The messes...and the miracles...

Baked beans and mashed potatoes...yummmm

Sometimes, we need messes.

Now let me explain that statement.  I live in a constant state of chaos in this house.  No matter how many hours I pour into it, it's never really "clean".  Try as I may to keep things in order, 5 kids can easily trash the place in a matter of minutes.  Their clothes are messy from mealtime, playing outside, art projects gone awry.  Eva followed me around while I tried to pick up each room tonight and pulled out shoes, books and papers right after I had just picked things up.  After I cleaned the floors, she got out the older kids muddy shoes and banged them all over the floor leaving mud and sand everywhere.

I've gone from a neat freak who vacuumed my house every day and had every room neat and orderly before I went to bed at night to the kind of person who just stuffs thing behind closed doors or underneath beds and waits till later to put it away.  The truth is, I had to...I couldn't keep up.  (Unless I completely gave up sleep, but that's just not happening!)

I sighed when Carter wore a new fleece sweatshirt he just got for Christmas outside to play in the muddy yard with his friends last night...splattering the entire thing in mud.

I urged Sienna not to wear her new pants today, which are too long and meant for the fall...but she wore them anyway, getting the cuffs all beat up.

I grimaced the other night when Eva decided to "wear" her dinner on a non-bath night.

I didn't know what to do when we were leaving the house to go out to eat and Lawson had no shoes to wear.  His were wet and muddy from playing outside all afternoon.  So he wore soccer cleats...out to a restaurant...why not??

I got a gaping hole ripped in my knee the other day when trying to run with the dog.  She yanked hard on her leash, and while I unsuccessfully tried to tug her back on course I managed to trip on a pipe protruding from the ground and fell flat on my face.

Neat and tidy just aren't a part of my world anymore.  And I'm OK with that.  In the midst of all the madness, I'm reminded daily of why I do all of this.  I'm reminded when one of my dear ones cuddles up on my lap with a book that the way my house looks isn't going to be something I remember 40 years from now.  It's not about the messes...

I'm reminded that the aches and pains I suffer, the inconveniences and detours I encounter along the way can either shut me down, or shape me into a better person. 

I need these messes...to humble me, to grow me, to point me to an Almighty God who is at the ready to help me with all my problems, big and small.  He meets me right smack in the middle of my stickiest, messiest moments without hesitation.  He embraces my imperfection with grace and love and mercy.  He doesn't judge me for my inability to "be perfect."  This kind of grace calms my heart, brings me back to square one, reminds me of the kind of grace I need to be showing my own kids, every single day.

They aren't going to be perfect.  They aren't going to suddenly fall in line with all my expectations and aspirations for them. They're going to keep making messes.  And I'll love them all the same.

I need messes to remind me of my own desperate need for God. 

Goodbye dear friend...

 A life well lived...

I hope when I get to the end of this long road, I can look back on my own life and feel that it was well-lived.  Today, I am deeply saddened to lose a very very dear friend, someone who brought me such joy and unexpected friendship over the past four years.  I was not surprised, but so sorrowful to hear that dear Miss Sally passed away today at the astonishing age of 103 years old. 

I befriended Miss Sally back in the fall of 2014 when I attended Community Bible Study with her.  From the very first time I met her, she made a big impression on me.  She was sharp-witted and funny.  She was a wealth of information and always had a good story to tell.  But the most memorable and truly inspirational thing about Sally was her strong faith in God. 

I never thought I'd strike up a friendship with someone so much older than me, but she was absolutely that...a friend.  She encouraged me and prayed for me and cared so much about me and all of the kids. 

She would always tell us that her door was always open for us to come and visit her anytime.  And those visits, though never as frequent as I would have liked, were precious times.  The kids absolutely adored her. When I told them the news today of her passing, I could see Carter's eyes tear up for a minute.  The loved her because she loved them so much.  They loved her because she took such an interest in them and would speak to each one of them in turn.  She knew how to make someone feel truly special.

Sally was eagerly anticipating the publication of my book.  There is a chapter in it about her.  I'm so terribly disappointed that she missed seeing it come to completion but I was able to share with her, "her" chapter a couple of months ago and I know that it brought her great joy.

I will never forget Sally, or the few years that I considered her one of my dear friends.  She touched my life and my heart at a time I desperately needed friends.  She brought light and love and strength to my days when I was traversing some very difficult ground.  I miss Sally terribly already.  Never take for granted the people in your life whom you love...never miss out on opportunities to tell them what they mean to you.  Life is so fragile and precious and death is always a striking reminder of that truth.  But Sally has passed on to a blessed and much anticipated glory now.  I am relieved, for her sake, that she is no longer in pain, no longer suffering from the aches and ailments of 103 years of aging.  Sally is singing with the angels in heaven today.

Goodbye my dear friend.  I will always miss you.  Thank you for opening your heart up to me and for being such a wonderful and loving friend.

In ALL These Things

What does a conqueror look like?  I've spent the last two weeks watching many Olympic athletes crossing over finish lines, completing difficult jumps, and defeating fierce opponents. I see in their faces a kind of grit and determination that is admirable and exceptional.  They know how to overcome disappointment and adversity.  They do not give up.
When I wake up each morning and look in the mirror - is the face of a conqueror looking back at me?  Or am I allowing life to beat me up, steal my joy, and redirect my focus?  Do I truly believe in God's promises for me?

Romans 8:35-39 says,

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 


No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

In ALL these things, in my disappointments, my losses, my grief and pain, do I consider myself a conqueror?  Do I see myself as a victor, even when I feel defeated on every front?

Another verse that spoke to my heart in the past week as I pondered these things was, Psalm 63:5-8(AMPC) 

My mouth shall praise You with joyful lips when I remember You upon my bed and meditate on You in the night watches. For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings will I rejoice. My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You; Your right hand upholds me.

Hold on to God.

Remember Him when the night is very dark and your hope is fading.

Praise Him, even when it may seem like there isn't anything to be thankful for.

Follow hard after Him...cling to Him.  Lean into the One who will fight your battles for you, Who will enable you to be a conqueror...in ALL things.

My Book....coming soon!

BIG NEWS!!!

My book, "Standing at the Edge of Greatness" is going to be published in April 2018. I am thrilled to be accomplishing a life-long dream of writing a book. I'll be offering a pre-sale discount for anyone interested.

Moments of Clarity...

 Moments...I have learned amidst the chaos of clatter of my days to relish the moments.  Life passes by all too quickly.  The days begin and end in what seems like a blur. 

"The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises." Ecclesiastes 1:5 (ESV)

Day by day...moment by moment...I begin to sense that there is something so much deeper I should be focusing on than just myself, my personal gain, my acquisitions, my desires.  There is a beautiful story unfolding in my life.  In spite of the difficulties I face, I can gradually see that story taking shape.


"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11


"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things."  Ecclesiastes 11:5 (NIV)

A friend of mine has often reminded me over the past few months of a very fundamental principle of the faith.  She often tells me that in my moments of struggle, there is but one thing I can and should do: Surrender.



Though the dreams I once dreamed have changed so much.
Though my personal losses have altered every aspect of my life...yet I have hope.

"Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter.  Fear God and keep His commandments.  This is the whole duty of man."  Ecclesiastes 12:13

I must start and end with God.  So many things in between I can not and will not understand.  I don't understand how I can be losing a little more of my mom with each passing day, and so I cherish the moments I have with her right now.  They may not be what I had envisioned, they may be fleeting, but I grab hold of them all the same.

God give me the clarity to see you amidst all of life's distractions.  Help me not to focus on things outside my control.  Grant me the strength to surrender these things over to You, to trust You, and to keep Your commandments.