A dear family friend, our long-time pediatrician, tasked me with a little project about a month ago. As you can see, I've been quick to act on his request!! He suggested that I share some personal insight on what it means to be a happy family and how this is achieved. Perhaps my hesitancy in jumping right in to this project has been because I feel in many ways underqualified to take on such a topic. But here goes...
Happiness...is it something we should really strive for? Is it really the end goal as we navigate through this unpredictable journey of life? I guess you could say that in general we are a happy family. My kids get along for the most part. We have a mutually respectful marriage. But we are far from perfect. The last decade has been incredibly blessed and incredibly heartbreaking for us simultaneously...so how do we still find happiness, or more importantly, JOY, in our days?
I could here go in to a lot of details about how we parent our kids, what activities they participate in, how we spend our time...but again, I do not consider myself to be an expert. I'm learning every single day how to parent through the ages and stages and how to grow as a family, together.
I believe the key to finding joy is first and foremost, taking time to see the
wonder that is just outside your front door.
Watch the sun rise in the morning.
Listen to the wind, blowing through the leaves on the trees or birds twittering as they float through the skies.
Smell the scent of the flowers.
Feel the sun's warm rays on your skin and marvel at how small we are in the universe to be in such a delicate balance that it neither burns us up or drifts too far away to leave us in the cold. The farther you stray from this kind of wonder, the more jaded you become to the
purpose behind it all.
I try to instill some of this wonder in my kids as they grow up....try to get them out to see as much of God's great Creation as I am able. Try to point out the vast diversity, and creativity we see all around us every single day and how it all works together so harmoniously. Just the other night I was wrapping up a run at the park while my daughter finished her soccer practice. The sky, which had been overcast all evening, broke out into the most spectacular sunset of pink and orange and yellow hues. That brought me great joy. It was a reminder to me, of God's love for me, ever present, beyond comprehension, beauty than transcends the darkness.
So beyond this recognition of God and His care for us, we try to be very intentional about our time. We try to be sure we are making time to be together and making time to reflect on God. We work hard, together. We grow a huge garden, from seeds, and spend the summer reaping its harvest. We raise dozens of monarch butterflies and release them, each time in wonder, at the journey they must take to return to us next year. We fostered 9 kittens this summer. (and kept 2!) We go on hikes and bike rides and walks around the neighborhood. In the winter we go ice skating in the backyard and build giant snowmen together. But these things are the minutia...they bring fleeting moments of happiness...they are building blocks for something more lasting...
Recognizing that there is a force far greater than I, a God that has put all of this into motion and has a plan and a purpose for me, for my family, brings me joy. As I sat with my 1-year-old daughter the other day, marveling at how quickly she has grown, she gazed adoringly into my face repeating the word, "Mama, mama, mama,"...over and over again. My breath caught in my throat to think about the implications of this and how we are to have faith just like a little child (Mark 10:15) Do I still find time to gaze adoringly at my Father, to long for him the way my infant daughter wants nothing more than to be held by me? Do I cry out for Him and wait for Him to answer before scurrying off to my next chore or commitment?
If you want to be happy, strive for this, a simpler, quieter life. Give yourself time just to breath and think and reflect on all your blessings. Pray...and listen. Be thankful...grateful...and generous. Teach your kids to do the same. Look for needs around you...you will always find them, and then do something to help. The greatest commandment in the Bible is to love God with all your heart, soul and mind and the second greatest command is to love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30) The end goal has nothing to do with me and everything to do with others... and I'm trying to help my kids understand this as well.
I hope that someday my kids will look back on their childhood fondly. I hope they will see us as being a "happy family." But more importantly, I hope that they will take with them a lasting joy, a peace that passes all understanding, a purpose to go forth courageously with all that they have learned and share it with others. I pray that they might embrace a faith that is real and lasting and not dependent on their circumstances alone.
There is far more happiness to be found in being a servant than being served, in giving than in taking in more for yourself. There is infinite joy in understanding that God loves us, that He willingly died for our faults and sins, and that He offers us the gift of forgiveness and an eternity spent with Him, totally for free, if we only believe.
