I Have All That I Need...

The Lord is my Shepherd....what does that mean for me today?

Psalm 23 is a passage that is as familiar to me as peanut butter and jelly, but what does this passage truly mean in the context of my life, in the present day?

Dictonary.com defines Shepherd in the following ways:

- a person who herds, tends, and guards sheep.
- a person who protects, guides, or watches over a person or group of people.

I am tended, guarded, protected, guided and watched over.  

As I stop to ponder over these things, it is a balm to my heart.  The ache I feel is ponderous...overwhelming at times...

 

I have all that I need...

How can this be, God?  How can I echo these sentiments when at times it feels like everything I want and need is slipping through my fingers right before my eyes.

Even in the darkest valley, I will not be afraid...

The darkest valley, I feel like I have been there frequently in the last 7 years.  Sometimes it feels like it has become the new normal.  But NO!  I will not dwell in fear, in regret, in guilt, in sorrow, in the past.  I will not allow myself to wallow in self-pity because when I take even a few seconds to look around me, all I can see are blessings, blessings and more blessings.  My cup literally overflows with all the blessings.

His goodness and unfailing love pursue me...

To be pursued by the Almighty God...how could I ever, ever be deserving of this kind of treatment.  What have I ever done to make me worthy of His love?  And yet, He pursues, even when I fail to recognize and acknowledge it.

Thank you, dear God, for reminding me that You are all that I need...today and every day.  No matter how difficult things get...

Psalm 23

  The Lord is my shepherd;

I have all that I need.

  He lets me rest in green meadows;

he leads me beside peaceful streams.

  He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

bringing honor to his name.

  Even when I walk

through the darkest valley,

  I will not be afraid,

for you are close beside me.

  Your rod and your staff

protect and comfort me.

   You prepare a feast for me

in the presence of my enemies.

  You honor me by anointing my head with oil.

My cup overflows with blessings.

  Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me

all the days of my life,

  and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Moments and Milestones

1 Cesarean and 5 VBACs...the method of delivery and all the details that once seemed so critically important...now all the memories blend together in a blur.  What I remember most in all those childbirths is the first time I held each one of them.  Those first miraculous moments of life...  First time parent concerns of healthy homemade baby food, carefully documenting every milestone, photographing every new age and stage and recording in a perfectly organized scrapbook have given way to a much more chaotic, hardly organized progression of burping to laughing to sitting to crawling....  Now simultaneously parenting an infant and a teenager is enough to make one's head spin.

How did we get here?  How did a couple of kids who got married 17 years ago and wanted a couple of kids end up with 6 kids, a dog and a bunny?

Today on Mother's Day, I spent some time reminiscing about the past 13+ years of being a parent.  And all I could think about what how incredibly THANKFUL I am for the way my children have blessed me, have helped me to become a more humble and patient and self-sacrificing person than I ever could have been on my own.  They taught me...as much as I'd like to think it is the other way around.  Oh, of course I taught them many things as well...but it was a mutual give and take...a shared education in how to live and love and exist in a space with others harmoniously.  

As important as the milestones and the details once were, I now focus on the moments.  I revel in the afternoons lying on our backs on the trampoline gazing up at the clouds, at the tiny bouquets of weeds Eva picks for me or the gummy grins Tessa gives me, or the bear hugs I still get from Lawson every morning.  I revel in the way the older kids dote on their baby sister, how Eva makes her own homemade "cards" for different members of the family every day.

I am learning more with each passing month to cherish the moments.  These years are passing by all too quickly, and will soon be but a memory.  But I know God is using these moments to teach me, to shape me into the person He wants me to be, just as my children are growing and developing into the people He wants them to be.  Many people thank their mothers on Mother's Day...but I am thanking my children, and God, for giving me the chance to be a mother.