Into a Broad Place...

Psalm 18: 18-19, 28-33

...but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.
 This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.

Once, many years ago, when I was still in high school, my older cousins invited me to take a special trip with them.  They were driving up to New York City for the day and asked if I'd like to go too.  Of course, I was thrilled for the opportunity, never having been there before.  I remember the drive up, the anticipation...the first time seeing the Statue of Liberty and the city skyline.  It was incredible!  I remember walking around the city all day...to the Empire State Building where we rode to the observation deck, and then to Times Square.  Standing in Times Square, I was completely overwhelmed by the enormity of it...it was sheer sensory overload.  I had never seen anything like it before.  

Just the other day this memory came back to mind...I was feeling exhausted after a week of starting back to homeschool with the kids.  My brain felt overloaded by the number of things on my to-do list and the number of hours I had left in the day....

Aren't all of our lives, somehow, consumed by busy-ness...all the time!?  And yet, how much of this is self-imposed.  Like Times Square, do we have the choice to stay, or to leave for a time and give our minds and our souls the rest they need so very much?

All summer long I tried and tried to capture a few photos of my resident hummingbirds.  But every time I'd grab my camera and go out to find them, they'd disappear.  Now my yard is rarely a beacon of solitude...there is almost always someone screaming or running around.  Watching the days drop off the calendar and knowing they would be departing soon for their winter in the South, I finally made some quiet time to go outside when all was quiet and just wait.  And soon after, I was rewarded.  

Doesn't God wait to bless us in just this way?  When we are consumed by busy-ness...always distracted by all the noise, the to-do list, our man-made idols...we can't catch a glimpse of Him. The picture of Him rescuing me, bringing me out to a broad open place, is absolutely beautiful.  He knows what I need before I even do.  He sets my feet on firm ground when I feel like I'm losing my footing.  He is SO GOOD.  

Dear God,

As we exit one season and enter another, I pray that You would help us to see You, through all of our distractions.  Help us to keep our focus on You, our priorities straight, our hearts longing after a close relationship with You.  Let us not miss out on the truly remarkable blessings right in front of us, because we are too busy to quiet our hearts before You.  Give us rest, renewal, refuge...be our ROCK.  I thank You God, for caring so much about us as we spin off in so many directions...and yet You keep reaching down and bringing us back.  Forgive us, keep us close to You in this new week ahead.  Amen.

The Paradox of a Colorful-Gray Day

Yesterday was a tad bit warmer here in Pittsburgh...not the typical February weather for sure.  So I offered to take the kids out on the driveway with their favorite summer activity, corn starch paint.  They were thrilled at the offer.  

Sitting there watching them paint, I was struck by the contrast of the vibrant colors of the paint while everything else around us is still dead and gray and dormant.  In the summer this contrast is much less apparent.  

Yesterday morning I was volunteering in the kids' Sunday School class and the lesson was about loving your enemies.  Can you think of a more seemingly contradictory statement than that?  Love the people you don't like, that hurt you, that don't deserve anything from you?  How can that be?  But Jesus often instructed us as Christians to do things that seem counterintuitive, even downright crazy to some.  The first will be last...sell everything you have and give to the poor, love your neighbor as yourself, pray for those who persecute you, don't worry about tomorrow, blessed are the poor in spirit, forgive as you have been forgiven, whoever wants to become great must be a servant, in quietness is your strength... 

I couldn't stop thinking about the beauty, the extraordinary, otherworldly beauty we see shining out of those statements...they are so counter-culture, so against the grain of what all our emotions and intuition seem to be telling us to do.  Just like those vibrant colors screaming out on a gloomy winter day, Jesus came into our world, so different than what anyone ever expected.  He showed us a better way to live and how to love than we ever could imagine on our own.  

I'm so appreciative of the way God uses bold contrasts to get our attention.  In a few months the earth will spring back to life again...there will be color, fresh new growth and warmth again.  That very contrast of the cycle of seasons is a miracle in itself.  We appreciate even more that truly warm day after many days of bitter cold.  In that same way, God's love has the power to warm even the coldest heart.  The beauty of His Creation has the power to open eyes that have long been dulled to everything around them.

 

In the month of Valentine's Day, I always appreciate reading 1 Corinthians 13 to refresh myself on what true love really looks like:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

Draw Near...

 James 4:8 - Draw near to God and He will draw near to you...

How often to you take the time to get up close...to really lean in and appreciate something with eyes wide open?  How often to you talk to someone, face to face, and really listen, really examine their facial expressions, really focus on what they are saying without thinking about your next statement?  How often do you just stop...stop whatever you are doing to take a deep breath and just appreciate the moment?  To me, these moments I am able to stop all the chatter, the demands, the urgent things to be attended to and just meditate on God, these are the times when I feel truly alive.

My dear Eva has taught me a lot about noticing the small things.  She is so immersed in the world of bugs and butterflies every summer and spends hours a day chasing after them with her net and bug cage to catch, observe and release them again.  I love the way there is no bug too small or too hard to catch for her to go after it.  Her enthusiasm to share with others about everything she finds is contagious.  She is able to get even the most timid kids to hold wiggly beetles and gentle moths within minutes.  And once you take that plunge, to enter into the world of nature, to appreciate something you may never have noticed before, you are changed...  Perhaps you won't be a bug enthusiast like Eva, but you start to notice things a little more when you see them.

Let God draw near to you...it is a choice you have to make first.  How crazy is it that that's how it even works.  God doesn't force Himself on You like some demanding dictator.  He's given each one of us a choice.  He gives us so much beauty, so much order and intricacy in Creation, and in this we can start to get a glimpse of how much He truly cares about us?  Have you ever stopped to wonder why He created so many different kinds of birds, butterflies, flowers and trees.  Why is the grass green and the sky blue?  Why all the color and texture and vibrancy that surrounds us.  It could have been so very different....

A relationship with God seems untenable to  many...it starts small, basic, simple.  But as you begin to know Him better, to know His character, His mercy, the depth of His love for you, your eyes are truly opened.  You begin to appreciate everything more.  You begin to have a whole new outlook on the meaning of each new day.  If the God Who made all of this gave me life and wanted me to wake up this morning, what does He have in store for me? What is His will and His plan for me?

But will we take the time to draw near? To ask Him these questions?  To wait for an answer?  That is the beauty and the heartbreak in it all.  Many of us, even those who acknowledge Him, don't give Him the time to even show us.  We jump right into our days with both feet, head down and following after our own agenda...missing out on the detours, the moments of joy, the opportunities to touch another's life, or to be touched by another, all along the way.  

Draw near....and He will draw near...

So simple.  So straightforward.  So true.

Draw near...stop...listen...and learn to see the Father in a whole new way today.

Put It Into Practice...

 How do I find peace in a hurting world?

I sat on the back deck the other morning, watching  my kids ice skate.  They laughed and hollered at each other as they glided around our backyard rink together.  I was excited to see the progress that 4-year-old Eva had made.  Just a few weeks earlier she had barely been able to skate, hanging on to the plastic walker Derrick constructed for dear life, and falling frequently.  Now, she skated with confidence and even had the strength to pull older brother Lawson around on a sled!  I was amazed...but that is what practice will do.  Anything that we apply ourselves to, with practice, becomes easier for us in time...

A few weeks back, just before New Year's Day, a dear friend of mine challenged me to find a verse that would be my verse for 2021.  Initially I thought this would take weeks of reflection and prayer, but very quickly, God showed me my verse for this year, as I read it again and again in my studies...

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

As I think about that verse this morning, I reflect on how we need to "put into practice" the things that are excellent.  We need to do something with our faith in order for it to really make an impact on our lives.  I can't just listen to a sermon on Sunday and then walk away and not think about God or read the Bible again for the rest of the week.  That makes no impact on my life, and does nothing to shape or change me or my character.  I have to put it into practice!

A while back I was telling Sienna how I played the flute and the piano for many years.  She was intrigued by this and asked me if I still knew how to play the flute and could show her.  I went up to my bedroom closet and pulled out my flute that I hadn't used for at least 17 years and showed it to her.  The beautiful silver instrument gleamed as I slide it together.  It felt so familiar to me and as I held it up to my lips, and though I was able to eek out a few rough notes, I quickly realized I had forgotten completely how to play.  

I was sad, thinking about that flute sitting in my closet, capable of so much beauty, yet worthless if I don't take the time to practice it often.  Faith is the same way, you know.  If we read the Bible but don't put into practice the things we read about, we will make no progress, it will not transform us as it is capable of doing, and our walk will be stagnant and stunted.

I think back again to Eva, gliding so confidently around the ice rink after being virtually unable to skate at the start of this winter.  I have a Bible sitting on my nightstand and another on my bookshelf downstairs.  This book contains everything I need to live a life of meaning, of purpose, and of beauty.  This book sets down guidelines for me to follow if I want to live my life to the fullest and have an eternity of joy to look forward to.  It is my instruction manual for life, but it is completely useless if I don't take the time to read it and really understand what is written in it and put it into practice.  No, it will not be easy.  It will require a lot of hard work on my part, learning and re-learning, and putting into practice the things that I observe.  It will be a humbling process as, again and again, I will have to submit my will and my way to God and ask Him to lead and guide me, in His way and in His timing.

The four preceding verses in Philippians chapter 4 are:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Many of us are aching for peace right now.  We are weary from all that has transpired over the past year, longing for life to "return to normal," longing for less discord and more harmony in our world.  In Jesus, we have access to a peace that "transcends all understanding."  But first, action is required on our part.  We have to talk to God, not just asking Him to give us peace, but "putting into practice" the things that we have studied in His word.  You may have spent most of your life up until now looking for ways to find peace, searching out every other avenue, but with no lasting results.  Will you turn to Him today?  Will you ask Him to help you find peace in 2021 through a close relationship with Him.  And if you already have this relationship with Him, will you ask Him to take it to a whole new level, giving you confidence to walk out into a hurting world with your head held high and share about your joy and your peace with others around you?

Here I Am. Send me!

"Who wants to help me make dinner?" I called out, mostly to my older kids.  My question was met with deliberate silence.  But then, a small voice cried from the other room, "I will help you!"  I couldn't help but sigh to myself as my three-year old ran into the kitchen and pulled a chair up to the counter.  The job was peeling carrots...not a typical three-year-old assignment.  But her enthusiasm and big smile more than made up for her capabilities.  I handed her a peeler, and she went to town, doing her best to peel a single carrot while I peeled the other eight.

As I cleaned up the carrot peels which had been flung all over the counter top, sink and floor, I had to laugh to myself.  How could I discourage any of my children from having the opportunity to learn?  How will they ever learn without these first baby steps and minor kitchen disasters?  Isn't it my job as a parent to encourage their curiosity and nurture their desire to participate in new experiences?


As I thought more about our kitchen adventures later this evening, God prompted me to see this scenario as I relate to Him.  He is fully capable of doing things on His own.  He doesn't need my help.  I'm a hot mess...about as helpful as a three-year-old trying to peel carrots!  And yet, time and time again in the Bible I see Him calling out for volunteers.  And the people He chose were so far from perfect, it often turned out more like a soap opera than a smoothly orchestrated plan.

What touches me most when I read the Bible and can see God working, even through all the messes, is that He still works in the messes!  The very messes we have created in the first place because of our stubborn pride, our sinful nature, our self-sufficiency...He still enlists us to step up, to volunteer, to let Him use us.  And in this step of trust and obedience, in all our imperfections, He is there...  He never stops to look for the strongest, the best looking, the most qualified candidates...all He is looking for is a willing and obedient heart.

I look at the news right now and it's easy to feel hopeless, lost, discouraged and alone.  But then I hear God calling out...Who will stand up to share My love, My Word, the hope I offer to a hurting and confused world?  

What do I have to offer, you might be thinking?  How could I possibly make a difference right now?  But how will you ever know if you don't first step out in faith?  How will you ever grow if you don't take that first step of saying, "Here I am.  Send me!"  Don't put any limitations on what God can accomplish with just one willing person.  He used Moses to free the Israelite people from slavery and part the Red Sea.  He used little David to kill the giant Goliath.  He used Joshua to knock down the walls of Jericho just by marching and making a lot of noise.

One day at a time, one act of obedience and step of faith, and He can use you and I in the same way.  But first, we have to volunteer.

Isaiah 6:8

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 

“Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”

And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”

Embracing Seasons...

I utter the words.... "Your Will Be Done" but do I really mean them?

Do you?

The season is changing, as much as I don't want to admit it.  Leaves are turning color and falling already, there's a chill in the air at night, I've even seen Christmas decorations on display in stores already and it's only September. 

As much as I try to hang on to these last few days of summer, I know it will soon be Fall...soon be a new season.  The glory of summer will be dying away, bit by bit, piece by piece until it is soon gone. 

Many of us balk at change, especially when it is completely out of our control.  As much as I would will it to be summer here forever, that will never come to pass. 



Do you embrace your seasons?  I sensed that the Lord was asking me this question as we drove home from a local farm tonight after enjoying some enormous pumpkins and other signs the approaching Fall.  Do you accept what I give you?  Do you continue to praise Me, when you are in a season that is difficult?  

Oh God, if it could only be Summer for just a while longer?  Why do things have to be so hard?  This endless cycle of life, ever-changing, is so exhausting at times.  Just when I find myself reaching a point of comfort, I'm thrown into a new season once more, faced with new obstacles to overcome.

But I'm still with you...  He reminds me as I digress.  Oh...yes I did know that God.  Of course, when everything is changing around me, I can always fall back on you, my Rock, my unchanging Fortress. 

What does it mean when I say, "Your Will Be Done"?  Well, I think it has something to do with embracing seasons...with handing the reigns over to God and accepting whatever He gives me.  Not my will, God but YOURS.  Not my personal preference, my comfort, my convenience....not the easy road...

"Your Will Be Done" means that I take each season in stride, that I TRUST in His plan for me, that I make progress, even when everything seems to be working against me.  I embrace my seasons by first embracing an unchanging God, Who cares more about me than I can possibly imagine.  What I lack, He supplies.  Where I struggle, He delivers me.  He turns my darkness into light...my darkest night into brilliant gleaming daylight. 

Psalm 18:1-3; 28-33(NIV)

I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies.

You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless;

he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord?

And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength

and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;

he causes me to stand on the heights.

Not My Ways...

"We want to make pancakes!!!" was the first thing my 4 and 6- year-old cried as we made our way into the kitchen yesterday morning.  "OK, we'll make pancakes for breakfast." 

"I want to crack the eggs!"
"I want to stir!"
"I want to get the pans out."
"I want to pour out the batter."
"I want to flip them."
"I want to eat a pancake!!"  (This was Eva)


The requests came steady and demanding.  The task would have been infinitely more efficient if I wasn't trying to reach around three children to ensure that nobody got hurt, and that all pancakes were cooked through and pulled off the scalding hot pans before they burned.  One by one, our plate of pancakes grew until we had a steaming stack, ready to eat. 

******

I could hear footsteps, following me into our backyard shed and then a questioning voice with the sweetest little inflection on the end, "What are you doing, Mama?" 
"I'm filling the bird feeders Eva."
"I do it," she declared
"OK, Eva," I sighed.  What else could I say?  I love her and I want to let her help me.  But often her help is not so helpful, shall we say.

As I took the top of the first bird feeder off, she scooped the birdseed out of the bin we keep it in and was ready with an overflowing cupful.  She tipped the cup over and most of the contents missed the feeder and dumped out all over me.  "Careful, Eva, try to do it again," I urged her.  Painstakingly, we made our way from feeder to feeder, filling all six of them one by one, with much coaching along the way.  We finished the task, but again and again the thought popped into my mind, "I could do this so much faster, so much better, without all of this help."

And then, with a verse, God put me in my place....flipped this right back around and reminded me how I try to go about my days, helping Him.  But He did more than that...He reminded me of how Jesus chose fishermen... a tax collector...to be His disciples... His right-hand men.  He could have done a lot better, I might dare to think...  But He allowed the most unlikely helpers, to walk beside Him, to witness His miracles, to see Him interacting with people every day, to hear His teachings.  I am unworthy to carry out even His most simple tasks, and yet, He chooses to work through a weak and inadequate human being like me.  Is His love for all mankind really this great?  How can this be??  

Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts

My ways are higher than your ways...

But God, I can handle this...  
I know what I'm doing....
If I can just get through this busy day, I promise I'll make some time to read my Bible at the end...

My ways are higher than your ways...

But God, this doesn't make any sense.  You're taking me in the opposite direction of where I should be going.  This can't possibly be the best path.  You can't possibly expect me to do this....

My ways are higher than your ways...

You're right, God.  You know SO much better than me.  Just as the kids wanted to help me and the help wasn't so very helpful, I try to take control of situations all day every day when I need to remember that You are still in charge.  Your ways are so beyond my comprehension.  You've already ordered and numbered my days.  How could I ever forget all of this? 

Psalm 86:11 (NIV)

Teach me your way, Lord,

that I may rely on your faithfulness;

give me an undivided heart,

that I may fear your name.

How to Cut a Watermelon...

This is how you cut a watermelon...(courtesy of Evangeline Berad)

1. First, you must find the smallest cutting board you own and place it in the middle of the kitchen floor.

2. Next, go to the dining room where a watermelon is sitting on the floor and roll it into the kitchen on top of the cutting board.

3. Finally, go to the silverware drawer, grab a small fork, and return to the watermelon. 

4. Now dig in!

Wait, did I miss something here?!?  I'm pretty sure this is going nowhere fast.  Maybe if she tried with all her might she could slightly pierce the skin, but there is no way she is ever going to get a taste of that delicious watermelon.

Sometimes, perhaps more often than I care to admit, I am faced with a very similar challenge.  I see the goal before me, but it is just not attainable.  Or life throws me a curve ball, and I don't have the strength, the wherewithal, the courage to move forward.  I'm left feeling discouraged and quite helpless.

 A lot of us will be eating watermelons this weekend.  They are delicious...almost at the desert status in my opinion.  But in order to get to the rewarding juicy red center, there is some serious muscle that must be exerted.

Memorial Day weekend is filled with many mixed emotions for me...it's my own sort of memorial in many ways.  Tomorrow, May 25th, marks four years since I lost my brother Ed in a horrific rock climbing accident.  The day he died, the weight of my grief seemed far too much to bear.  I did not know how I would ever move forward.  I was about as helpless to cope as a baby trying to cut a watermelon with a fork.

And do I have some magic formula to tell you how much better...easier...things have gotten for me in the last four years?  No....and yes...

No, the grief, the longing, the sorrow still hangs over me every day.  I am pretty sure that it always will.  But things are different now.  I recognized that day I found out the terrible news that I would never be able to carry a weight this heavy on my own.  That very night I got the phone call, I cried out to God, asking Him to take the load from me...and over and over again since then I have had to do the same.  So though it is not any easier, I no longer have the crushing burden to bear on my own.  I truly have God's peace that surpasses all understanding to help me weather this storm.  So yes, things are "better" in the sense that I can wake up each day and still find things to be thankful for, I can still experience great joy, even in the midst of the sorrow, and I still have hope.

Do you have a burden that seems just too heavy to carry, or a task you feel you will never be able to complete?  Give it over to God.  Ask Him to help you.  Trust that He hears you, that He loves you, and that He CARES.  Though I'm trying to be rather lighthearted tonight in how I convey this message, I could not be any more serious when I urge you, brother or sister, not to try to carry that burden on your own any longer. 

Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him."

Completely Overwhelmed...

I watched the other day as Lawson attempted to pick up four large balls and carry them out into the yard.  No matter which way he tried it, he always dropped at least one.  He started to grow frustrated...I could see the consternation on his face and I walked over to help him before the tears started to fall.  "I can't carry these.  Can you help me?"  Of course I could, and I did.  I grabbed all but one of the balls for him.  My arms were much better equipped for carrying them...it was easy.


I started my day today with scripture and a prayer that I might be able to parent my children with patience.  And quickly, I felt just as Lawson had with the balls...completely overwhelmed.  For a week now Eva has been sick, and trying to get the 5 kids ready and out the door by 9:15 to go to a field trip at a dairy farm was next to impossible.  Her crying and fussiness continued for the entire time we were out and did not improve until she finally passed out in the car 5 minutes from home, at 1:30 pm.

"I can't do this God!  Can you please help me?"

I was walking around the neighborhood with my mom the other day and was struggling to find things to talk about with her.  I remembered so many walks in the past and how easily we fell into conversation ...but now it is so very different.  I still have her here, but she is not able to communicate, to understand the simple beauty of spring, to even know her own grandchildren and daughter.  And it is heart wrenching.... 

"God, take this from me!  I'm not strong enough to carry a burden this heavy!"

This morning I read two Psalms that spoke to my heart...

Psalm 118: 5-6 says  "When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord:  He brought me into a spacious place.  The Lord is with me: I will not be afraid.  What can mere mortals do to me?"

Psalm 61:2 says, "I cry to You for help when my heart is overwhelmed.  Lead me to the towering rock of safety."

I long for easy solutions and quick fixes and for immediate answers to prayers.  There are days I am tempted to throw up my hands and give up.  But that's just not how it works.  God is using these difficult days, where the pain just seems to mount up more and more, to teach me...to teach me how much I need Him.

And so in a sense, I can see Him watching over me, waiting for me to signal my defeat and ask for help.  And it's as if He is nodding His approval, saying to me with great love and comfort, "Of course this is too much for you to handle.  That is why I am here."

Joy in the Obstacles...

 I took four of the kids mini golfing this morning while Reese had a sewing lesson.  I thought it would be a sure win, especially since we haven't been golfing since last summer.  Well, it was...almost...except that Eva wanted nothing to do with golfing.  For the few holes I was able to actually put her down and hit a ball, Lawson would run out and try to stop my ball or even hit it back to me....I soon gave up.  (Photos are from last year since I was holding a screaming baby for most of the time today!)

The kids reveled in all the different obstacles they had to overcome in order to get to the hole.  Hills and valleys, tunnels and caves and waterfalls...each hole offered a new challenge.  There were a few hole in ones...and many hole in fourteens.
 As we left the golf course an hour later, I was thinking to myself how the obstacles are what make mini golf truly enjoyable and fun.  Who wants to play golf on a course that is completely flat and straight, with nothing blocking the path to the hole?  What skill would it require to keep hitting the ball straight ahead for every single hole?

If only we could adopt the same mindset in regards to our lives.  Do I take the time to appreciate how the bumps in the road serve to challenge and grow me?  Do I appreciate the uphill battles and try to learn from them, or do I grumble and complain when the going gets tough?  Do I accept that my life is bound to be filled with suffering and disappointment and trials, perhaps not always, but at some point?

This morning I read this passage written by Elizabeth Elliot and it truly spoke to my heart.

"The Lord of Hosts is absolutely sovereign.  He holds power over the universe, He holds authority over my life - not because He usurps the rights with which He endowed me in creation, but  because I had specifically asked Him to be Lord of my life.  I had prayed as earnestly as a child, and a teen, and a woman can pray, Thy will be done.  The coming of this transcendent authority into one's life is bound to be an active thing, an immense disruption at times....I have come to understand even suffering, through the transforming power of the Cross, as a gift, for in this broken world, in our sorrow, He gives us Himself; in our loneliness, He comes to meet us...He came as love that would never let go."  (from The Path of Loneliness)

The twists and turns, the dips and dives, the rocks in my path...perhaps the next time I encounter one, I will look back on this day and laugh to myself.  Perhaps I will be able to view the challenge in a whole new light...remembering there will be "disruptions"...but that He is with me through it all.

The One Who Has Gone Before...

She must have been in a helping mood the other day...my sweet and oh-so-helpful Evangeline who turns 2 next week.  (Be still my heart!!!)  Her first attempt at helping involved swirling a toilet brush around in the toilet and then walking across the entire room with it, leaving a drippy trail behind her.  But her next offer of help really made me laugh.  I had left the cupboard ajar which holds our colanders.  She saw them and for whatever reason, it struck her fancy to grab them and go outside to pick in the garden.  Now of course, it's almost December and the garden is no more.  This week we have had snow several days in a row and it is bitterly cold.  Her sweet request to "Pick 'matoes" was ironic and ill-timed.  "No Eva, we can't pick tomatoes today.  They are all gone." 

She looked at me for a moment...I thought I detected a slight quiver of disappointment in her lip.  "Pick 'matoes?" she asked again, questioningly.  "No, we can't, Eva.  They are all gone." 

She looks to me for guidance...for help.  When the path is unclear, she asks me for help, even though she thinks she knows the way.  It is a humbling thing to see a reflection of myself in my youngest child.  I wishfully desire my life to go a certain way, but often find my plans are thwarted by the realities of life.  I'm so convinced about the way I think I should go...the way I want to go... Disappointment...confusion...discouragement threaten to cloud my vision.   But I have a gracious and loving Father Who has made a way for me...He has gone before me and given me a path to follow.

The beautiful words of Psalm 17:5 touched my heart this morning... 

My steps have held closely to Your paths [to the tracks of the One Who has gone on before]; my feet have not slipped.

I fell twice on the icy driveway and sidewalk today, just taking some letters out to the mail.  Reality hit me...cold and hard! 

Without Him...I'm lost...just waiting for a fall.  On the days I forge ahead on my own, I struggle and often falter.  "Follow Me," He urges.  The love in His words soothes over my travel-weary heart...my feet grip firmly to the path...and I know I am safe with the One Who has gone on before me...

Seed-Like Faith...

How can such towering plants sprout up in a matter of weeks...from just one tiny seed?  Our garden (and yard) are overtaken by huge sunflowers this year.  We often have them coming back from previous years, and in new places, and usually I pull them out when they are just seedlings...but this year we let most of them grow.  And grow they did!  For a very short while Lawson was walking out every day to see if one plant by our shed was taller than him yet.  Now I think it is one of the tallest, probably almost 10 feet tall.

When I'm holding one small seed in the palm of my hand, it may be tempting to overlook all of the potential that lies within.  I may brush it aside without another thought, never realizing the beauty and joy it could bring to my days.

This is a message that speaks deeply to my heart.  Not to take the little things for granted.  Not to deny that a very small seed can grow into an enormous and towering plant. If I have but a meager seed of faith, God can take that and use it to grow and change me dramatically.  If I take that seed and cultivate it, allowing it to grow, the possibilities are endless.

Evangeline has taken great interest in finding puff balls all over the yard and blowing on them with great animation, relishing every last tiny seed she can spread in the yard.  We'll enjoy the "fruit" of all her labors next spring when the yard is overtaken by yellow flowers I am sure!

Oh the power of a tiny seed!  If only I could remember that when I fell like my life is spinning out of control.  Help me, God, to remember that it only takes faith the size of a mustard seed to move mountains.

Matthew 17:20

Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. 
Nothing will be impossible for you."

Coloring Outside the Lines...

This is not a post about my perfectly well-behaved children or our amazing day together which ran just as smoothly as I had anticipated.  No, this is a story filled with messiness, temper tantrums, of kids not listening, of spills and clean-ups, of picking up the pieces and moving on in a far-less-than-perfect state, of acceptance...

Life is messy.

Just take a moment, step away from those Facebook and Instagram posts of everyone smiling and looking put-together to let this fact sink in.  We don't like the messiness of it all.  We don't like to admit things aren't always, (most of the time are not) perfect.

This morning I let Eva use watercolor paints...while she was wearing a white pajama shirt.  And as you might imagine any 19-month-old would do, she made a total rainbow mess of herself.  But instead of becoming frustrated, a smile came to my lips as I realized...this is my life right now...it's just messy...and that is OK!

I'm learning, ever so slowly, not to lower my expectations but to widen them.  What I think is "Right" isn't always the best.  I need to let my kids experience the world around them, getting messy along the way.  Doesn't my own Heavenly Father give me that same freedom? 

Oh how quick I am to jump in and stop my kids from making a "mistake."  Sometimes, I need to bite my tongue and just let them experience...learn...and make messes.  Even some big ones.


My own life often seems less-than-perfect.  As much as I might strive for a clean house, an organized calendar, making it to my appointments on time, getting dinner on the table every night, keeping everything running smoothly and orderly...the reality is I can't do it all and I have to accept that and move on. 

Driving my minivan with 5 kids down the highway today, I called my Mom on the phone and was trying to fill her in about our day.  "Won't you come and sit here next to me on this chair?" she asked me, thinking I was not on the phone but actually with her in person.  "I can't Mom, I'm sorry...I'm in the car right now."  I was clenching my jaw to keep from bursting out in tears in front of the kids...keeping my emotions at bay.  Life is messy...

Widen those expectations...remember life isn't perfect...it's messy here on earth.  Remember too that God knows all of this, and He cares.  He understands our struggles.  He wants us to learn and grow stronger through them.  And He wants us, more than anything else, to turn to Him for help every day.  He pursues me, even in my messiness...He is preparing a place for me in Heaven someday...a place that is perfect.

Sometimes I have to step back and just let my kids color outside the lines from time to time, realizing that my own life is not always defined by the boundaries I self-impose... I can't and I won't understand the messiness at times, and it is in those moments where I must quietly look away from the mess and turn my eyes heavenward...

Isaiah 55:8-9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

9 

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts."