Season of Light

 I struggle with the darkness of Fall and Winter.  The days grow shorter and shorter, darkness comes so early.  The cold sets in and the abundant life of summer begins to slow down.  Driving out of our neighborhood last night, I was surprised by the number of houses that already have Christmas lights out.  The stark contrast from just a week ago - the brightly lit yards which were once dark with the night - was striking.  Now, in spite of the dark - light shown brightly.  There was a new beauty - a joy that superseded the darkness.  Were it summer time, when the light doesn't fade from the sky until almost 10 pm, these lights would not be nearly as noticeable or appreciated.  Here in the Fall, the difference is a dramatic one.

Our seasons bring us greater appreciation for God, and for the work that He is doing in our lives.  If I stay in a perpetual summer, my human inclination is to lose sight of Him - I don't need and rely on Him as steadfastly.  During the difficulties of winter, my faith is deepened, my dependence on Him becomes my lifeline.  And it is here that His light shines most brightly.

God brings light to my life, and it is truly dramatic.  His glory brings beauty and strength and joy, even in the midst of my personal darkness.  In Him we can rise up, and shine brightly, we can revel in the miracle of each new day and come with a spirit of thanksgiving for the many ways He has blessed us.

Isaiah 60:1-2 (NIV)

 “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples,but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. 

Laughter...

God gave  me the story of Sarah in the past two weeks, over and over and over again.  I kept encountering it in places I wasn't expecting it.  In a book I was reading, in a Bible study I'm working on with a friend, at a baby shower.  Just last night I opened my daughter's Bible for her bedtime story and there is was, AGAIN!  I stopped for a minute, by brow furrowed, "What are you trying to tell me here, God? How does this story relate to me?"  It is a story of laughter and of disbelief and of bitterness.  An old woman hears God's promise of a son she is to bear, but she is so weary, so tired of her prayers going unanswered, so tired of waiting and hoping.  Her bitterness pours out as laughter...how could I bear a son at the age of 90??  Is this some kind of cruel joke, God?  But it wasn't, and in the end she gave birth to a son exactly as God had promised.  He was named Isaac, which means "laughter."  I've never thought much on the meaning of that name until now.  It points to the fulfillment of a promise, a most unlikely promise.  It points to the joy that God can bring even in our greatest disappointments and unbelief.  He is a God who can bring laughter, tears of joy, even to our places of most bitter disappointment and pain.

I try to relate this to what I am presently experiencing in my own life.  I can hear the promises of God echoing in the back of my mind, but when I am with my mom, when I look at photos of my brother, they seem to be so distant, so meaningless, so un-graspable.  You say You'll never leave me, God, but it surely feels like You have.  How can you let this happen to my mom, right after we just lost my brother?  How can this be part of your plan?

I go back to Sarah, see the tears in her eyes as she laughs in bitterness and pain.  Something she longed for so deeply for her entire life has been promised to her, but it feels too late to her.  But God DID have a plan, He did what He said He would do, His promises are trustworthy and true.  That bitter laughter was transformed into a laughter of joy when she held her son, whose name meant laughter, in her arms.

May You give me today the perseverance, the trust, the strength, God, to get through this trial.  Alzheimer's may rob me of my mother, but it can not rob me of You.  I cling to You in my sorrow and pain because You are my hope.  Even if my prayers are not answered in my way or my timing, I know You hear them, I know You care, and I know You have a plan in all of this.

From the depth of my pain I cry out to the Lord for help.  His peace descends on me, floods over me, gives me the strength to move forward.

Deuteronomy 13:4 (NLT) Serve only the Lord your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him.

Working out...

 The old stone wall meandered down along the rolling hill, separating two fields.  It has stood there for decades...perhaps even a century.  As I drive along it, I notice one place where there is a small white gate; for what purpose I do not know.  It reminds me of the verse about entering through the narrow gate...

Matthew 7:13-1(NIV)

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road 

that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and 

narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Sienna was working on her school papers this morning.  She is so enthusiastic about school and so eager to learn...and she desperately wants to learn how to read.  We were working on letter sounds and trying to sound out simple three-letter words.  I would ask her the sounds of each letter, then we'd slowly put them together and I'd ask her what the word was.  There were 6 words on the page and every word rhymed: hat, cat, fat, mat, bat and rat.  We got to the last word and she sounded out...R-A-T.  There were three pictures next to the word and she had to circle the correct picture.  There was a rat, a fox and a pig.  She had just sounded out the letters and I asked her, which picture is the right one.  She looked closely at the paper and answered with great confidence, "Fox!"  I urged her to think it over again...even said the other words we had just done and how they all rhymed.  "Are you sure it's fox?"  "Yes," she answered. 

Sometimes an answer can be staring us directly in the face, and yet somehow, in our pride, our unbelief, our stubbornness, we fail to see it.  "Lord, give me eyes to see the truth.  Help me not to overlook it.  In my human weakness, help me not to pass by that narrow gate."

Sounding out those first words takes such tremendous effort for a new reader.  Eventually, after much practice, it begins to come easier.  In the same way, I have to work hard at my faith every day.  I can not take it for granted.  If I become complacent, I'll certainly stumble down the wrong path.  If I don't take it seriously, continuing to work on it day by day, I'll be weak and ineffective...I'll miss the obvious things God wants me to learn.

I've found that my faith has been a lifeline when I am caught in the terrible storms of life.  I thought of an illustration last night as I lay in bed.  Each time I work out my faith, it's like adding a new fiber to my lifeline.  If I never memorized or studied Scripture, never read the Bible or prayed, never attended church or Bible study, my lifeline would be nothing more than a single thread.  But as I build on my faith, tiny thread by tiny thread, the cord becomes an unbreakable rope, capable of pulling me out of the most treacherous storm. 

Don't miss the obvious.  Don't miss what is staring you directly in the face.  There is so much more to life than what immediately meets the eye.  If you feel there is something lacking, there probably is.  God offers us fulfillment in Him, He brings meaning and purpose to our lives.  He offers us hope beyond what this temporal and uncertain world could ever offer.

Philippians 2:12-13  Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—

not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—

continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,  for it is God who works

 in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

We enjoyed a visit with my friend Sally today, who told me, "Shelley, you have so much, but you have so much."  She is so absolutely right.  This world dishes out some pretty difficult situations, the pain...the sorrow...the loss are overwhelming at times.  But I must never forget the tremendous blessings I do have.  And my faith stands as a constant reminder of that...of the many blessings of God, playing out on a daily basis.

This Thanksgiving, I'm running in a 5K Turkey Trot with Carter.  As we leave the house early tomorrow to go run in the cold, I'll be thinking about working out...remembering all of this.  Faith is a daily exercise.  The narrow gate is easy to miss.  We'll pass by that little white gate on our way to the race.  "Enter in," He beckons.  "Enter in and bask in My love.  Once you were lost, but now you are found..."

Overflowing with Thankfulness

 Are you a thankful person?  Do you look for things to be grateful for or are you always focused on the things you don't have or things that aren't going the way you want them to?  This time of year we are urged to reflect on the things in our lives we are thankful for.  There are some things that come to mind very quickly...the "big" things like health, food and shelter, employment and family. 

Naturally I'm SO grateful for these things and should certainly be thankful for them every single day.  But there are times when we find fewer reasons to be thankful, and it is then that I believe we must really dig deep to recognize that sometimes our perceived challenges and trials and difficulties, may be reason too for thankfulness. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Be thankful in all circumstances...notice we don't necessarily have to be thankful for the bad things but in them.  I certainly don't have the strength to live this way on my own.  It's only through Christ's strength that I can find reason to be thankful in spite of my trials.  And indeed, He gives me a multitude of things to be thankful for every single day!

Help me to overflow with thankfulness, oh Lord!  When others see me, may they see a joy that can only come from You.  May I exude a thankful spirit that reflects all the goodness of knowing You and having a personal relationship with You.  






Colossians 2:6-7
And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

Fall...a heavy season...

 I heard a woman today, joking about how she hates Fall because everything is dying or dead.  The weather starts to deteriorate...it is gloomy and cold...the glory of summer is past.  But she went on to say that there is a need for Fall.  If there wasn't a Fall, new life could not grow back in the Spring.

I look around me each day now, as the last colors of Fall quickly fade away.  Soon there will be nothing but bare trees and brown grass.  How much can I relate this to my own life...to this season of difficulty I find myself in right now?  Even though I walk through this valley, though there seems to be so little hope at times, I know that it will not last forever.  I do still have hope. 



My seasons of trial have taught me so much...have pushed me to lean so much harder on God.  I long for the Spring and Summer...long for them to last indefinitely.  But I also know that until we are challenged we can never grow.  I watch my sweet Evangeline now, every day getting closer to walking.  She could quite happily keep crawling for the rest of her life and avoid many bumps and bruises.  But she doesn't want to live life down on her knees.  She keeps pulling up to stand, holding onto furniture.  She will soon try to take a step...or two.  She will fall, often.  She will get hurt.  It will be difficult and scary and painful.  But in the end, she will be a champion walker.

I can walk through my trials with confidence because I am no stranger to pain.  I can walk through my trials with confidence because I have learned from them, I have become stronger through them, and I have God to carry me through them. 

This season may be a hard and heavy one to bear, but it reminds me of the hope of spring to come.  When my burdens are too much, I am continually overwhelmed that my loving God offers to carry them for me. 

Carter's 10th

It was a whirlwind of a day with 9 of Carter's friends coming over to celebrate his 10th birthday party.  He wanted a Dude Perfect party this year and we had lots of fun games for the kids to play together and keep them busy. 

I am so blessed to have this not-so-little-anymore guy in my life for the past decade!

Be glad in it...

I'm sitting in traffic, waiting to turn into the parking lot of the Urgent Care clinic.  My son has been sick on and off for 11 days and needs to be checked out.  Traffic is heavy this time of day...the light is red and I wait for it to turn, casting my gaze to the marquee for the plaza I'm about to enter.  The digital sign switches from one ad to the next...and then...these words appear:

Psalm 118:24  This is the day that the Lord has made.  Let us Rejoice and be glad in it.

Mere seconds these words stare out at me...then they vanish as the next ad appears.  The light turns, I proceed with my day.  But that verse, those words, they stick with me.  Why were they even there?

It was not an easy day...has not been an easy week.  The kids are sick.  I've been kept awake every night by a screaming baby who is getting three teeth and is at the peak of misery.  On Monday I watched my daughter throw up all over herself at the grocery store and then turn to throw up on me.  I am trying to deal with it, but I am weary and worn down and discouraged, to say the least. 

Rejoice and be glad...

Do I rejoice because things are going my way or the way I think they should go?  Do I rejoice because things are easy, comfortable, predictable or calm?  Do I rejoice because I am safe, healthy, well-fed, free...  Any of these things, in an instant, could change.  But regardless of that, regardless of how I am feeling, and of my perceptions of how this day is going, I rejoice.  I rejoice because God made today, and granted me the breath to live in it.  I'm here because He ordained it...and I am so glad for that.

I rejoice and I am glad...in spite of whatever trials may come.  The Lord has seen fit to give me another day and I will live it to the best of my ability, the fullest of my potential. 

My 5 Rainbows...

 I saw three rainbows in the span of 4 days last week.  Well, 5 actually...two of them were doubles.  No matter what I'm doing, I always stop to pay attention to rainbows.  Something so simple as a strand of colors shining in the sky...and yet the beauty of it never becomes routine or ordinary.  Both days I saw the rainbows, I thought to myself, "I needed that."  Saturday in particular was a very difficult day for me.  As I pulled out of the driveway at 8 am, great heaviness on my heart, I turned to the left and there was a brilliant full rainbow, created in the light of the equally amazing sunrise.  I have never seen a sunrise rainbow before and it was incredible...a message of hope!

My dear sister-in-law was encouraging me the other day and when I showed her a photo of the baby, she said, "There's your rainbow."  She could not have said it with any more truth!  On the days that are so very hard, I am so blessed by my 5 little rainbows...who bring me smiles every day, cheer my heart, and keep me going, day in and day out.  They pull me away from the ordinary and make my life something truly extraordinary.  They give me reason to hope even in the midst of the storm.  They keep me looking up to the heavens, rather than staring down at the ground.

My sweet niece brings me such joy and hope also.  Her smiles, even from the other side of the world, warm my heart.  Children are a blessing beyond measure.  The beauty of their innocence, their contagious, unbridled joy, their infectious smiles and their contagious laughter can only be described as extraordinary.

Eternal glory...

I had the rare opportunity to spend 4 hours alone this week, driving in the car.  It was a sad day...I was attending the funeral of my dear friend's father.  As I sat in the church, listening to the sermon I could not help but think of the other funerals I've attended recently...and those to come.  I loved the verses the priest used in his message...

2 Corinthians 5:1 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.

He described this passage in a way I had never thought about before, that we dwell in mere tents while on this earth...tents that move and which are not our permanent home.  These tents may move from place to place over the course of our lives and could be picked up at any time.  And one day, they are gone.  The darkness of that realization, the understanding of how delicate and precious life is, hits hard.  But then there is hope...hope of a future home in a place so much better...and a home so much more permanent...a house...a mansion, waiting for me! 

I struggle so often with the impermanence of this world!  Oh, how I wish things didn't have to change so often, be so hard, be so sad.  I try to craft for myself a world as comfortable and safe and secure as I'm able, only to realize that my ability to truly do so is so very limited.  When it comes to the big things, my family, my health, my very ability to wake up each morning to a new day...I start to realize how powerless I truly am.  But I don't allow these thoughts to paralyze me.  While dwelling on my weaknesses could destroy me, I try instead to focus on the future.  Another verse that touches on this is:

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I lift my eyes toward Heaven...wondering what it will be like.  No more pain, no more sorrow, no more sickness.  I look back down at the things that surround me, the situations I am facing.  This is not my forever home.  I may be pushed to the brink, tested to my last shred of strength, but my desire is to run this race and run it well.  Fix my eyes on the unseen...give me strength to dwell on the eternal when all else seems to fail me.  Press on...