When God Parked My Minivan...

This is a story about a morning gone awry...about a day I just had to get out of the house with the kids or my mind was going to explode...about everything going wrong and nothing going right.  There are temper tantrums, tears, and parenting fails galore.  But in the midst of all this...there was a miracle...

I decided to take the kids to the library this past Wednesday.  We love going to the library...books...free books...what more could you ask for? But on this particular day it seemed like no one was loving this plan.  Both Sienna and Lawson were in a funk and protesting vehemently about going.  I realized halfway there that I had forgotten to bring the stroller which meant I was going to have to navigate the already tricky outing while holding a very crabby baby the entire time...and carry 5 large bags containing about 80 books we were returning.  As we neared the library I began to panic...there must have been something going on in town that day because there was absolutely no parking, either in the library lot or on the streets around it.  I drove...and drove...and drove...and not until we were about three blocks away did I find an open space.  It was now raining steadily.  Two kids were still whining.  Sienna was actually telling me just to give up and go home!  I made one last pass by the library and there on the street right by the entrance was an open space. 

Now you need to understand something about me right away.  My parallel parking skills leave MUCH to be desired and that is when I'm driving my little Honda Civic.  Driving my minivan it's even worse.  I strongly contemplated taking my 5-year-old's advice and just passing up the spot and heading home because I was quite sure I wouldn't be able to maneuver the van into a spot that tight on a busy road where I'd literally get one try at it.  But something told me to give it a go.  I pulled up quickly next to the spot, and backed right in, lining up perfectly along the curb with textbook accuracy.  How was this even possible??

We made it into the library...the baby was crabby and crying the whole time.  Two kids had to use the bathroom within the first two minutes.  About 5 minutes after we returned to get books I realized Eva was only wearing one of her Crocs so I had to search all over for that.   As we were checking out I gave two copies of my book to the librarian I have known there for almost a decade.  She was really excited and started to flip through it right away and handed the second copy to the other librarian.  I was feeling good, had even managed to get Eva to stop crying, and then Lawson threw himself down on the floor in a complete kicking and screaming temper tantrum.  I have no idea why?!  As I was trying to bribe, drag, whisper scream at him to leave RIGHT NOW I wondered if all my credibility as a parent had just vanished.  How could a simple trip to the library be so hard?

Later that night, in the after-bedtime quiet, I took some time to reflect back on my catastrophe of a morning.  But smack there in the middle was that parking spot.  Clearly God must have wanted me there that morning, because there was NO way I ever would have succeeded in parking my van in that spot on my own.  Why did He choose that moment to intervene and not in the middle of one of the temper tantrums?  Why did He help me at all? 

I think about this on a much larger scale.  I look at the situations mounting up around me, and I suddenly realize something.  God is intervening on my behalf all the time, of this I am positive beyond a doubt.  But do I focus on the good things, on the blessings or only on the trials?  I wonder how often He gently steps in to intervene on my behalf as I stumble through my days?  I wonder how many instances He's helped to keep me or one of the kids safe from harm?  I wonder how often He's given me peace on a day my head was spinning with emotional turmoil?  The thing that reverberates in my head is that He Cares...He cares about the tiniest of details in my life and He wants the best for me...though His best isn't always what I would have in mind in my imperfect view of life.  Do I trust Him to help me when it matters the most?  Do I believe that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Rain and Rainbows...

"Watch for a rainbow...you know whenever the dark storm clouds are here you might see one."

Sienna, Lawson and I were coloring the driveway with sidewalk chalk the other evening, watching an approaching storm.  Black clouds loomed closer and closer and I knew our time outdoors was going to be cut short.  All day long the weather had flip flopped back and forth between bright sunshine and storms.  I hoped we might catch a glimpse of a rainbow before the day was through.

"I'll draw the rain," Sienna volunteered.  We had drawn a big rainbow and a sunshine on the driveway and she wanted it to be as authentic as possible.  "It's perfect now!" 

Indeed...it was perfect.  The rain in no way detracted from the beauty of the rainbow...it enhanced it. 

I find myself in my own personal storm right now.  The darkest of storm clouds are piling up overhead.  There appears to be not a shred of hope.  I watch my mom, the vibrant, energetic, adventurous, selfless woman I've always known and leaned on, slip away more and more by the day now.  On this day I tried not to notice that she was wearing two different shoes and three shirts and a sweater on an 80-degree day.  I tried not to notice as she tried to cut and eat her pizza with a spoon.  I tried not to notice as she forgot all the names of her grandchildren.  I tried not to notice when she asked me the same questions over and over again.  This is a vicious and relentless storm!

I sat on the driveway, watching the kids color and my gaze caught a flash of yellow in the side yard.  A lily my mom had picked out for me last Mother's Day was blooming brilliantly. 

Flashes of beauty in the midst of a storm.  Reminders of light, shining through the darkness...hope...

My perspective is always changing, maturing, evolving with the situations I find myself in.  After an extended period of many trials, I find myself more and more turning my eyes heavenward, looking for that rainbow in the clouds. 

"You can't have a rainbow without rain..."  Sienna said as she drew dashes of blue all over the driveway.

"Yes, you are right Sienna...."

The Lord doesn't promise to take all my hurts away, but He brings me into a spacious place, a place where my perspective is broadened and I am given new hope. 

Psalm 118:5-7 "When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord;

    he brought me into a spacious place.

6 

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.

    What can mere mortals do to me?

7 

The Lord is with me; he is my helper."

Psalm 56:8-11Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll- are they not in your record? Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help. By this I will know that God is for me.  In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise-in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me?

The Storm...

It wasn't the pouring rain or the flashes of lightning or pounding thunder that woke me up from sleep the other night, but the cries of three-year-old Lawson from his bed.  I got up and went in to comfort him.  He still hasn't recovered from one incident last summer when we were caught in a very bad storm on our way home from the library.  Whenever he even sees the skies growing dark, he asks if there is going to be thunder. 

On this night, I could see he would not be comforted left alone in his bed and would only wake the other kids, so I brought him back to my room and he snuggled into a peaceful sleep between Derrick and I. 

As I opened his Bible for his bedtime story the next night, I had to smile.  The story was from Mark 4, the disciples and Jesus were caught in a terrible storm at sea.  Here they were, a small group of men in a little fishing boat, being tossed around by the fierce storm.  The boat rose and fell on the swells and their faith dwindled and faltered.  How could this be?  Had God abandoned them?  Was He really unaware of the peril they were in?  But there He was, sleeping on the floor of the boat!

They woke Jesus and immediately He calmed the storm.

Mark 4: 38-40 AMPC

...they awoke Him and said to Him, Master, do You not care that we are perishing? And He arose and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, Hush now! Be still (muzzled)! And the wind ceased (sank to rest as if exhausted by its beating) and there was [immediately] a great calm (a perfect peacefulness). He said to them, Why are you so timid and fearful? How is it that you have no faith (no firmly relying trust)?

Do I trust God, even in the most fearsome storms of my life?  When the floodwaters rage , when the lightning flashes and the thunder booms and all hope seems lost, do I still trust in the One Who values me more than anyone else? 

But God, I can't make it through this.  How could you let this happen to me?  It seems as if you are asleep, that you aren't even aware of everything that is happening in my life right now.  All hope seems lost...

I forget that He is right there, with me, through every trial.  I forget the promises He has made to me, promises never to leave me or forsake me, never to give me any more than I can handle.  He comforts me, even though the storm rages on.  He brings me a kind of effervescent peace that transcends even my greatest sorrows and pains. 

Yesterday I asked Sienna to draw me a picture of the storm that came through our neighborhood...she drew a picture of a person, smiling, while the rain fell and the lightning flashed.  I had to smile myself when she handed it to me, for isn't that the kind of attitude I am to have?  Am I truly relying...firmly...on Him to get me through this storm and the many storms still to come?

I Made My Bed...

"Have you seen my room, Mama?  Come and see it!" 

This was the third time Sienna was urging me to come see her room and I finally stopped folding laundry to oblige her.  As I rounded the corner, my initial reaction was shock.  Literally every toy in her room appeared to be dumped out on the floor and both the girls' beds. 

"Um, Sienna....what am I looking at?  It looks like a huge mess in here."

"I made my bed!"

Sure enough, under more of the sprawl of toys and beanie babies, her bed was neatly made.  I struggled to find a complement...still reeling from the mess and calculating how long it would take to get the room back together again. 

"Well, nice job, Sienna..."  I trailed off...it was hard to think of much more to say than that. 



As I returned to my chore, I had to chuckle to myself.  So often my kids are coming to me, seeking approval for something when in the process they've made a bigger mess of things.  Eva likes to "help" me with putting laundry in the dryer, which means most of the clean clothes end up on the floor.  Lawson likes to "help" peel carrots, which means he is soaking wet and there are carrot peels all over the counter and floor.

Why do I let them do this...and why do I still affirm their efforts?  Because they need to learn...

My children teach me yet another lesson about my relationship with God in these daily interactions.  In these instances, I see myself, trying so hard to work out my faith.  God in His mercy and grace allows me the freedom to do things, make decisions on my own, and to make mistakes.  I remember the added frustration of having to clean up all these messes...of thinking to myself, "I could have done this job so much better and more quickly on my own."  And it hits me...God extends this same gift to me.  He allows me to learn by trying and trying again.  He affirms me, cheers me on, still loves me in spite of all my messes.  "But God, I made my bed!"  Even though the rest of my life is a hot hot mess...and He acknowledges me and urges me to keep pressing on...

Switching Gears...

I was out for a bike ride a week ago with the kids.  The bike trailer was hooked up to the back of my bike and Lawson and Eva were enjoying the ride, complete with drinks and snacks.  We'd just returned from vacation where we biked almost every day on very flat roads.  Now, I struggled in the quickly-rising temperatures as I pedaled through our hilly neighborhood, fumbling to find the right gears as I either sped down or crawled up each hill.  The exertion of pedaling the bike up hill while towing the 70 lb. toddler-laden trailer was very great.  I had to switch to a lower gear, or it would be nearly impossible.

From vacation...back to reality.  Back to the realization that life is hard, so much harder than I can navigate successfully by my own meager strength.  The burden I carry is heavy and I must switch gears if I want to make it to the top of the next hill.

Sometimes, the mere act of slowing down causes me to look at things in a whole new light.  Sometimes, rather than shaking my fist at the big hills...the slow-downs...the burdens...I instead should be thanking God for the opportunity to switch gears.  I have to switch out of auto-pilot and be more aware of my surroundings, my limitations, and God's presence and strength.

I crave an infusion of God's strength when the roads become steep.  I long for His help when the burdens are heavy.  And when I seek Him... I find Him.

Psalm 105:4(AMPC)Seek, inquire of and for the Lord, and crave Him and His strength (His might and inflexibility to temptation); seek and require His face and His presence [continually] evermore.