Wishing the Winter Away...

I was in Target with Reese today picking up a birthday gift for her friend.  It was startling to walk into the store just four days after Christmas and already see a display of Valentine's Day items at the very front of the store.  I haven't even got my house put back together after celebrating one holiday and the stores are already moving right along to the next.  Don't get me wrong, I love holidays.  I especially love holidays during these long winter months.  They bring cheer and excitement to some otherwise very dreary days.  But have we lost our ability to savor....to really enjoy and appreciate and soak in the meaning and the memories; always looking ahead and wishing for the next thing...

I was walking around the neighborhood with my mom this week, searching for things to talk about with her.  Our walks have changed so much in the past year...the conversation is very limited now.  We were both enjoying the sunshine that day and the warmth it brought to our faces.  As we walked, I shared with her, "I always appreciate the nice days more after we have had such a long stretch of bad weather." 

Indeed...Pittsburgh winters can be brutal with day after day of dreary skies, and in the case of this winter, many rainy days.  After not seeing the sun for a week or more, even just an hour of sunshine is like a welcome oasis.  In the summer months, we sometimes had stretches of a week or more of sun, and during those weeks, I barely noticed or appreciated it the way I do now.  Is this perhaps a lesson that has an application beyond just the weather? 

Don't wish the winter away...  I seem to hear God whispering to me.  Don't spend so much time wishing for things to be different that you miss the lessons I'm trying to teach you in this season.  Just stay here for a while...be still...listen...and wait...

There is much to be learned, even appreciated in this Winter season.  It brings a new depth to my perspective on the things around me, things I often take for granted.  It teaches me to rely less on my own strength and more on God.  Though I'm often already counting down the days till Spring as soon as winter begins, I'm trying not to do that as much this year.  I'm trying to look for the brief moments of sunshine on otherwise cloudy days.  I'm surrendering up my constant desire for change, and accepting that this season, however long it may last, is where I am supposed to be right now.

Teach me, God.  I'm listening....though some days I do a better job than others.  Perhaps, in these winter months, my eyes are being opened to see You more clearly than ever before...

The Tools for the Job...

 Derrick....I mean "SANTA"...got a good Black Friday deal on tools this year...  He decided to purchase each of the kids their own toolbox and lots of different tools to fill them.  We had resolved to buy our kids more practical and useful gifts this year, but initially I wasn't sure about the tools.  "Are you sure?  How will they feel about opening hammers and Alan wrenches, and pliers and drill bits on Christmas morning???"  Nevertheless, he bought the tools and dutifully wrapped them all individually and placed them under the tree.

Christmas morning dawned and the kids couldn't contain their excitement.  As they opened their gifts, I wondered how many they would remember in the years to come...except for those tools.  I knew they would be different.  Those tools will hopefully see them through many seasons and stages of life...hopefully help them with various repairs and projects.  The tools will last...

As I watched my Mom this Christmas, a single thought reverberated through my mind again and again. I saw her struggle to understand Christmas, why we were gathered, what a Christmas tree was, what a gift was and how to even open it.  The very preciousness of her being with us hit me harder than ever.  Will I remember anything I received for Christmas 2018, twenty years from now, or will I remember that I spent it with my Mom?  How will I continue to bear up under the pain of seeing her suffer like this?

Do you have the tools to get through life or is your focus on the fluff and glitter that quickly fades away?  As this year draws to a close, I reflect back on the many difficulties I have experienced, and I know...I KNOW...I never would have made it through without the right "tools."  The power of prayer, the promises of Scripture and the ever comforting presence of my God have sustained me...indeed have been the tools that enabled me to scratch, claw and struggle my way through.  The battle is hard-fought but I am not defeated...the struggle is real, but it has not consumed me.  I have the tools to make it to the finish line and that is my hope...that is what brings me peace and comfort during this storm.

Do you have the right tools? 

An Unexpected Ingredient...

 After the long days are through, I enjoy sitting down some evenings and watching a good baking competition show with my oldest daughter Reese.  It is amazing what some of the contestants are able to create with ingredients I often have in my own kitchen.  On one show we were recently watching, the contestants were about 3/4 of the way through a timed bake when the host came in with a tray in hand.  There was a twist...  Now they all were required to add lime to their already-in-progress creations.  This posed a challenge...the results could even be devastating. 

As the contestants presented their final dishes to the three judges, one of the criteria for successful completion of the challenge was that they could actually taste the lime which had to be incorporated at the last minute.  If they could not detect it, the contestant would lose points in their total score.

I can relate to those bakers, but on a different level, for in my life I've been presented with many "unexpected ingredients," if you will.  I've been moving along quite nicely, feeling satisfied with my progress, when suddenly I am faced with an unexpected trial that could threaten to derail me. 

This season of deepest pain I am currently walking through has, every day, the potential to ruin everything...if I let it. I must continue to keep my eyes heavenward, keep pressing onward, and  not let myself be discouraged by the detours and setbacks. 

I envision myself, someday, standing before the perfect Judge, Who will look back over my life.  He will be looking for those unexpected ingredients and specifically examine the way I handled them...He'll want them to be present, identifiable in my life story.  That will be a significant part of my testimony after all...how I dealt with the unexpected...

I love it when the contestants in the show are judged, and the judges specifically compliment them on the addition of that unexpected ingredient...claiming that it took their dish from ordinary to extraordinary. 

Lawson's combination of sour gummies, red hots, and M&M's on gingerbread cookies
may not have earned him a perfect score!

God, I continue to trust in Your perfect plan for me.  I accept both the good and the bad and will strive to do my best to take it all in stride.  I know that even the most difficult circumstances can lead to much beauty and good in the end...and so I press on. I long to hear those words someday, "Well done, good and faithful servant..." 



May you also have the courage to accept the "unexpected ingredients" of life...knowing that they do not have to define you, but can actually improve and refine you.

Wonders of His Love...

 I was at the Pediatrician's office for an early morning checkup yesterday.  Eva was the patient and she was none too happy about being there.  My first line of business was to fill out a form for the M CHAT test, a simple questionnaire that I had to check off yes or no answers.  It was slightly less simple because of the squirming and unhappy child on my lap, but I had no intention of letting her down...we are not picking up any MORE germs right before Christmas. 

About 3/4 of the way through the questionnaire, I came to a question that always makes me chuckle. It reads something like this:

"Do you sometimes wonder if your child is deaf?"

Surely, whoever wrote the questions for this test must have a sense of humor.  I always want to circle the "Yes" answer to this question.  I often wonder this...every day I wonder this...and not only in regards to my youngest child.  I wonder if all of my children suffer from selective deafness!!

"Did you do your Math yet???"   silence

"Did you clean your room?"   silence

"Did you put your laundry away yet?"   crickets chirping

"Would you like a cookie?"  "YES!!!!"

Driving around this time of year, I can't help but be filled with holiday spirit.  Everywhere I look there are signs of Christmas.  I pass by many nativity scenes placed in yards every single day.  And I start to wonder...does God sometimes feel like I did filling out that form yesterday?  Does He look at the world and say to Himself, "I sometimes wonder if my children are deaf."  He's practically shouting His love to us from the minute we wake in the morning to the minute we drift off to sleep at night.  The Heavens PROCLAIM the glory of God!  Every time I see the baby Jesus in someone's front yard this month, do I pass by without a second thought of the implications...the true meaning...the depth and intensity of this kind of love?

How much more could He do to show me that He loves me...and yet I so very often turn deaf ears on Him.  How could I not SEE...through the wonders of Creation?  How could I not hear...more in this season of Christmas than any other time?   How can I be silent, turn a deaf ear, when the angels are singing "wonders of His love"?  My eyes turn heavenward.  My ears tune out the sounds around me, clamoring for my attention, instead listening for His still, small voice.  "I love you....I love you....I love you." 

"I hear you, Lord...."  My voice trails off in wonder, in awe.  Let me not forget what He has done for me...

Fully Satisfied...

 Lawson and Derrick were engaged in an all-out pillow fight battle a few days ago.  Lawson had initiated the "battle"and Derrick, who was kneeling on the floor, deflected blow after blow from the laughing child.  "Hit harder, Dada!"  Derrick chuckled and continued to mostly deflect Lawson's swings, barely swinging back at him.  It struck me as I watched their exchange...the love of the father, looking after his son, not wishing to do him any harm.  Had he fought him at his full capacity, Lawson would not have stood a chance.  But a father would never do that to his child.


How often to I overestimate my capabilities?  How often do I try to take on God, laying out my expectations before Him as if we were on an even playing field?  How often do I forge ahead, even subconsciously, not allowing God to be a part of my interactions, my decision making, my day?  Life takes one big swing in my direction with no mercy, and I fall.

"This is more than you can handle..."  His voice echoes in my mind.  "Trust Me, and let Me help you.  Find your satisfaction in Me..."  

I've got this.  God and I make a great team...I'm strong...I can manage....but...no!

I've overestimated my abilities and vastly underestimated His.  I find no satisfaction in a life lived on my own and for myself.  It's when I stop and truly see my deficiencies, my weaknesses, my vulnerabilities and ask Him to enter in that I am content.  My act of surrender must occur each day. 

I know I will encounter things, perhaps even on a daily basis, that are more than I can handle.  But I can continue to have joy because I am in the presence of a MIGHTY God Who will walk alongside me.  When I behold Him, I am fully satisfied.

Psalm 17:15(AMPC)As for me, I will continue beholding Your face in righteousness (rightness, justice, and right standing with You); I shall be fully satisfied, when I awake [to find myself] beholding Your form [and having sweet communion with You].