionship]!

 This speaks to my heart during a week that is emotionally heavy for me.  I find blessing when I look...and long...for Him.  He gives to me:

Victory

Favor

Love

Peace

Joy and Matchless, unbroken companionship

May we all strive to follow God with an intensity that throws caution to the wind...as a sprinter racing across the finish line throws himself forward with every last ounce of his strength...

Turkeys and True Dependence...

 "Did you know you have a turkey in your backyard?"

Well yes, I actually did notice that.  "Yes," I told our little neighbor who had come by after dinner to share this news.  About 4 days ago, our newest feathered friend who Sienna affectionately named, "Toots" showed up to dine under our bird feeders.  Now, she's been appearing at least once or twice a day every day since.  Another beauty arrived yesterday, a lovely Mother's Day surprise, my favorite, the Rose Breasted Grosbeak.

I never cease to be amazed by the beauty and diversity of God's creation.  From the gangling and awkward turkey to the astonishingly beautiful grosbeak...so different and unique and marvelous to behold.

I welcome these glimpses of beauty in my often-chaotic and messy world.  They are reminders to me of the bigger picture...of what is unfolding beyond just these four walls I inhabit for most of my waking hours.

The kids started memorizing this hymn today...

All things bright and beautiful,
all creatures great and small,
all things wise and wonderful,
the Lord God made them all.

Each little flower that opens,
each little bird that sings,
he made their glowing colors,
he made their tiny wings. 

 There seems a dissonance at times...between the beauty of the world around me to the pain and trouble I see in my own life.  I long for beauty, for order, for happiness, for healing...when it doesn't come I struggle to understand.  Yesterday I felt that I gained a better understanding of all of this in our pastor's sermon.  He was explaining how God often uses pain in our lives to bring us closer to Him.  

As I thought about this, I began to realize that in order to be close to God, you first have to need Him.

But wait...don't I understand this...I've been following Him for as long as my memory goes back haven't I?  But no...I'm as susceptible to the human condition of "self" as anyone else.  When times are good, I default to "self"...I have no need for the down on my knees prayers of a desperate person when things are going smoothly.  

Paul was imprisoned when He wrote several of his greatest books of the Bible.  He penned the words..."When I am weak, then I am strong" and I can truly understand now why he would have written such a thing.  I'm so much better off when I'm in true dependence on God than when I'm trying to blunder my way through life on my own.  
Sometimes things happen that are sudden and unexpected, unplanned and confusing. He's calling me, at those times more than any other, just to trust...to know that He is still in control.  

His Marvelous Light...

We are creatures designed to live in the light.  I crave it...I look forward to the sunrise every day.  To me light has an instant medicinal quality...a boost for my emotional state, my stamina, my enjoyment of each day. The light heals the pains of the dark night...it brings renewal and refreshment.  I love these months of summer with the longer days...extra time to spend in natural sunlight...


I read a verse from 1 Peter this week and it grabbed hold of me just thinking about how God has literally called us, called me, out of darkness and into His marvelous light.  He illuminates my soul with His truths, He brings light to my darkest days, hope in the situations that seem to lack any.

When I stop to dwell on the truly difficult situations in my life, I have this visual image of God, coming near in that overwhelming pain.  As He draws near, the scene around me begins to fade away as His light becomes brighter and brighter until all I can see is Him.

As I study the lives of great men and women of the faith, I am touched by how many of them suffered...and yet, were still able to praise God in the midst of their pain.  How were they able to accomplish such a feat?  I truly believe it goes back to this same idea of the light.  They were called into His light...and when the things of this world diminished into the background, they were able to focus solely on the One Who gives us Light.

 John 8:12 says, "I am the Light of the world.  Whoever follows Me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life."

How can I survive this unrelenting pain...how can I wake up day after day and not lose all hope?  It is all a matter of focus...do I focus on ME...or on GOD?  Do I dwell on the temporal, or the eternal?  Do I question the "fairness" of a life I understand so little about or trust in His plan for me?  My fists are so tightly balled around what I think is my "stake"... my "choice"... my life.  Slowly, ever so slowly, my grip loosens...I relinquish my control and surrender it up to God.  I am so broken as I cry out to Him and ask Him to take whatever is left of me and use it for His purposes, for His glory.  His Light floods into my heart in a way I can't deny, can't ignore...and in that moment of surrender, I praise Him...because He is right by my side.  His love can't be ignored...it is with me always...has been all along.

Hills and Valleys

Where do you set your eyes?

When every possible distraction is vying for your attention, your devotion, your focus, where do you finally settle in for the long ride home?

I had an opportunity to do a little gardening on Sunday afternoon and as I stood to survey my front beds, I quickly realized that my bushes and trees were getting very crowded...that some things needed to be cut back and moved.  The first "victim" was the Japanese maple tree, which got a good pruning of all the low-hanging branches.  Next I turned my attention to a rose bush that was sandwiched between two larger holly bushes.  I marveled at the size of it.  Only two years back, I had dug this same rose bush up from it's first home on our hillside.  It was struggling to survive there and had only one rose bloom the whole year.  The year after I moved it, it nearly doubled in size and produced many beautiful and fragrant roses.  But here I was again, shovel in hand, ready to dig it up...and this time not for being scraggly and under-productive but for growing too fast!

I jumped down on the shovel with both feet to loosen the roots, knowing I was certainly not going to be able to salvage all of them.  I felt sorry for this poor bush that was going to undergo yet another difficult transplant.  I dug a new hole for it, down by the mailbox.  Next I used the clippers to prune it back...trimming off many of the growing buds that would soon have been roses.  It seemed unfair...inopportune...a shame....but without this pruning, it would have had an even more difficult time rebounding from the move.

As I spent a few hours with my hands in the dirt, I began to ponder the similarities of growth and change, of beautiful blooms and difficult pruning seasons....similarities to my life...to many of our lives.
I have experienced these amazing highs and desperate lows...I've grasped at the wind for answers...trying to understand...to cope...to somehow appreciate these seasons of life.  Sometimes I succeed...sometimes I flounder...but my rate of success is fully dependent on where I set my eyes...

I know what I'm "supposed" to do...just like that rose bush that will instinctively keep on growing, despite the trauma I've put it through...I will keep growing as long as I am able to grow.  Isn't that exactly what God wants for my life...to grow, to push with all my might even if I am only able to produce one meager rose in a growing season?

I heard a song today that reminds me of this journey...I serve a God of hills and valleys...but even in the deepest valleys, I keep my eyes on Him.