Irrepressible joy...

I hung up the phone the other day with these words echoing through my mind, "God always wins."  I stood barefoot in my kitchen, looking out the window at my kids splashing in their blow-up pool on the deck.  Their laughter permeated the whole house...their joy at the coolness of the water on an oppressively hot day was undeniable.  I look at the yard as they play.  There has been a resurgence of summer for the past two weeks.  There hasn't been a drop of rain, everything is withered and dry, the grass is dead, the trees are losing their leaves.

"God always wins," said my dear friend Miss Sally.  How true a statement, yet do I live with that sort of mindset?  My friend Sally lives with an unquenchable, irrepressible joy, in spite of her many pains her seasons of drought, and her trials.  At almost 103 years old, she has the vitality of a woman decades younger.  Smiles come effortlessly to her lips, words of encouragement bubble out of her, you visit her with the expectation of offering her something, but always come away blessed by what she has offered to you.

Yesterday we spent an hour in the home of Miss Sally...shared some good stories and many hugs.  And again, as we drove away, I was encouraged.  I was encouraged to see how for so many years God has been so real to her, given her such a confidence and a joy so as to keep on keeping on, even at her astounding age.  "God always wins," she had told me...in spite of the chaos that ensues in this world, the pain, the trials and tests...we can be assured of that.  May the way that I live, victoriously, reflect the truths of God's promises to me.  May I claim that great victory I know I have...over sin, over death, over sorrow, over pain, and live out my years in that irrepressible joy only He can offer.  James 1:2 reminds me to "Count it all joy..."  And John 7:38  (BSB )reminds me that even in the midst of my droughts...my deepest pains, "To the one who believes in Me, it is just as the Scripture has said: 'Streams of living water' will flow from within him."

My Own Understanding...

While driving today, the radio program I was listening to was talking about an astronaut on the International Space Station.   Gazing up at the seemingly infinite blue sky, I tried to picture him, up there so very far from home, traveling at a mind-boggling 17,150 miles per hour!  I pictured him, looking down on earth...what it must be life to have a perspective like that.  As much as I try to imagine it, it is so far beyond my understanding...so foreign to me.

The more I think about the complexity of the things around me, the more I am humbled, in awe of the amazing world we live in.

How do the leaves turn such gorgeous colors every Fall?  How do the trees "know" they need to lose their leaves in order to survive the harsh winter?

How do birds know to migrate?  And to what location?

How do sunflowers, so tall and cheerful, grow from one tiny seed?

How does a bird or butterfly know how to fly, what to eat, how to build a nest?

How does the sun heat our atmosphere to the perfect temperature for us to survive comfortably here on earth?

How do tiny bees find the flowers they need to survive and then find their way back to the hive?

My understanding is so limited.  I fall back on it far more often than I should.  I forge ahead on the path I think I should take, but too often I trip and fall.  I lose my way because I rely on a faulty understanding.  I grow discouraged because I try to understand things I simply cannot.

"In all your ways acknowledge Him..."  I acknowledge with great humility that His design for this earth, for the inner workings of our world, for humanity, and for me, are far beyond my comprehension.  I acknowledge that a God that has shown such care, such attention to detail, such concern for me, deserves my utmost attention and devotion and reverence.  I acknowledge that He has a plan for me, and though it doesn't always match up with my plan, that it is the best.

And so I wait in His directions...I'm traveling in unfamiliar territory.  I won't make it on my own.  I wait for Him to direct my paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6King James Version (KJV)

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Vast as the Ocean...

How do I fathom the unfathomable?

How do I grasp something I'm incapable of grasping?

How do I have faith when the answers I'm looking for aren't forthcoming or don't seem to make any sense at all?

There are times I feel as tossed and turned as a delicate shell...washed up on the beach only to be swept back into the raging waters by the next wave.

Sometimes I feel like there is an ocean separating me from God. How can He be there, have a plan for me, love me, when it seems like so many things are going wrong?  Why doesn't He step in to help me in my pain?

And the answer does come this time...as soft as a gentle breeze. He calms the waves so I can hear, He stills the winds so I don't miss it.  He already has done everything for me....everything I need, all I could ever ask of Him.  He died for me... to save me.  His love for me is too vast to comprehend...that even when I neglected Him, brushed Him off, didn't take Him seriously and sinned against Him, He still loved me.

My mom shared a beautiful hymn with me, one of her favorites.  It reminds me of the love God has for me...reminds me that His love is truly as vast as the ocean...incomprehensible to my feeble human mind.

"Here is Love, Vast as the Ocean" by Willaim Rees

Here is love, vast as the ocean,
Lovingkindness as the flood,
When the Prince of life, our Ransom,
Shed for us His precious blood.
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heav’n’s eternal days.

On the mount of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide;
Through the floodgates of God’s mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above.
And Heav’n’s peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love.

Weary...

Are you weary?  Do you feel worn down and discouraged?

I spent 10 hours in the car a few days ago, driving home from our vacation.  Tired could not even describe what I was feeling...it was so good to get away but the toll it took on my husband and I to keep 5 kids entertained and alive for a week at the beach was heavy indeed.  About 8 hours into the drive, Derrick turned and said to me, "You do realize you have your pants on inside out don't you?"  That gave everyone a good laugh...and no, I did not bother to change them at that point...just left them that way for the rest of the day.

This may have been the most tiring week I've ever experienced.  It was a grueling 7-day,14 hour daily marathon of sunscreen and swimming and lugging chairs and umbrellas, breaking up fights, making meals, doing laundry, and trying to get kids to sleep.  And all I could say at the end of it was: I'm weary.

Coming back home is both a relief and a return to reality.  I'm faced once again with the day to day, and with the pain I carry constantly.  At times I wish I could leave this pain behind me...wish for it to end...for a return to the past.

Why does God allow us to stay in a place of very deep pain? 

This question I struggle with often.  I try to put up my walls, to hold back the sorrows, but they sweep over me like a tidal wave still at times.

Isaiah 50:4 (NLT)  The Sovereign Lord has given me His words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning He wakens me and opens my understanding to His will.    

A sermon a few weeks back convicted my heart and made me think about this in a new light.  The story was that of Paul and Silas being thrown into prison.  They endured a brutal beating and were placed in stocks in the jail cell.  Acts 16 recounts how at this point of absolute desolation, where it seemed there was little hope or reason to rejoice, Paul and Silas were praying and singing praises to God.  And others were taking notice.  When and earthquake caused the prison to shake so much that the doors all flew open and the chains of every prisoner fell off, they stayed put.  They could have escaped, but instead stayed and shouted to the jailer who was on the verge of killing himself, "We are all here!"

I too, have a responsibility to God, to respond to my own circumstances in a way that glorifies Him. Why does He allow me to experience pain, weariness, trials and tests?  When my situation is at it's darkest, my light will shine most brightly.  I shout out, even in the midst of my pain, "I am still here!  I'm not going anywhere.  Use me God, even now, to be a help, an encouragement, a light to the world around me."  I am weary but I am not crushed...

2 Corinthians 4:7-9  (NIV)  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 

Rose Colored...

"I love my new goggles, Mama.  They make everything look pink.  I NEVER want to take them off!"

My kids all got new goggles while we were on vacation this week.  True to her usual form, Sienna chose all pink goggles with pink lenses.  She was so pleased with her purchase I think she would truly have worn them all day.

Oh that all of life could be lived looking through rose-colored glasses. 

Much the same as going away for a week of vacation, we long for an escape from the stark realities of life.  To be quite honest, a week of "vacation" with 5 kids is hardly an escape from everyday life.  I've had almost no voice left by the end of the day for the past 3 days from having to yell at the kids so much, parts of my body ache that have never ached before, and the baby has taken a total of 1 nap in her crib all week...it is truly exhausting!  But still, it is a wonderful escape from the normal routine, a chance to enjoy

the beauty of a new place and to spend a LOT of quality time together as a family.













As our time away comes to an end, I must prepare myself to face reality once more.  Reality isn't always a bad thing...as "pretty" as I want things to be...God wants me to dive deeper, to put myself outside of my comfort zone, to trust Him and not be directed by my fears, or my desires for things to "look" a certain way.



Standing on the beach last night with the kids, there was the most amazing color in the sky.  It was sunset...a rosy haze was cast over everything...it was an idyllic sort of beauty.  In the midst of this, as I was trying to snap some photos, the kids were fighting, pouting, running in every direction except the way I wanted them to go.  It was a reminder to me, in that moment, of how I often desire life to be easy and straightforward and "perfect"...but the realities are often so very different.  At the same time though, God has prepared me for this, warned of it, and offered me help.  He never promised me a life that was rose-colored but what He did promise was a reality of His constant protection and guidance and love and grace.  He promised to be there with me every step of the way.  He promised to love me with an everlasting love.  As harsh as reality can often be, I'm glad that I don't have to face it alone.




2 Corinthians 8:9 (AMPC)  

 For you are becoming progressively acquainted with and recognizing more strongly and clearly the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ (His kindness, His gracious generosity, His undeserved favor and spiritual blessing), [in] that though He was [so very] rich, yet for your sakes He became [so very] poor, in order that by His poverty you might become enriched (abundantly supplied).

The Lifeguard

Genesis 28:15 (AMPC)  And behold, I am with you and will  keep watch over you with care, take notice of you wherever you may go...

He walked with a slightly confident swagger; fluorescent orange shorts and a red cutoff  t-shirt a dead giveaway as to his profession.  He wore these, even off duty, as a sort of badge of honor...and rightly so.  His job was to protect and save lives, what could be more honorable than that?   Emblazoned on the back of his shirt was one word, "LIFEGUARD."

There is something comforting about entering into the tumultuous surf, knowing that a lifeguard is nearby...watching.  The ocean is so unpredictable...so powerful...and filled with so many potential hazards.  I am certainly not qualified to do an ocean rescue if it involves anything beyond the shallow surf.  I've seen a rescue before...seen the flailing victim, helplessly being carried out to sea.  And I've watched a lifeguard, cut with confidence and speed right through the same water, unafraid and with a single purpose in mind...to save.

Life too...like that awesome ocean...is full of potential hazards, rip currents of unexpected loss, pummeling waves that will knock even the strongest person off their feet.  And I am thankful, ever so thankful, for the Lifeguard, who is on duty 24/7, looking for anyone who needs to be rescued.  I've been caught up in rugged surf before and have felt His strong grip on my arm, pulling me to safety.  I know my inadequacies when it comes to negotiating these troubled waters on my own.  There is someone ...no, Someone...so much greater than I, who cares about my well-being, my safety, my life, and my very soul.  He will not turn away from me, will never leave or forsake me, His watchful eye is ever upon me.


Luke 19:10 (NLT)  "For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost."