Freedom

 A simple prayer at a church picnic on Monday caused me to think about Freedom in a whole new way.  It was Memorial Day and we'd been to a parade that morning and spent the day visiting with friends.  The man praying over our meal made a comparison that I had never considered before.

We celebrate our freedom on Memorial Day and honor and recognize the men and women who sacrificed their lives to protect and preserve the freedoms we cherish most.  But what he shared next struck me even more.  Christ came to this earth and died for us...to set us Free...free from death and destruction.  Free from the sin that binds us and takes away all of our joy, our hope, our ability to connect with God.  The freedom we experience in America is significant to be sure, but this kind of freedom far exceeds it.  Christ made the ultimate sacrifice, giving up His very life for all of humanity....in order to set us free.

We have a precious Freedom in Him.  I will never celebrate another Memorial Day again without remembering this powerful parallel. He brought me from death to life, from sin to salvation.  I have much, so very much, to be thankful for....

Winged Wonders

We had another fabulous day of bird banding today.  It was our 4th year and the birds did not disappoint.  The kids had such a wonderful time catching a total of 33 birds right in our backyard.  We are so blessed to be a part of the Neighborhood Nestwatch program and to get to see all these amazing creatures up close each year!!

Lawson & Bluejay

The Old Oak Tree...

There was once an old tree, standing near the entrance of my college campus.  I loved that old oak tree.  It seemed to soar up into the sky...so firm and tall and graceful.  There was something very solemn and powerful about that tree and often when I was returning from a run or a long bike ride, I made a point of stopping to rest under it, sitting down and leaning my back up against the trunk.  As I sat there, I would often pray or meditate on the Lord.  It seemed the kind of place where you could not help but talk with God. 



I was reminded of that tree today.  It came to mind because it was a place I went to seek the comfort and guidance and wisdom of the Lord.  It was a place I reveled in God's blessings and also a place that I shed many a tear over the trials I faced during those years. 

I no longer have a tree where I sit to meditate...it seems I rarely have time to sit still these days.  But oh, how I have sensed the presence of the Lord, even in the midst of all the chaos and confusion that surrounds. 

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the worst day of my life.  I can't believe that three years have now passed since I lost my brother...it seems like the blink of an eye and an eternity all at the same time. 

The last time I visited campus, I went to look for "my tree," but it was no longer there.  It brought a sadness to my heart to see an empty patch of grass in it's place.  It reminded me, most poignantly once again, how fleeting our lives truly our.  What seems robust and strong and indestructible one day, can be gone the next.

The grass withers...the flowers fall...but the Word of the Lord stands forever. (Is. 40:8)  That is what I hope in...that is where I put my trust.  No thing and No One will be here forever...but God always shall be. 

I run to Him with arms outstretched, longing for the stability of that old tree trunk, but receiving so much more.   The Fountain of Life, the Good Shepherd, The Rock of Ages, my Firm Foundation,. 

Does He Hear Me?

Does He hear me?

Do my prayers ever reach His ears?  Sometimes it feels as if my prayers, my hopes of receiving an answer are futile. I watch my mom's steady, daily decline and feel helpless... hopeless.  I look at the calendar this week and realize it has been three years since I lost my brother.  Will any of this ever get any easier, God?  When will the heartbreak end? 

And then...in the still of the morning...one verse reminds me that indeed He hears.

Micah 7:7 (AMPC)

But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Does He hear me?  

Of course He does. His ways and His response and the answers I receive may not always line up to my expectations and wishes....But He does hear.  He gives me joy each day in being with my children and seeing their smiles.  He gives me beauty in my days, like a pair of gorgeous bluebirds who are nesting in my backyard.  Even the simplest things can sometimes bring such meaning and hope in a difficult day.

Psalm 73:26 

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Some days I may need to take it one moment, one breath at a time.  I cling on to those promises He gives me, those reminders that He is there with me and very much aware of my sufferings.

And I know, with every ounce of my being, that He hears...and He cares...

What Can I do But Praise God?

 The pain of this week, of all the memories of all that was lost to me, still grips me like an iron fist.  I wish I could will it all away, or wake up from it and be free of it like a bad dream.  But in spite of the painful memories and the lasting grief, What can I do but praise God?

He has sustained me!  He has helped me, one day, sometimes one faltering step at a time, to recover - to move forward - to press on.  He has shown me that even in my deepest pain there can still be exceeding joy.

Isaiah 43:3 

Then I will go to the alter of God, to God my exceeding joy; yes with the lyre I will praise You, O God, my God!

We had a wonderful time away last week, a time to share as a family and make new special memories together.  In the midst of that time, it was hard not to think back on all the memories I once shared with my mom, my brother, in that same house, on that same beach.  I wanted to cry out to God, again and again - "Why God?"  I wanted to question His purpose and His plan.  But He reminded me that He knows, and He cares, and His plan is beyond the scope of my understanding.  With this in mind, What can I do but praise God?

I have to keep hoping. 

Psalm 33:22

"Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, 

in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You."

I believe that He is at work, even in the messes.  I trust that these past three years, though they have been the most difficult years of my life, have also been the most formative, the most transformational - they have completely altered who I am and how I live my life - forever.

I look at my children, my husband, the friends in my life and I am blown away by the blessings God has poured into my life and the love that surrounds me.  I look toward the future.  Right now it is hard to see a silver lining, a brightening in the darkness, a new beginning.  I sense God's hand holding me upright, urging me forward. 

Isaiah 41:13 

"For I the Lord Your God hold your right hand;

I am the Lord, Who says to you, Fear not; I will help you!"

Help me, O God, in this week of remembrances, of the pain of loss - the week my family fell apart and the loss of my brother.  Help me to praise You even in my pain - to be succinctly aware of the blessings You pour out on me.  Help me not to forget all of the good things You have done in my life and to keep my hope, my attention, my heart focused first and foremost on You.

What can I do but praise God?  He has never left my side in all of this!

Outer Banks 2018

 We enjoyed (SURVIVED) another week at the beach and I must admit, I was glad to get home (in one piece) today.  As much as it was wonderful to get away, the exhaustion of being on vacation with 5 kids wore Derrick and I down to our last shred of strength and patience!  Not to mention Eva saw to it that we spent at least part of every night awake listening to her screaming. 

Nonetheless, getting away from the day to day routine and visiting a place filled with so many new and exciting things to see was so wonderful.  We saw everything from a green gecko, dolphins, a nickel sized-turtle, 2 water snakes, many geese and goslings, and even a butterfly on the beach!  The kids loved catching ghost crabs on the beach every day and found some awesome shells throughout the week.

I look back on this week and it reminds me of so many of my own wonderful memories of trips to the beach.  The beach always has been a place where I feel closer to God. The sheer power of the waves, the beauty of all the unique sea live, the beauty in the sunrises and sunsets...  reminders of the way God pours out His love for me in all the details...how He gives me this amazing world to live in.

 A friend of mine shared this verse with me the other day:

Psalm 139:17-18

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

    I awake, and I am still with you.

More than the sand...such an incredible thing to consider.  God's love for and care for me are so evident to me in His creation.  I am so appreciative of the chance to get away and enjoy it for a week and to see the way the kids react to all the new sights and sounds of the seashore.  My spirit is uplifted by the reminders I saw every day, in every detail, that God is indeed near.