Hungry?

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled

Matthew 5:6

 It was an absolutely gorgeous spring-like day for the last day of February.  We were able to get the plastic eggs hung out on our little maple tree, go for a walk around the neighborhood, play in the backyard and have a little birthday party for Pop Pop.  Happy 71st Birthday, Pop Pop!!!


I was even able to sneak away for a run later in the afternoon.  I do love a good run...  I was only about 10 minutes into my run when I smelled the most AMAZING smell.  It was nearing 5 pm and someone was obviously taking advantage of the beautiful weather to grill a steak.  Now I smell grilled meat all the time...we grill year-round...will shovel a path out to the grill in a snowstorm if we have to...but this was something different.  I don't know what kind of steak and how it was prepared but it was stop-you-in -your-tracks good.  I was ready to go bang on the door and invite myself for dinner but realized I probably wasn't dressed for the occasion in my sweaty workout cloths.  hehehe  So I kept plodding along, thinking about that steak.  I feel like I'm normally not affected that much by a single smell...don't really know why it hit me like that tonight.  I wasn't even hungry when I left the house.  That moment I first smelled it my entire focus was on that delicious smell and how badly I wanted a taste.


As I continued to run, a verse came to me...Matthew 5:6....and I started to imagine what my relationship with the Lord would be like if I truly hungered and thirsted for Him like I just had when I smelled that steak.  What if every ounce of my focus, my attention, and my desire was centered around Him?  What if I really craved, Him?  What if I started my day off with my first waking thought being, "I need You, God!"  I feel like that's probably what my relationship with God should be like, but it often falls far short of that.  I am constantly distracted from Him, from what is truly important in this life.  My thoughts are here, there and everywhere but rarely stay focused solely on Him.

I could take a few bites of that amazing steak, and it might satisfy me temporarily.  But at some point, I'd certainly be hungry again.  Not true with God...He can fully satisfy my soul.  When the things of the world leave me feeling empty and disappointed, He fills and fulfills me until my cup runs over.

I read this quote today in a Beth Moore book I own:

"The giant step in the walk of faith is the one we take when we decide God no longer is a part of our lives.  He is our life."

Pink Tongues and Potty Words

My kids teach me so much, sometimes every day.   The word Humility comes to mind probably the most frequently when I think about a quality the kids help me with.  What do I mean by this?  Well, just at that moment when I feel like I've got things together, when I think things are going smoothly, that's when they pull the rug out from under my feet.

I make the effort to get them all dressed in clean clothes for the day....then we run an errand to the grocery store for much-needed food items.  I allow the kids to have a free cookie from the bakery and it keeps them happy while I shop.  But by the time I make it to the checkout line, the cookies are long-gone and the kids look like little street urchins with chocolate smeared all over their faces, hands and clothes.  Blasted chocolate chips...can't they ever give out plain sugar cookies???  People start looking at me funny and I know there are some judgements being made, "Doesn't she care about keeping her kids clean?"  "Can't she afford better clothes for them to wear?"  "Have those kids had a bath in the last week???"  See what I mean...humility...accepting that things aren't always going to look perfect in my life, even when I try my hardest.  My kids see to that.

Another humbling moment this week was when Sienna told us a little story about her Bible Study class.  Apparently the teacher asked the children to pray for their families.  Sienna told her she wanted to pray for Carter and Reese because, "My brother and sister use bad words."  OH NO SHE DIDN'T!  I can only imagine the teacher's reaction and what she must have thought.  Sienna's idea of bad words: poop, butt, toot....they were probably thinking along the lines of some other four letter words....  Next week when I show up at class my head may hang in shame...

Reese has been getting kids cookbooks out at the library by the dozens for a couple weeks now.  She is so excited about learning to cook.  So far her recipe repertoire includes: Chocolate Fondue, Chocolate Fudge, Ice Cream, and Petal Pancakes.  (She's very health conscious, catch that??)

Driving home the other day we were passing by the city.  The kids always like to point out the building Derrick works in.  I told them I really need to try and take them in some day to see his office again...it's been years since I last did.  Reese piped up from the back seat, "What do you do at work all day?"  Derrick said, "Well, I just sit at my desk and work on my computer."  "Can't you get up and run all around?  That would be more fun!" Oh Reese, if only you knew...

Petal Pancakes are apparently quite awesome!

Kids are uncensored, unashamed, and blatantly honest and they can always make me laugh, even on the hardest of days.  They make me appreciate the world from a different point of view... The other day Sienna was eating a StarBurst candy (an orange one to be exact) and asked me, "Do I smell like a Star Wars?"

Yesterday the kids were chewing gum after a meal.  Sienna always likes it when what she is eating changes the color of her tongue and she asked me, "Is my tongue pink?"  "Yes," I informed her, "It's always pink."  "It's PINK!!!"  she exclaimed...."I need to go look in the mirror!"  See, I really need to soak up some of that enthusiasm when it comes to my own life...wouldn't my days be a lot more interesting???

Overcoming...

Everyone likes a good survival story...the thrill of the struggle and the overcoming of it.  We derive strength in stories where others have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds and triumphed.  You see bumper stickers and t-shirts all the time, proclaiming some great feat of strength.  "This car climbed Mt. Washington" or "I survived Hurricane Ivan"  

We revel in those experiences when we push the envelop of our 

human capabilities and come out the victors.  

And who doesn't like a good David and Goliath story...that moment two seemingly unmatched foes collide and the lesser man is the triumphant one...still standing at the end of the battle?  We cheer when the baby bunny escapes the clutches of the fierce hawk...  We applaud the man who finishes the race, running with a prosthetic limb...   We don't want to see anyone give up....my kids love the story of the "Tortoise and the Hare" and no matter how many times we read it, there's always a little thrill when you realize the tortoise, most unlikely of competitors, is going to cross the finish line first.

Seeing others face trials and overcome them bolsters our own resolve, our own courage, our own willingness to take on more than we might think we can handle.  

I think a relationship with God is something of an overcomer's story as well, only the one you are overcoming is YOURSELF.  When we accept God, there is a lot we must give up.  I have to surrender daily my own will and ask Him to replace it with His.  I have to think about the well being of others before my own.  I have to be willing to sacrifice my own personal comfort, to die to self, if and when He calls me to do so.  

DO I TRUST GOD?  There are so many trials I must overcome in this life, and still more yet to come.  This is a guarantee.  But will I trust in Him?  Will I trust that He is still good, that He still loves me, that He still has a plan for me?  Will I trust that He truly does want to give me a hope and a future?  My Pastor said something last weekend that really resonated with me.  He said, 

"Many things about God are beyond our understanding, 

but nothing about God is beyond our trust."  

I have yet to find anything else in this world that can offer me the kind of Hope I have in God.  People may try to rob me of my joy, circumstances may tear loved ones out of my life, discouragement may be crouched at every corner, ready to attack in my weak moments...but God is always there.  I have felt His presence and His peace.  He has helped me to overcome so much already and I have no doubt that He will continue to help me, if only I continue to trust in Him.  

Penguins, little and big...

 The kids had the amazing opportunity to play hockey for an hour today with a former Pittsburgh Penguin, Colby Armstrong.  I don't know that they fully appreciated how cool it was to play with a professional athlete.  I think Reese was way more impressed that he was from Saskatchewan than the fact that he was a pro hockey player.  Sienna just liked him because he gave her a high five.  He skated with them, taught them some skills and even played a little game with them at the end.  When they were finished he joined everyone in the locker room to sign autographs on their sticks and jerseys.  They've learned so much at hockey this winter and are really improving on their skating skills...and today was just the icing on the cake for them.  

Living in Auto

 I have a pretty decent camera.  There aren't a lot of things we splurge on...4 kids that have to go through college, hello!!!  BUT...photography is a bit of a passion for me. I LOVE to take pictures and love the way they preserve our memories.  When I'm having a bad day I look back on them and they always help me keep things in perspective and brighten my mood.  The only thing about my camera is, it has so many amazing functions and capabilities, I rarely take advantage of all the features it has to offer.  The whole truth is, I barely know how to use it!  There, I said it...judge me all you want.  I've tried to do online tutorials, pin hints and tips on Pinterest.  I've even tried reading the manual...OK just once....but alas, I still keep the dial mostly on the Auto function and rely on my "smart" camera to make up for my lack of photo-taking ability.

I've barely scratched the surface of what my camera can do.  There is so much about photography, lighting, and composition that I don't really understand and so much more about the camera itself that is way beyond my very cursory understanding of photography.

I feel like my life can be that way too...living on Auto all the time...not living it out to it's fullest potential.  It's so easy to let "the schedule" or "the to-do list" dictate my life and how my days pass by and not really take advantage of all that is available to me.  I'm living life out of focus most days...I don't tap in to all the features and functionalities that God has given me.  I'm operating in one mode...the mode of ME...not venturing out into that great unknown of trust and surrender and submission to Him.

I took Reese to a gymnastics meet yesterday at University of Pittsburgh.  She has done gymnastics for three years now and absolutely loves it, but she has never really seen a real gymnastics competition to understand what years of practice can result in.  She had a very cursory understanding of gymnastics from her lessons, but didn't know what it looked like when someone was performing to their full potential.  She sat there, watching in awe, as the girls flipped and spun and leaped and swung.  Each event was thrilling for her and she could hardly believe the kinds of tricks they were doing on apparatuses she's been working on for several years.  "I could never do that!" she said more than once.

Whether it's using my camera or doing complex gymnastics routines...we'll never function at our full potential if we don't push ourselves to move past the basics, to get outside our comfort zones, to practice, to apply ourselves and learn, to make many mistakes.  It's truly exhilarating when you suddenly realize that all you've seen thus far is just a taste of what is really out there... When I think about the Christian walk, getting out of Auto means surrendering my will and my comfort to accept direction from God.  It means allowing Him to take the reigns and give me a new perspective on life and how I should be living it.  He helps me focus on the things that are truly important.  He gives me the clearest image of what life is all about and what I'm ultimately working toward.

I Have Today...

I have today!

Psalm 118:24 ~ This is the day that the Lord has made.  We will rejoice and be glad in it.

I have today...to watch the sun rise over the horizon

I have today...to start out fresh 

I have today...to be reminded by my children of what is truly important in this life

I have today...to tell those who are dear to me that I love them

I have today to appreciate the love my children show to me.  After 40 minutes upstairs yesterday they came down and assembled this message on the kitchen table for me...

I have today to laugh...like when Sienna grabbed my mom's book of sacred hymns and asked her to play "Little Bunny Foo Foo" on the piano.  "It's in there!" she said.  Or when she turned a pot upside down on her head and squealed, "I'm a pot head!"

I have today...to teach and be taught

I have today...to thank God for tiny miracles like my beautiful niece.

I have today to look outside myself and see beauty in the small things...

I have today to dwell on the mercy the Lord has shown me...that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me...

Matthew 6:34 ~ So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  

Each day has enough trouble of it's own.

I have today...to appreciate my family and friends...for every relationship new and old.

I have today to pray, with expectancy and without ceasing...

I have today to put my hope in the one thing worth hoping in...

Psalm 25:5  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, 

and my hope is in You all day long.

Life may have been cruel, unkind, unfair, and overwhelming yesterday, but I can not, I WILL NOT dwell on that now.  Right now, I HAVE TODAY!

Just one more time...

I've got a picture in my family room...it's like a relic from the past really...of a different time in my life. Most of the time I don't even notice it anymore...it's been there for so long, but the other day I was sitting on the couch with the kids piled on and around me, reading books, and I happened to look up at it.

In 2007, when I was 3 months pregnant with Carter, Derrick and I took our last BIG vacation, a multi-thousand mile road trip through five states and 5 National Parks in about 10 days.  One of our stops was at Arches National Park in Moab, Utah.  After being at Yellowstone for the first few days of our trip, where the weather was cool and there was still snow on the ground in places, Moab was a sultry 101 degrees the day we spent there and hiked about 13 miles.  We saw so many gorgeous arches and otherworldly land formations.  Utah is undoubtedly the most gorgeous state I have ever visited and I always dream of returning someday...

Me, sitting in front of "The Window"

Our first hike of the day, and the one that sticks in my mind the most, was about a 5 mile round trip to see the famed Delicate Arch.  There were signs everywhere that day to beware of the extreme temperatures when hiking and always bring enough water.  This was no walk in the park, to be sure!  We were about a mile into the hike when we came upon a little old lady, all alone and sitting on a rock.  We thought it a little strange to see someone so advanced in years doing such a strenuous hike, all alone.  We stopped to talk to her and be sure she was alright.  It turned out, she had already made the hike out to the arch and was just resting for a few minutes on her way back to the car.  She was in her 80's and told us that she had done this hike countless times since she was a little girl and that she wanted to do it, "Just one more time" before she died.  Something about that woman's story gripped my heart...obviously because I still remember it so vividly even today.  She had lived a long and full life and had embraced this place of natural wonders in such a way that she wanted some of her last memories to be here, to experience first hand one last time, something that only God could conjure up and fashion out of wind, water and stone.


Life is precious...oh so precious.  I've come to understand and appreciate this so much more than ever before in recent months.  We don't have the luxury of knowing for certain how long our days will be.  We have a long list of the things we think we need to do now, things we want to acquire, things we want to accomplish, titles we want to earn...and I'm not saying any of this is bad.  But I think about the little old lady taking that hike, and I want to have that kind of mindset going into each day.  If this day is to be my last, what are the things I want to do "just one more time?"  Who are the people I want to talk to and say "I love you" to just one more time?  What are the things I want my kids to know, if this is the last time I get to spend with them.  And if there is any one thing I want to share with those around me, right now, if it's the last thing I get to share, it would be this:

My life has been made full...full of joy, full of peace...because of the mercy and grace of God.  He has shown me the kind of love I could only ever have dreamed of, day in and day out.  And I have HOPE...so much hope in spite of the trials and sorrows of this world.  I have a hope in my eternal destiny that is so powerful and true to me that it carries me through even my darkest days.  My hope is in the Lord, and in Jesus, His Son, who died for me.

Is there anything you would want to do just one more time....stop for a moment and just think about it.  We can never take a single day for granted...

Derrick and I standing under Delicate Arch

Balancing rock is 55 ft. high and 3,700 tons

Ice Skating Lessons

 When was the last time you went ice skating?  I'm willing to bet, for most of us, it has been quite a while since you strapped on blades and stepped out onto the smooth surface of an ice rink.  I know it had been for me....probably back when I first met Derrick was the last time I skated...I didn't even own a pair of ice skates until a couple of months ago when I happened upon a pair at the Thrift Store that I couldn't pass up.

Strapping on skates and stepping onto ice is like learning to walk all over again.  There is nothing intuitive about ice skating....it is a completely different mode of transportation.  You don't step, you glide.  You don't pace, you push off.  There is no cushion when you fall, you always hit the hard, cold, unforgiving surface with a brain-jarring slam.  I know, I make it sound like so much fun...but nothing is ever easy when you try it for the first time...or second or third...



I found a little pair of skates at the Thrift Store for Lawson too.  They are still about 4 sizes too large, but we got a kick out of strapping them onto his feet on Sunday and giving him a taste of what ice skating is like.  Derrick had to skate behind him, hands under his armpits, and push him along the whole time.  His little feet kept slipping out from under him.  His knees buckled under his own weight.  He was virtually powerless to propel himself forward or even stand up at all on the unwieldy skates.  The other kids have been there too...just a couple years ago none of them were able to skate.  I watch them now and am quite amazed at times how quickly they gained their footing, how fast they became confident skaters.  Oh, they still fall all the time, but they are learning how to skate, learning how to use the blades of the skates to steer and to stop and to spin.  They are learning how to get up again, after a fall, and keep on skating...

Perhaps the Christian walk could be likened  a little bit to ice skating.  God certainly warns us that the path will not be an easy one.  He instructs us to trust in Him, just as Lawson had to trust that Derrick would carry him and not let Him fall...those first steps in a life serving the Lord are precarious and filled with challenges.  We struggle to give up our old way of life...the comfy tennis shoes we once wore that carry us along the smooth and predictable ground of "living for self".  Strapping on skates is a whole new way of navigating.  The ice can take you to places you don't want to go, you can't always control your circumstances, sometimes you crash, and sometimes you need to rely on someone to help you get back up again, to give you a push in the right direction, or even to carry you.

Last night we ventured out from our little homemade backyard rink to a full size ice rink. Three kids skated around the rink with great confidence and excitement, with joyful smiles on their faces.  They had all the space they could dream of to skate, as far and as fast as their little legs could carry them.  The hours of practicing and falling, of learning how to handle the wobbly blades and transform them into instruments of purpose, all paid off.

Softening of the Soul...

I've had this bag of brown sugar in my cupboard....

We go through a lot of sugar in this house so it's one of the jumbo-sized bags from Sam's Club.  I started to notice that the sugar was getting some large, hard clumps in it.  As the bag was emptied more and more the clumps hardened so much it was rendered completely unusable.  I kept forgetting about the sugar...grabbing the bag out to use it and then realizing I practically needed a pickax to get any sugar to chip away from the hardened clumps.

Today I went on Pinterest (oh I do love Pinterest!) and within seconds, I had a solution for the brown sugar dilemma.  Just a couple minutes of microwaving under a dampened cloth and stirring and my brown sugar was good as new.

Isn't that just like life?  We get exposed to all kinds of stuff that causes us to harden over time.  We tend to want to put this protective shell around our hearts...I know I hate feeling pain and hurt and sadness...it's easier just to become hardened sometimes than to make myself vulnerable to more pain.

I have found that there's a recipe, if you will, to soothe the soul from the trials of life.  The problem is, there isn't a single ingredient on this earth that will go into the recipe...no it all comes from the Lord.  I turn to Him from the depths of my despair, and He lifts me up.  His Word is like a window flung open on a warm spring day, allowing a fresh breeze to blow through the house.  His love for me is complete, and unconditional.  He is able to comfort and heal...He breaks up those hardened places to make them soft and alive again.  He is able to bring cheer to my life again, even in the midst of many sorrows.

Insanity???

 There is just one word that could adequately describe our day today....INSANITY.  No I'm not talking about the new extreme workout routine, I'm literally talking about the non-stop, sweat-inducing craziness that surrounded Derrick and I from the minute we got up this morning.

Derrick was very sweetly trying to start the day off by making Amish Doughnuts for me for Valentine's Weekend.  I totally admired his determination in making something so time-intensive and putting up with all the wonderful "help" from both girls.  After many spills, spoons thrown into the turning mixer, and a salt shaker opened and spilled all over the counter, he took a  "break" from doughnut making to take the girls to Sam's for some groceries.  I spent a "fun" hour and a half at home with the boys, during which time I spent cleaning up the doughnut mess, starting the laundry, and trying to comfort a very unhappy Lawson.

The kids spent what seemed like the majority of the day bickering and fighting with each other.  No matter what we did, it seemed they were constantly at each other's throats.  Derrick took the three older ones out ice skating in the morning, even though it barely got above 10 degrees today and was super windy.  BRRR!  After a marathon lunch where everyone wanted something different and the sink was again overflowing with dishes, the kids were back to fighting, and I had had it.  My punishment was an hour of room cleaning and toy purging.  We had about 3 laundry baskets full of trash, toys to donate and too small clothes by the end of it and rooms that were much cleaner than they have been in a year.

Next we moved on to decorating the delicious doughnuts...you can imagine how easy it was to put three bowls of brightly colored frosting in front of three crazed children and trying to be patient while they smeared, spattered and dripped it everywhere.

The highlight of our amazing day was a trip out to eat for dinner.  I know right...you'd think after some of the disasters I've talked about in the past we wouldn't ever venture out to a restaurant again. I'd been to the library earlier in the week and they gave me enough coupons for our entire family to eat free at Chipotle.  Who can pass up a free dinner, right?  So, off we went to Chipotle at 5:30 PM in the 8 degree weather.   Sienna of course fell asleep in the car on the 15 minute drive there.  It took forever for us to get through the line and "pay" with our free meal coupons.  I apologized to the man in line behind us and he chuckled and said, "It's OK, I'm used to standing in line.  I have 6 kids!"  Once we had sat down with our meals we realized that two of the four kids were not going to eat any of their food.  I guess it was too spicy for Lawson and Sienna.  When I returned to the table from getting a glass of water, Sienna had thrown up all over her plate.  She's got some really bizarre reaction to foods she doesn't like and lately has been gagging and literally making herself throw up whenever she doesn't like the taste or texture of her food. She is the most strong willed person I have ever known and has to be the most sensitive and picky eater ever.  Her new favorite line is, "Can I save this for later?"  She NEVER finishes a meal, snack or even a cookie for dessert.  Well after the vomit, the kids not eating, and Lawson not wanting to stay in his seat, we finally packed up and left.  There was ice now forming inside the windshield of the car when we got back in.  Sienna fell asleep again on the ride home. We pulled into the garage with a sigh of relief.  The van was amazingly quiet, unlike the normal screams of Sienna to let Hershey out of her cage.  Derrick sighed and looked over at me and said, "Well, at least she won't ask tonight."  Then we turned around to look at the kids, Carter and Reese quietly sitting in the back, Lawson, with a big grin on his face (I LOVE HIM!!!)  Sienna, with her head tipped over the the side, snoring loudly, sound asleep.  Derrick said to Reese, "Why don't you let the dog out of her cage since Sienna is asleep tonight."  And immediately, Sienna awoke from a dead sleep screaming, "I want to let Hershey out!!!!!!!"  Well, why would I have expected anything less???

Pursuit....

I'm standing in a dark living room, eyes closed and a slight smile on my face as I finish counting, very slowly, to 20.  I can hear little feet still scrambling, muffled laughter, furniture being moved, loud whispers.  We are playing a game of hide and seek, where I am the perpetual seeker and my kids are ever trying to find the perfect hiding spot.  They love to play, over and over again....they love when I come looking for them.   As little children, we thrive on and are thrilled by games of pursuit ...we always want to be found. 

How many hours have I spent playing games like this with my children over the years?  They never seem to tire of that moment when I shout, "Ready or not, here I come!"  They often giggle in delight, quickly revealing their not-good-to-begin-with hiding spots.  Sienna will often shout out, "I'm in the closet!"  Or "I'm under the table" before I even have a chance to start looking.  She is so excited for me to find her she just can't wait to tell me how I can get to her, as quickly as possible.  And they are even more delighted when I creep up and find them, often feigning surprise at their amazing hiding places.  

There is never a fear in their minds that I will abandon the game and leave them hiding forever.  They have complete and total trust that I, their loving parent, will keep on looking for them until I find them, and that I will not forget about them.  

The innocence fades...all too quickly...we are no longer interested in childhood games.  The hiding places aren't big enough to fit our adult frames anyway.  We move on to other games of pursuit.  There are a lot of things that vie for my attention, every second of every day...many worthy pursuits. We are all in pursuit of someone or something.  This time of year, around Valentine's Day, many people are desperately in pursuit of someone, or hoping that someone will pursue them.  We also pursue things like sports, hobbies, cooking, career advancement, adventure, money, popularity, power, beauty, knowledge...  

If only we could hang on to some of that childhood innocence and trust.  I wish I had more of it when it came to my faith.  I wish I could have complete and unwavering faith in the One who is constantly pursuing me.  A short passage in Isaiah gripped my heart this morning:

Isaiah 49:15-16  

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."

Now that's a promise I can hang onto...those are words I am glad for on my hardest days.  He hasn't forgotten about me...though I may try to hide from Him in my day to day routine of watching the children and doing household chores, cooking and cleaning and all the other "important" things...I bury my head in that never ending to-do list, thinking I'm well-hidden from Him.  But He is always there, pursuing me.  I may even call out when things get really hectic, "God, I'm still here, have you forgotten about me??"  And of course I know...He hasn't.  

If at first you don't succeed...

I started off my day by yelling at my daughter for playing Solitaire...

OK, let's rephrase that.

I started off my day by yelling at my daughter for sneaking downstairs to play Solitaire on the iPad at 6 am...

OK, let's go back a little more to put this in context...

I didn't get to bed until 12:30 AM last night, was awake every hour with Lawson who had a fever and was crying, and was then awoken by the dog whining downstairs because Reese had gotten up at 6 am and went downstairs to play Solitaire on the iPad.  I wasn't happy with her.  (or the dog)

On Monday morning, Reese was up at 6 am when Derrick got up to leave for work.  The first thing she said to him and I when she came down was, "Will you play a game with me."  She is completely obsessed with games right now.  I mean really, do you want to play board games when you first wake up a 6 am??  Well she wants to play them non-stop, all day long!

So I had this ingenious idea to teach her how to play Solitaire on Monday night thinking it was the perfect solution to this problem.  A card game that is easy to learn, quiet and can be played ALONE!  It's like a dream come true.  Well...not quite as I discovered this morning...hahaha  

She and Carter must have spent at least 4 hours of their day yesterday playing Solitaire.  It was uncanny how many times she "won" too.  I tried to explain to her that if you cheat it's not winning, but she doesn't like to lose.  Who does?    I tried to tell her part of the fun of the game is that you don't always win, and that you have to just keep trying again and again sometimes until you win.

Funny how these little life lessons can often be applied in the grander scheme.  Learning how to deal with failure is a tough one...whether it's teaching my kids that it's OK to fail, in sports, in Solitaire or in other poor decisions that they make...or perhaps it's me learning to fail with grace and composure.  This parenting thing didn't exactly come with a "How-To" manual.  I'm learning what it is to be humble right smack in the midst of the chaos.  I'm learning how to parent by messing up repeatedly and then scraping myself up off the cold, hard, unforgiving pavement so I can try again.

Portion Size...

We live in a society that is extremely consumed by self image.  We're all about "the selfie"  We want the perfect lives, the perfect looking families, the perfect children, the perfect house.  Facebook and social media only fuel this fire, giving us ample opportunity to proclaim to the world (or all 800 of our so called friends), all the wonderful things we have going on in our lives 24/7.  We hunger to be appreciated and even envied by others.  We thirst for that 1 minute of fame... What if there were a Friend who would "Like" us, even on our worst days?

We're all about looking just right, and the key to finding that perfect physique is, for many people, being on constant diets.  The types of food we eat, the amount of food, how many meals, how much we eat, even what times we eat, all play into the final results.  Wouldn't it be great to find a diet that fills you up all in one sitting and will never leave you hungry again?  If only such a thing existed...

We long for easy solutions to tough problems, and quick fixes for  massive issues. We shun conflict, avoid confrontation, and flee from sticky situations.  What if there were Someone who would come alongside us to help us in our darkest hour, to bring peace in the midst of conflict and suffering, and offer us solutions to our problems... What if there was a Friend who was closer than a brother?

The thing is, I feel like I'm often going about my life all wrong.  I'm constantly being tempted to turn to people or to things to solve my problems, and not relying more on the Ultimate Problem Solver.  I'm relying on my food portions to sustain and satisfy me, but I feel more and more hungry.  I'm coming up short.  When life gets me down, no number of "Likes" on my Facebook page can get me through the day.  When my kids are all screaming for my attention, the laundry is piling up, dinner needs to be made and breakfast hasn't even been cleaned up yet, the house is a wreck, the dog is barking, I'm still in my pajamas, the baby needs a diaper and just colored marker all over the kitchen floor....  well, sometimes my human strength just isn't enough.  The words of Psalm 73:26 come softly to my ears...it's OK to feel overwhelmed, it's OK to feel like I'm in over my head...clearly I am most days.  But I needn't worry about the condition of my heart.  That is the one true constant in all of this.  God is the strength of my heart.  He is my portion....and one that will last for all of my days.  What a relief! What a comfort!

For tonight, the kids are all in bed, the house is quiet, and it's tempting to start feeling like I can do it all on my own again.  It's amazing how quickly I revert back to my self-sufficiency, my tendency to want to take back the reigns of control.  And then when I'm back in the trenches tomorrow morning...I'll remember these words once more.  I'll thank God for His grace to forgive me over and over again.  I'll thank Him for being my Strong Tower, my Fortress and my Friend.  He won't just "like" me, He'll LOVE me, no matter what I'm doing or what I've done, for all my days.  He'll give me exactly what I need for today, nothing more and nothing less.

Seasons

As I grow older, I'm starting to have a deeper appreciation for all the seasons, and the changes that they bring.  Even the winter, which I'm still not a huge fan of, is easier for me to tolerate when viewed through the eyes of my children.  The mystical wonder of waking up to newly fallen snow is only amplified when you experience it alongside 4 hysterically excited children.  And it's definitely true that there is a deeper appreciation for the newness of Spring, because of the extended period of time that everything outside is dead and dark and gray.  Those first green shoots poking out of the ground bring excitement and anticipation of the life that is to come.

We go through other types of seasons too.  The past couple of years have taught me more than I ever wanted to know about weathering seasons of uncertainty and sadness and grief.  The interesting thing about this is, that in the midst of this extended season of difficulty, I am experiencing simultaneously a season of personal and spiritual growth.  There are things I have learned, relationships that have been strengthened, perspectives that have been gained, through that extended season of difficulty.  And while I am not happy I had to go through all of it, I am willing to accept that there can be good that comes after the bad, and that God speaks most clearly and I'm most willing to listen, when I'm in the midst of trials

Through seasons of pain, you also gain a deeper appreciation for the blessings in your life.  I have been SO thankful every day for my children.  Even on the hardest days, they bring a smile to my face.  Even when it seems impossible to laugh, they find a way to bring joy.  During a Skype conversation with Auntie V yesterday, Sienna and Lawson's gleeful excitement at seeing her pet bunny was certainly enough to bring a smile to my face.  Lawson's insistence that the bunny was actually a "kitty!!" was an added bonus.  But the icing on the cake was that after only a few minutes of seeing the adorable bunny, Sienna very matter-of-factly asked, "Do you have a unicorn?"
Right away, I tried to correct her, "No Sienna, Auntie V doesn't have a Unicorn."
But then, Veronica leaned off-screen only to return seconds later with a small porcelain unicorn in hand.  That was a magical moment that will not soon be forgotten!

Maybe we ought to be anticipating more of those "unicorn moments"....it's easy to think we know it all...that we have all the answers.  I've been realizing, through the seasons of my life, that that isn't always true.  I certainly can't see the big picture, of how my life is going to play out, of how all these threads will come together in the end to form a real masterpiece... It's easy to put limitations on things, to expect less than we should, to adopt a negative outlook and not see things for their full potential.  I'm sure there have been "unicorns" I've missed in the past because I haven't been willing to stretch my sights out of the realm of  "the realistic" or "the comfortable."

I'm thankful for the Seasons God has allowed in my life, and for how they teach me, grow me, and push me to become a better person.  And I'm thankful for the perspective my children bring me, for helping me to look at life through a new set of lenses, for making me laugh even on the darkest days, and for opening my eyes to the possibility that there really are "unicorns" out there, if we just look for them...

Ice Hockey and Ice Cream? Sweet!

 Nothing says happiness like four kids in a huge candy store!  We took a little field trip down to the Sarris Candy Store today and boy were they amazed and thrilled by the sheer size/volume/overwhelming displays of candy.  (and super huge stuffed animals too)  Having an old fashioned ice cream parlor attached to the candy store wasn't a bad perk either.  And, it being a 65 degree day in February, ice cream didn't sound like that bad of an idea.  Who would have thought?  Weren't we just ice skating a couple weeks ago and now the kids are wearing shorts outside again?? Goodness!

Thankfully, they can still get their ice fix with their weekly hockey lessons.  Carter and Reese are enjoying it and really improving in their skating skills.

This face says it all....WOW!

Amazing Candy Castle

Candy Football Helmet?!