I'm Still Right Here...

 She clings to me in desperation.  Her sweet little hands grab onto the shirt that I'm wearing.  But I can't hold her all day.  I have to put her down.  As soon as I do, she screams out in - fear. I can still be within sight and still she cries.  I'll often turn and say, "I'm still right here."  Of course I'd never just walk away and leave her.  I love her far too much!  How can I convince her of that and help her to trust me?

I have to admit, as frustrating as this is for me, in many ways I often do the same thing to God.  My neediness is ever more evident in times of testing.  "Where are you, God?  Don't leave me alone here in this.  Please help me, guide me, carry me through this."

Christmas may have come and gone, but God hasn't. Reflect on this for a moment or two. The holiday and all the eager anticipation is now just a memory, but Christ is still with us, still here every bit as much today as He was yesterday, and the day before...

If you're longing for one constant in this world, one thing you can really bank on, consider this - He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

"God assured us, “I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you,” 

we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help;

I’m fearless no matter what. 

Who or what can get to me?

There should be a consistency that runs through us all. For Jesus doesn’t change—yesterday, today, tomorrow, he’s always totally himself."   

(Hebrews 13:6,8 MSG)

Driving through the neighborhood today, everyone had their garbage cans out for collection.  Boxes, bags, wrapping paper - reminders of the past few days.  Old furniture and broken toys that had been replaced with new ones.  All part of an annual cycle of getting new things.  And next year...we'll all go through it again.  There will be new gifts to buy and give, and more of our no-longer-wanted stuff to throw away.  This world is so fragile and temporal.  We long for stability...consistency.  Our feet are always searching for stable ground.  Nothing in this world can satisfy the way Jesus can.  All our treasures of today will one day be sitting out by the curb.

When you long to feel secure - turn to Him, the only One Who can offer you everything you truly need.  He'll never walk away and leave us, He'll never stop loving us, and He'll never change.

"I'm still right here," I hear Him saying, and not just at Christmas time.  Each day when I awake, He is there...waiting...ready to help.

Born to be Our Friend...

As we sat around the dinner table the other night, the conversation turned to the fast approaching holidays.  The kids were so excited to know that Christmas was just a week away.  They started to talk about what gifts they might get this year, and I asked them, "What do you remember most about past Christmases?"  It was funny, how focused they had been on gifts but they could only remember one or two things they'd received as gifts in previous years.  Instead, they started to mention memories of going to the Christmas Eve service at church, cutting down our tree, decorating outside with lights, spending time with family, baking cookies together.  They remembered the relationships more than the gifts...

Each day now, I walk out to the mailbox and am greeted by a small stack of envelopes.  Oh the joy of these special correspondences, messages of love from friends near and far, many with beautiful photos of their families.  Christmas is a time to reflect on many things, relationships with family and friends being one of them.  We plan ahead for months, choosing thoughtful gifts to give to those we care about.  Sadly, the din of holiday music, the crinkle of wrapping paper, the holiday rush, the clamor of everyday busyness can often crowd out a relationship with One more important than any other. 

Remember....

That Holy Night...a night that seemed so ordinary at first.  A miraculous, supernatural birth.  A tiny infant, laid in the straw of an animal feed box.  The King of kings, humbling Himself to the extreme.  Why did He do all of this? 

The King of Kings lay thus in lowly manger

In all our trials born to be our friend

He was born to be our friend, just as the beautiful words from O Holy Night remind us.  He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother.  He is the friend that will never fail us.  What more precious gift could we ask for at Christmas time?  What would give us more reason to celebrate than this?  Before the creation of the World, He had a plan that included being a friend...to you and to me.  While we rush to decorate, bake, mail cards and buy gifts this month, let us not forget the most important Friend we have. 

The Tree

Well, it's better late than never, I guess!  We usually have our tree up and decorated weeks by now.  But we came back home today with a 9.5 foot beauty...only about 2 feet too tall to fit into our
family room!!

Looking back...and forward

Do you spend a lot of time looking back?

I read this question tonight in a study I am working through and it hit me...hard.   If so, how does it affect the way you live in the present?  It was referring to Lot's wife looking back at her hometown of Sodom as it was being destroyed, but the relevance to my own life was striking.  Then the final question...the bombshell... What does leaving the past behind mean for you right now?

How can I just walk away from it all?  Can I ever truly?  I don't believe God wants me to just forget the past but I also realize the implications of never letting go in a way that stifles my ability to live on and thrive.  Thundering waves may sweep over me, day in and day out, but God's love for me is evident still.  He does not abandon me in the night!

This weekend, I pulled out my old recipe box and made Christmas cookies that I'd made countless times with my mom as a child.  The reality hit me, that my own children would never have the chance to bake cookies with her as I'd done with my grandmother.  The pain of knowing that she'd never make a batch of cookies again was more poignant than ever.

I find myself all the time, asking my mom..."Do you remember..."  I long for moments of recollection....glimmers from the past that still stick with her.  At times she smiles and can remember...bits and pieces of my childhood that I realize more and more now was more wonderful, more live-filled than I ever could have appreciated then.

Another verse spoke to my heart today ...Psalm 90:14 (AMPC)
O satisfy us with Your mercy and loving-kindness in the morning [now, before we are older], that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.

God gives me a song in the night...and when I wake up in the morning, He is ready to meet me...to satisfy me with His mercy and love.  He longs for me to live out all of my days, rejoicing in Him.  Wishing for things that are no longer a part of my life can become destructive if I'm constantly living in the past.  I can't change the fact that my brother is no longer here.  I can't change the fact that my mother is slipping away from Alzheimer's.  Somehow, I must leave the pain of these things behind, so that I am not distracted from what I need to do today.

How am I embracing and living in the present?  What are my thoughts most taken up by...what is my focus?  Do I too often allow the weight of the world to overshadow the blessings that are staring me right in the face everyday?

Don't look back, in a way that threatens to drown out today.  Keep your eyes open to what is directly in front of you.  Recognize that in spite of whatever difficulties may surround you, there is still a reason to sing for joy and be glad.

Surprised by Love...

 A baby...innocent, pure, disarming, joyous, helpless, humble, and fragile.

The passage of another year, the marking of a major milestone, always gives reason for pause and reflection.  What were the highlights of this past year? What was accomplished, what changed, and what is different now?

Well, having a mobile 1-year-old is the biggest difference I can see in our house!  She's got big plans and is not afraid of anything.  She's got an agenda and a half and is determined to see it through.  That agenda, up until this past Monday, was to climb up the steps every single time she got the chance.  If ever I took my eyes off of her, she crawled over to those steps and was halfway up them before I realized she was even gone.  Time after time after time I pulled her off.  Only to have the whole drill repeated 10 minutes later.  I was never so thankful for a package to arrive than I was for that new baby gate to come on Monday.

I look at her sweet little face and the love just flows out of me for her.  Can't you see, my sweet baby, that this is not good for you?  You could get hurt so badly, I don't want that for you.  Oh, she'll still find plenty of ways to get hurt.  She's close to walking now, which means that she'll be testing all the limits, finding new nooks and crannies of the house to explore.

I think that, in spite of the way my children can drive me completely crazy sometimes, I am most surprised by the innate love I have for them.  But why should I be?  They are the most amazing blessings I ever could have imagined.  They are mine...and yet...they are not mine at all.  I've been entrusted with their upbringing and care, but someday they will go off on their own.  These times are precious and fleeting.  These years are a whirlwind of change, more change, and change again.  And in the midst of marking off their milestones, lauding their accomplishments, and providing guidance along the way, I've begun to realize that I'm changing too.

The love that the Father pours out on me is absolutely astounding to me.  I'm humbled because I see the shallow and imperfect ways that I love my children, compared to the lavish and unwavering ways God shows love to me.  I'm in awe of the ways He provides for me, giving me exactly what I need, when I need it most.  I'm in wonder that He'd humble Himself so much as to come to earth as a weak and helpless baby, all to make things right again.  He did so much for me, even when I didn't ask for it or want it.  He's always watching over me. 

He offers me the greatest gift anyone could ever offer...completely free...no strings attached.  Though I often doubt Him and His ways, balk at the safety gates He throws up in my path to keep me from harm, question His plans for me and for my family...He still loves me.

I was drowning and He rescued me.  I was going down a path of destruction and He showed me a better way.  He has used this stage of my life, the sacred vocation of parenting, to put a visual image in my mind...one of His own love for me.  When my heart wells up for my little ones, I'm ever more aware of His love for me.  His love, the intensity of it, often catches me off guard.  It surprises and delights me...I'm forever grateful...

First Birthday

 Well, I can't believe I'm even writing this...tomorrow morning my baby will be 1 year old.  What a whirlwind of a year it has been.  Evangeline has been both a challenge and a joy in our family.  She is crawling like a champ, standing up with support, clapping and waving bye-bye.  She says uh-oh, kitty, bye-bye, Dada and Mama quite clearly.

She hates to eat most of the time, hates to sleep and hates to be put down.  She doesn't like diaper changes either.  She loves music, veggie straws, her pacifier, climbing the steps (agh!) and the kitty (which could be either the dog or the cat).  She loves all of her brothers and sisters and playing with them.  She loves to eat tiny things (legos, beads, dice off the floor and drive me crazy).  She loves baths but hates to get her hair washed. 

Oh she certainly knows how to keep life interesting and we wouldn't be the same family without her.

Happy First Birthday to my sweet baby girl!!!