True Colors...

 "Did you see the leaves today?  They are just beautiful.  So many lovely colors...."

I was on the phone with my Mom early this morning, trying to encourage her to look out her bedroom window at the gorgeous Fall leaves.  She was having a tough day and I was desperately looking for a way to cheer her up.  I tried several times to explain it to her in a way she could grasp but she just couldn't understand what I was saying.  Discouragement crept in quickly for me...something so simple...so beautiful...something she used to love so much, was now a completely foreign concept to her.

I was reading a book to the kids today and it explained why Fall leaves change color.  The thing I found most interesting was that leaves always have their "colors"...they are just hidden underneath the chlorophyll throughout the warm months.  As the light begins to decrease and temperatures drop, the chlorophyll disappears and the true colors of the leaves can then be seen at last.

This past week I read the verse,

1 Timothy 1:17  Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, 

be honor and glory 

for ever and ever. Amen.

I was thinking over this list of of God's attributes and wondering why "invisible" is included in it.  Perhaps, it is there as a reminder...a reminder that God's power is not diminished in any way, despite the fact that He often chooses to go unseen.  Leaves are always colorful, you just don't see their true colors until the Fall...in the same way our Great God wants us to have the kind of faith that can "see" Him in the everyday, to have certainty in His presence, even when He is behind the scenes...invisible to our eyes.

 Two verses later, in verse 19, Paul went on to write this...




All those prayers are coming together now so you will do this well, fearless in your struggle, keeping a firm grip on your faith and on yourself. After all, this is a fight we’re in. (The Message)

It is not easy to keep sight of my hope, my strength, my immortal and unchangeable God in the everyday struggles I go through.  The reality is, it is hard work...it's a fight as we read in this verse.

God, give me the strength to keep fighting, even when I am ready to give up all hope.  Help me to see beyond what is seen.  Help me to remember where my hope comes from.  Give me breathtaking glimpses of Your glory, just as I am awed by the beauty of the Fall leaves right now.  Help me to see You in the everyday miracles that surround me that I so often take for granted.  Help me to remember that thought You might be "invisible", You are truly far from invisible to me...

A "Good" Meal

The other morning after I saw there had been a heavy frost, I took the kids out to the garden to pick what remained of our produce.  Chilly little fingers grabbed up the last of the tomatoes, peppers and green beans.  I set to work on the lima beans, that were trellised and too high for anyone else to reach.  After we came back inside to warm up, I asked the kids to peel the lima beans for me.  The shells of the beans were thick and hard to break open.  After working through a huge pile of tough shells, only a small pot of beans was left for us to eat. 

 Last night as we were sitting down to eat dinner, Eva scooted out of her high chair and ran out to the other room.  We prayed and began serving out the food, forgetting about her for a minute (she rarely eats dinner for some reason I have yet to understand).  Derrick commented after just a few minutes that she was very quiet and got up to find her.  She was hiding in the other room, under the table, eating fudge with a spoon out of a little container we had just bought that afternoon.  Fudge...for dinner!  She had made quick work of it too, knowing she'd be found out at some point!

As I thought, with a little smirk, about these two "meals" I realized what a contrast there was to the fudge that was rich and delicious and easy to consume and the lima beans that required so much work and seemed so much less fulfilling.  If you've ever tasted a fresh picked lima bean however, you know that they are buttery and smooth and so very delicious...and ever so much more nutritious for the body than fudge.

What are you filled with?  Are you trying to sustain yourself with the empty things of this world.  Are you looking to other people, material possessions, your career, even your busy schedule, to give you satisfaction and fulfillment and joy?  Or are you looking to God...are you "eating" of His Word, devouring His promises, clinging fast to His steady and unwavering presence.  Are you filling yourself up with things that last or things that quickly fade away and leave you empty?

Help me today, Lord, to eat a Good Meal.  Help me to quickly identify the things that are truly meaningful and worthy of my time, my energy, and my attention, and distinguish those from the things that quickly fill up the hours and leave me empty.  Help me to not be deceived by sweetness, but to focus on what is lasting and true.

Supported

My kids were amazed this week to see the size of the dahlias that are still blooming in our yard.  One plant in particular has flowers that are so large, the plant cannot support them at all.  Carter went out to investigate the other morning after it had rained and the largest of the flowers was lying face down in the yard.  It was a shame to see such a gorgeous bloom, lying pitifully on the ground. 

I am often amazed by how quickly I can go from coasting along in confidence to finding myself face down on the ground.  All too quickly, I become distracted, prideful, focused on the wrong things, only to get myself into trouble.  One minute I am flourishing, puffed up in my estimations of my own capabilities, my selfish ambitions, my misplaced self-confidence...the next I am in a place of desperation...realizing for the umpteenth time that I don't have the strength to go on.  One quick downpour, one gust of wind, is all it takes to knock me down...to bring me to that place where I realize again the depth of my need for God.

When properly supported, the dahlia is an amazing, showy flower.  When left to grow on it's own, at least from my own experience, more often than not it can not support it's own weight.  God, help me to recognize each day my need for you, as my foundation, my lifeline, my supporter.  I place my trust, not in my own strength, but in You.

Ephesians 3:16-20

 I pray that he will use his glorious riches to make you strong. May his Holy Spirit give you his power deep down inside you. 17 Then Christ will live in your hearts because you believe in him. And I pray that your love will have deep roots. I pray that it will have a strong foundation. 18 May you have power together with all the Lord’s holy people to understand Christ’s love. May you know how wide and long and high and deep it is. 19 And may you know his love, even though it can’t be known completely. Then you will be filled with everything God has for you.

20 God is able to do far more than we could ever ask for or imagine. He does everything by his power that is working in us.

To Grieve and to Grow...

I never expected the places I loved most...places I have visited many times before, to evoke such powerful memories...








This weekend I had the opportunity to travel east for three amazing, heart-wrenching days...visiting many dear family and friends.  On the way to New Jersey, I allowed myself the "luxury" of spending three hours walking around one of my favorite places in the world, Longwood Gardens.  It was different, visiting alone this time, as every other time I've been there I've gone with family and friends...but somehow, it seemed appropriate.  As I walked down the flowered paths, passed by the gorgeous, peacefully flowing fountains, I allowed myself to remember....


Just the last time I was there, in 2013, my mom was well...smiling...conversant...she was still whole.  And my brother...he was still here...vibrant and alive... 

Perhaps in many ways, this weekend was the first time I have really allowed myself to grieve...and it was powerfully painful.  I could not hold back the tears as my visit at the gardens came to a close.  I breathed in the scent of the roses, gazed at the glorious fountains, read names of flowers I'd never seen or heard of before, and I crossed bridges from the past...into my present reality. 




Being back in New Jersey for a weekend, seeing the many places I grew up visiting, seeing old friends and beloved family, brought back so many wonderful memories.  Listening to friends and family recount stories about my mom brought a piece of her back to me, if only for a moment.  It felt as thought I was standing outside on a pitch black night and a brilliant shooting start shot across the sky right over my head.  There she was again, funny, energetic, intelligent, loving, kind...and then, just as quickly as it appeared, that star vanished out of sight.  There I was, sitting at a table set for lunch with two of my mom's dearest friends.  There were four seats at the table, but only three places were set.  Mom should have been there, but she wasn't...and will never be again.

Driving down the road past my childhood home, the tears flowed freely.  I drove into little Vincentown which was just a couple of miles past my house.  The main street looked much the way I remembered it.  I parked my car by a stream behind the town library and sat with my best friend beside me, on a bench overlooking the stream.  I cried as I remembered...passing by that stream many mornings on the way to school, releasing a pet frog there one summer.  I cried as I remembered the past and all that I have lost.  I told my friend how in 3rd grade I had stood on that bank with my whole class, dressed in colonial clothes, for a picture.  We had taken a tour of the historic buildings in town, the library and the little one-room school house.  The school house sat right beside us, and seeing an "Open" sign outside, we wandered inside just to peek for a minute.  There at a table, just inside the door, sat a woman that I instantly recognized....could it truly be?  Amazingly, just moments after I was talking about her, there sat my 3rd-grade teacher who I haven't seen in almost 30 years!  God is so good.  She even told me that this was the first time she had been to the schoolhouse all year...it truly was a miracle!


My visit went by in a blur.  As I was packing to leave yesterday, I read a verse in my morning devotions that hit me to the core.  It was Isaiah 41:13 and it says,

"For I am the Lord your God Who takes hold of your right hand and says to you.  Do not fear, I will help you."

Indeed, I know that He will...