Anxious thoughts...and Heavenly Peace

 His little brow was deeply furrowed with concern as his sister screamed out in distress.  He came over and compassionately gave her the biggest hug his little arms could give, patting her back with one hand.  "OK, Si-ne-neh," he told her.  I love watching a two year old offer comfort to his older sibling.  She was hurting...he offered calm and reassuring comfort...isn't that a perfect reminder of what God does for us?

The Christmas Season is now upon us, and everywhere we turn, we are constantly reminded of of the things we should be doing, baking, buying, the cards we should be mailing...all the things we need to do to be happy.  It's certainly enough to induce a full-blown panic attack, even in the most calm and well-organized person.

Anxious thoughts paralyze us from experiencing the true joy that we were meant to... Anxious thoughts trap us in a downward spiral of worry, fear and doubt...blinding us to anything happening around us that is good.  Anxious thoughts shift away our focus from what is truly important...

Worry can overtake us in the blink of an eye, even on our best days...and there are so many things we can worry about....finances, relationships, safety, health, even our own value and self-worth....  

But God offers us comfort in the midst of this worry...He PROMISES to be there for us, with us, alongside us in the day to day grind.  He lets us know...it is going to be OK... His sweet embrace came to us at this very time of year, in the form of a helpless baby, reminding us what Heavenly Peace truly looks like.

When my head hits the pillow at night, do I have a million thoughts still racing around or do I have peace?  The blissful sleep of a baby or young child is precious to observe.  No matter the events of the day, they are not tormented - they depend on someone else for everything but have no concept of fear or worry.  They have total trust in their caretaker - that should be what we strive for also.

Where do you put your hope and trust?  When we truly put our trust in God, we need not worry or fear.  Cast all of your cares on Him...and just wait to see what happens.  Why waste another minute in worry...give your burdens over to the one who cares for even the tiniest sparrow.  Accept the gift of peace that He offers us, in the midst of this very busy time of year.  And may you sense, more and more, the indescribable blessing of His Heavenly Peace.

The Green Ribbon...

There is a time for everything...a season for everything under the sun...

I glanced out the window with great dismay as Sienna marched into the room.  Yes, there was still snow on the ground and a blustery wind blowing.  She assuredly put on her sandals and said, "I'm ready."  "Oh, Sienna...you can't wear that today.  It's freezing cold out!"  She looked down at her pretty pink leotard, but was not ready to concede this fight.  After much coaxing, coercing and threats of losing dessert for a day/week/the rest of her life, I got her to put some pants and a jacket on.  We made our way out to the car...at this point I'd managed to get her to move a whole 15 feet in the right direction in the last 15 minutes.  But it couldn't be that easy.  "I don't want to ride in that car seat!!!!"  Oh for goodness sake, is this really something worth fighting over???  There is a time to laugh and a time to cry...and right about now I feel more like crying!  Isn't the motivation of a fun gymnastics class enough to motivate her?

"But today is the day you will get your ribbon at the end of class, Sienna."

Pause...she thinks this over...

"But I wanted a pink ribbon, not a green one.  I don't want that ribbon!"  (She had found out ahead of time the color of this session's ribbon since Reese already received hers last week.)  "You don't want your special ribbon?"  I asked her incredulously.  "Won't you be sad if you don't get your ribbon?"  With not a second of hesitation, she shot back, "No.  It's not pink!"

Give thanks in ALL circumstances...

How often do we stubbornly stick up our noses at the very things we ought to be thankful for?  How often do we whine and complain and take for granted some of the greatest blessings in our lives?  As millions celebrate Thanksgiving tomorrow and reflect on the things we are thankful for, I'm reminded that there are always...ALWAYS things in my life, many things, to be thankful for. How often do I sound just like my four-year-old in my own reactions to things that happen in my life?  How often am I stubbornly insisting on my way, even when everything points me in another direction?

From my limited, human perspective it is very easy to look at a situation and ask, "Why God?"  "This isn't the way things are supposed to be."  "Can't you fix this/change that/heal this person/make this situation right again?"  I didn't sign up for the "green ribbon"...I don't want it!!

Sienna did end up accepting her ribbon prize at the end of her class.  She stood up, holding it proudly over her head with a big smile on her face.  May we all take a few minutes to dwell on the blessings in our lives.  May we accept, with grace and dignity, the challenges we face.  In whatever season of life you find yourself today, God is there.  In whatever trial or test or deviation from "the plan" you can rest assured that He has a master plan, so much greater than we could ever imagine.

Fairness and Faith...

 It took great grit and determination, (and several changes of gloves) on this wet, blustery morning, to roll and smash together a small snowman.  It was not the best snowman they ever made, nor the prettiest, but the effort that went into building it made it all the more special, and made the achievement all the more noteworthy. It took much time and enduring the cold...but the result was well worth it. They were undeterred by the sheer lack of snow...they could have given up, but they didn't.  They had faith that their efforts would be rewarded with success...and they were...

God does not dole out blessings in equal measure...we go through seasons where life is hard, and seasons where things seem to go our way.  While some are basking in financial security and wealth, others are barely scraping by.  While some are blessed with great health, others are constantly battling illnesses.  While some seem to avoid tragedy and difficulty, others are immersed in it on a nearly constant basis.  It may seem as though the pressures bear down relentlessly...and it can be tempting to feel that life is not fair...

Some may think that having a belief in God somehow entitles us to an easier life...that the minute we decide to follow Him, our road will become less bumpy, our relationships will become less complicated, our worries will fade away...  We boldly come before God with expectations of what He can and should do for us...and He ever-so-gently reminds us, with His ever-present Grace, that He ultimately knows what is best....what is fair...what we truly need.

This morning as we drove to church, I was reminded of George Muller...a man who demonstrated his faith very publicly and was forced to do so again and again.  While he should have been receiving bountiful blessings for his steadfast work with orphans, he was constantly in a position of relying solely on God's provision for their most basic needs.  When they literally had nothing to eat or drink, he prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving, with all the children seated at the table...and the food and milk showed up...  He could have given up hope...so very many times, but he did not lose faith.  He could have become bitter that God continued to test his faith over and over again, but he didn't.

He recognized something that many of us fail to about faith...that it is meant to be tested...

Perhaps this is the key...in order for His work to be accomplished, God needs us to be not confidently striding through life, but down on our knees in a posture of prayer.

Persevere...Do not despair...be anxious for nothing..

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  

James 1:2-4

Willful Obedience...

 I was finishing up the kids' bath the other night and Lawson was the first one finished.  He sneaked out the door and downstairs as soon as he was dressed, while I finished getting the girls out and dressed.  I went down to find him, and as I turned the corner into the dimly lit kitchen, I could hear rustling in the pantry.  He peeked his head out as I came near, and grinned a big grin, revealing chocolate-stained teeth.
"What are you doing?" I asked him.  He answered with just one word.  "Candy!"

Give a two-year-old even a small measure of freedom and you quickly realize he will often choose the wrong path!  You hear the phrase willful disobedience pretty frequently...but this week I've been thinking of something infinitely more important in the Christian walk...

Willful Obedience

Disobedience, to me, hardly seems willful...in truth, it seems as though it's like second nature to disobey, even from a very early age. What parent has ever had to teach a child how to disobey?  You can all pause to laugh now!!  As all of my kids sat in the family room arguing and carrying on this morning, I urged them to make peace and work it out.  But the fighting only intensified after my entreaties... I was pushed to the limit..."Does anyone ever listen to me??"  I shouted at them.  How can I, do I, teach them to obey...and describe for them the peace that will descend over our family when they do?

Disobeying is easy...natural...human nature.  It happens, so often, with very little thought at all.  What is not so easy is the act of obedience.  We may know what is right ...but do we choose to do it?  Do we frequently cave to urges that we know will take us down the wrong path, or do we consciously, willingly choose to obey?  As I was reflecting on this...I began to do a mental inventory of the blessings that come when we do obey....of how disobedience sows discord and anger and bitterness and frustration in relationships (whether with God or our fellow man), while obedience sows joy, peace, kindness to others and satisfaction.

While I had a few precious moments alone yesterday, this thought struck me powerfully...how do I make God feel when I repeatedly disobey Him and His commands?  In that moment of total frustration when I cried out to my kids...I felt hurt, ignored, unappreciated, unloved, unheard...  It was sobering to think that I do the very same thing to God...All The Time.

He gives us rules for a reason...not to restrict us, but to free us from our own

 tendencies of making terrible choices.

Choosing the path of obedience is a life-long lesson, of trusting in His guidance and His plans for our lives, knowing that He will not lead us astray.  

Legacy of Love

It's easy to pass through life, never acknowledging the people who mean the most to us, do the most for us, have shaped our lives in the most positive ways.  Today, as we celebrate my Mom's birthday, I want to acknowledge and honor a woman who has done so much, for so many people over the span of her life.

As I thought about my mom this past weekend, there was one quality that stuck out to me more than any other: Unconditional Love.  My mom's steadfast, unwavering love for her family has been like a beacon of hope in a difficult and hard world.  Being a parent now myself, I've grown to appreciate more and more all that my mom did for me and what a blessed childhood I truly had.

At an early age, my mom instilled in me a strong work ethic, teaching me not just to do things but to do them well.  She also taught me the value of perseverance.  These qualities have served me well, whether during the years when I was still working, or now as a parent.  Perseverance in particular has been a crucial element of my day to day world...in handling the challenges of 4 children, in maintaining a healthy marriage, and in handling with strength and determination, the trials and challenges that I have faced.

My mom is also courageous.  I'm not sure if I will ever have the grace and poise to handle so much grief and heartache at once as she does. I never imagined my family could suffer a more difficult blow than losing my brother last year.  But this was followed just weeks later by the realization that my mom was in a struggle of her own.  She has courageously been fighting the difficult and discouraging fight against Alzheimer's.  Despite my deepest prayers and pleas for her healing, there has been a slow but steady chipping away at the Mom I once knew.  I never imagined going through this stage of my life without her....never thought this was even a possibility.  But when it is tempting to sink into despair...or to cry out at the unfairness of it all...I still look to her example, of calm acceptance, of trying to make the most of each day that we still have together, and of a quiet faith, that says "Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done..."

While my mom is the one who now needs more help with things she was, just last year, able to do on her own, the first words she speaks every time she enters my home are, "What can I do to help you?"    While many would be drowning in discontent, in bitterness, and in hopelessness, my mom forges ahead, still trying to find the positive in each new day.

Her faith and her faithfulness to her family have set a strong example for me to follow in my own role as a parent.  Her resolve to make the most of an incredibly difficult situation is inspiring and convicting at the same time.  I am blessed beyond measure to have the Mom that I do.

Heartbreak and Broken-Hearted

 I imagine myself, anxious and afraid, sitting with my feet dangling on the edge of an examination table.  I look with expectation toward the physician who is typing some notes on his laptop, brow furrowed in concentration, waiting for his diagnosis.  He turns to me, and without hesitation, he says, "You have a heart condition."

I sag a little under the weight of this news...but the reality is, it doesn't come as a complete shock to me.  I've known it for quite some time....you see, I was born with it.

"What can I do?" I ask him.  He looks at me with compassion and kindness in his eyes and says, "Realization and acceptance are the first steps to healing."

The heart condition I'm referring to here isn't something unique to me...no it's a condition that afflicts every one of us...it's a life-long, ever-present disease that eats away at our joy, our peace, our ability to live and exist in this world and truly enjoy it in the ways we were intended to.

You see, the heart is a tricky little organ.  It does so much more
than pump the life-sustaining blood through our bodies from a few weeks in-utero until the day we die.  Our hearts were created with a deep need...a longing to be filled...and with the capability of controlling our every desire and emotion and encounter as we walk through this long journey of life.

In my own life, I've discovered that it takes a very great heart break to realize or be reminded that  I have a broken heart.  

It takes a situation that plunges me far beyond my capacity to hope to help me recognize the true condition of my flawed, human heart.  I can only hide behind the guise of self-sufficiency for so long.  Eventually I will, and do, encounter a situation that is simply too intense for me to withstand on my own strength.  And in those moments of despair...that is when the true test begins, that is when my innermost beliefs and tendencies are revealed for all to see.

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.  Matthew 6:21

Had I not sought after the Lord, over and over again, my heart would have given up or given out by now.  I would have succumbed to the often tempting "solutions" of self-pity, or self-medication through food or material possessions...I would have fallen prey to total despair or great bitterness.  But He gives Grace to me...So Much Grace.  

He brings a kind of pure and effervescent joy to my world that is often dim, dark and desperate.

He takes away my heart of stone and gives me a heart of flesh again.  (Ezekiel 36:26)

By the grace of God, and that alone, I've been able to overcome the faltering, diseased condition of my heart.  He's given me a heart that is full and vital.  I cringe to think of what my life might look like today, had I not chosen to allow the Great Physician to heal my heart.  It is with total assurance that I can say, His Grace is Sufficient...and when I am weak, then I am strong.

The day that changed everything...

 November 10th...a special day in our family as we celebrate the birthday of our oldest son.  My dear, dear Carter is already 9 years old and I can hardly believe how the years have just flown by.  Thinking back to those first days and months as a new parent, all the things I didn't know...how very dramatic a change it was to go from a working woman to a stay at home mom....  it's crazy to reflect on how many things have changed.




 



I marvel now at the ways that parenting has changed me.  In a single day, I went from living my life pretty much exactly the way I wanted to do things, to being at the beck and call of a screaming infant.  Every second of my day (and night!) was devoted to his care and protection.  And I never, ever realized how needy a baby could be.







I've watched Carter grow from that first child to the older brother...times 3 (and soon 4!!).  I am so blessed and awed at this opportunity I've been granted, to have and raise these children.  The awesome task of teaching them all that they need to know stops me in my tracks sometimes.  It gives me a deeper appreciation for my own parents and all that they did and sacrificed for me.  It has both stretched and strengthened my marriage.  It has caused me to completely reevaluate my priorities and the things that are really important in this life.  It has given me a whole new perspective on my relationship with God...He as my Father and I as His child ...and the kind of love this implies.

Fools Rush In...

It happens Every. Single. Year...and it drives me crazy.  I know you are going to laugh out loud when I tell you this...but I will share anyway.  My kids LOVE raking leaves...they are obsessed with watching the trees for any signs of change and are so eager to start raking the second even a few stray leaves start to fall.  Now we have pretty small trees in our yard so I fully expect when the trees grow larger and the kids are older, they will completely hate raking leaves.

Our trees, for whatever reason, are some of the last in the neighborhood to change and lose their leaves.  I always tell Carter that they hang on for his birthday every year.  I LOVE it when they finally change because the color is just spectacular...a brilliant, almost-iridescent red.  So, much to my dismay, year after year, Reese and Carter go out and try to knock as many leaves off of the trees right when they reach their peak color and beauty.  My neighbors must think it a crazy scene..them out there with rakes, pulling leaves down out of the trees...me, yelling and calling them back in...wishing to savor the beauty for as long as possible.  The temporary gratification of having a few more leaves to rake just isn't worth missing out on an extra day or two of that kind of beauty.  All too soon, they will all fall, and I'll be left staring at bare branches for many months to come...so don't mess with my leaves kids, you hear me!!??

This morning the kids and I were grocery shopping.  Reese and Carter are obsessed with the free sample machine in the store and were very excited to see that it was a Chex Mix freebie today.  I was somewhat paying attention as they grabbed the sample and eagerly ripped it open.  I stopped in surprise to see Reese, a couple seconds later, making this ridiculous face and gagging.  Carter  too, was making a face.  It wasn't Chex Mix but Chex Mix Seasoning, in the packet.  And even after opening the bag and only seeing powder inside instead of the little tasty crackers, they still wet their fingers and dipped them right in and ate it.  Oh my!  That was a good laugh...

This afternoon I ran into a store with the kids to grab a few items.  As we were leaving, I gave each of the kids a dollar to give to the man who was collecting money for Salvation Army.  Sienna however, was captivated by all of the candy machines we passed as we walked out, and made a beeline for them.  She took her dollar and folded it all up and tried to shove it into the slot for the coin in the machine.  I convinced her to give it to the man instead but as we walked out to the car, all she could say was, "Candy, I want Candy!!"  This is just one week after they got literally pounds and pounds of candy trick-or-treating!!

So often we are so eager to get something we really really want, we lack the self-control or patience just to wait.  We rush into situations only to regret later that we didn't approach them with more care and caution.  We say or do things all based on the emotion of that moment, rather than thinking the situation through...and just waiting.

I'm trying to teach my kids to be patient...and realizing this is one of the hardest lessons to teach.  I'm trying to help them through the frenzy of life, not to get caught up in things so much that they miss out on something even better.

Battles...

When I discovered him in the shed, he was nearly beside himself.  He was tugging and pulling and near tears...trying with all his might to free the little bike he so badly wanted to ride on.  But no matter how hard he pulled, he simply couldn't free it...it was too heavy for him to move.  I looked on him with compassion and quickly came to the rescue, freeing the bike and carrying it up so he could ride on it.

My children give me so many opportunities, almost daily, to visualize my own struggles in this life and the way my Heavenly Father watches over and intervenes on my behalf so often.

I may have all the best intentions, think I have the physical strength to overcome great difficulties, but at times we all face a trial, a conflict, an illness, a struggle that is simply too great for us to handle on our own.  The weight of the world presses down on me so heavily, I feel it's crushing presence...but am powerless to respond.  Just today, I was feeling this very pressure...this discouragement...this oppressive, immovable force.  And in a moment of prayer, of crying out to God for help, I felt the weight lift.  I imagined Him, taking hold of this burden that sat on my shoulders like an enormous, heavy coat, and just lift it right off of me.  He firmed my feet, He enabled me to walk again, even in the midst of the pain.

No struggle is too great...no problem beyond His control...when He is fighting our battles for us, we can have peace... we can have confidence...we can have HOPE.

Patience is a virtue...

Our mega-sized late-blooming dahlia!!

Sienna...my "difficult" child...oh how you test me and make me smile, all at the same time.

At lunchtime yesterday I was feeling a bit like a waiter at a snooty restaurant.  My picky "guest" was in a mood and demanding the same as her brother, a ham and cheese quesadilla.  As soon as it was on her plate and she took a bite, she exclaimed, "I don't want this quesadilla...I don't like this ham!"  So I, through somewhat clenched teeth asked if she would like one with plain cheese.  "Yes!"  But after making her a second one, she still would not eat it.  Guess I'm having quesadilla for lunch...

I realized yesterday that Sienna...yes 4 Year Old Sienna...has a serious case of road rage!!  I'm not kidding.  She was in the car with me, driving Reese to gymnastics and there was a lot of traffic.  Almost as soon as she saw the approaching line of cars, she began to sigh.   "Why is there so much traffic?  I hate sitting in traffic.  Why is that car stopped in front of us?  Can't you just run over him?"  Well, maybe if I was driving a monster truck I could have, but I'm guessing my 14 year old Honda wouldn't fare too well in that scenario.  "No, Sienna, we just need to be patient and wait."  "I hate waiting!!!"

After dropping Reese off, we drove over to return some sneakers to Dick's Sporting Goods.  Upon entering we saw a long line of people waiting in line at the checkout.  Sienna did not miss this and immediately said, "I hate waiting in line.  Look at all these people!"  Honestly, I'm not sure what her big hurry was...I guess she had places to go and people to see yesterday??

We survived that ordeal and our next stop was Trader Joes, where, much to her delight, they were already selling chocolate advent calendars.  I bought a few for the kids and we loaded our groceries into the car.  From the backseat I heard that sweet little voice again, "Can I open my chocolate calendar now?"
Sigh....."No Sienna, not until December.  That is a few weeks away still."
"But I want to open it right now!!!"

We picked Reese up from gymnastics and were driving home and I had to stop at a red light.  In piped that little voice from the backseat once more..."Why are we stopped?  Why isn't that car in front of us moving???"
"Well the light is red, Sienna."
"But why doesn't he just go????"
"He can't Sienna, that would be against the law."
"But WHYYYYYY!?!?!"

It's a good thing all my kids aren't this demanding or I might lose my mind.  This week in fact, Carter has been my big helper in the morning, bringing Lawson downstairs when he woke up early two different days, cooking him eggs and giving him fruit and a drink, then taking him back up to brush his teeth.  I guess there's hope...